The Cowboy Next Door & Jenna's Cowboy Hero: The Cowboy Next Door / Jenna's Cowboy Hero

“I know. Your mom showed me pictures.”

He groaned at that and shook his head. “Of course she did. So you see, we’ve all done things.”

He didn’t understand feeling dirty. He didn’t know what it meant to walk down the aisle of the Gibson Community Church, wondering if it would be like the other times she had gone to church, wanting to be loved and walking out lonelier than ever.

She closed her eyes, remembering that first week in Gibson, when she’d gone to church and she had gone forward, looking for love. And for the first time, finding it. She found perfect love, and redemption. She found forgiveness.

“Do you know what I learned when I moved to Gibson?” She looked at him and he shook his head, glancing her way only for a second.

“No, what?”

“That the love I had been looking for wasn’t real love. I had tried church quite a few times over the years, but I’d had the wrong idea and each time I went, I left unhappy.”

“Okay.” He waited. She liked that he really listened. He got that from his mom.

“I wanted love from the people in those churches. And when I didn’t get the love I needed from them, I left. Not that some of them didn’t reach out to me, but they couldn’t give me what I needed.”

“Forgiveness?”

“Exactly. I needed God’s love, and I craved His love, I just didn’t know it.”

“I know.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “I’ve had my angry moments with God and a few years of wild rebellion because I thought he’d let me down.”

“You really were a bad boy?”

“I was.”

Lacey looked away, because she didn’t know how to go farther with the conversation. She didn’t know how to accept that Jay could actually understand her.

* * *

They were fifteen miles from Springfield. Jay turned the radio up a few notches and let the conversation go. Lacey was staring out the window. A quick glance and he could see her reflection in the glass, big dark eyes and a mouth that smiled often. But she wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t crying, either.

She reminded him of a song, a song about a young woman seeking love. And she found it at the cross. Lacey was that song.

“I guess I can’t bail her out.” She spoke as they drove through the city.

“If you have the money. I don’t know how much her bail will be.”

“Since she stole my savings, I guess she’ll have to spend her time in jail.”

“It might do her some good.” He didn’t want to be harsh. He also didn’t want to see Lacey go through this exact same scenario again. And he thought she would if her sister was released.

“I know.” Still no tears. “But the baby. I really don’t like to think about Rachel being taken from her mother.”

“It isn’t always the worst thing for a kid.” He didn’t know what else to say. They’d said pretty much everything on the drive to town. “Lacey, is being with Corry the best thing for Rachel?”

She didn’t answer for a long time. Finally she shook her head, but she was still looking out the passenger-side window. “No, it isn’t.”

He slowed and pulled into a parking lot. “We’re here. You can probably see your sister for a few minutes. And then we’ll see if we can’t get you custody of Rachel.”

She turned away from the window, her brown eyes wide. Troubled. “Do you think they won’t let me have her?”

“I think they will, but you know that isn’t up to me.”

“I know.”

He parked and neither of them moved to get out. Lacey stared at the police station. Her eyes were a little misty but she didn’t cry.

“Okay, let’s go.” She got out of the truck and he followed.

“Before I picked you up I had one of our county social workers call the family services workers up here. I don’t know if that will help, but we can hope.”

They walked side by side. Jay’s shoulder brushed Lacey’s and his fingers touched hers, for only a second. He wondered about holding her hand, but didn’t. She didn’t need that from him. He didn’t believe that she wanted it.

He pulled his hand back and pulled a pack of gum out of his pocket. “Would you like a piece?”

“Please.” She took it from him, unwrapping it as they walked. “I don’t want to do this.”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel better.”

“Anything to help.” He slid the gum back into his pocket. “She’s going to try and make you feel guilty.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Remember, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Maybe I did.” Her voice was soft.

Jay opened the door and she stepped in ahead of him. He took off his hat and breathed in cool air, a sharp contrast from the heat outside. “How did you do anything wrong?”

“I could have taken her with me when I left St. Louis. She might not be going through this.” She walked next to him again, her shoes a little squeaky on the tile floor and his boots clicking. “She was about sixteen when I left. She could have been saved.”

“You were just a kid.” He pointed down the hall. “What were you, about twenty-one or two when you moved to Gibson?”

“Twenty-two.”

“You can’t keep looking back at all of the things you could have done differently.” He stopped at a window and smiled at the woman behind the glass. “We’re here to see Corry Gould.”

“Oh, yes, just a minute please.” She slid the glass closed and talked on the phone. She opened it again and smiled. “Have a seat.”

Lacey crossed the room and stood, glancing out the window and not really seeing the view of the city. She sat down next to Jay. The plastic chairs placed them shoulder to shoulder. After a few minutes she got up and walked across the room to look at magazines hanging in a case on the wall.