The History of the Hen Fever. A Humorous Record

I saw a cage of superb Cochin-China fowls from your yard, yesterday, en route to Mobile. Can you duplicate them? If so, at what price? I had understood that a Mr. – kept choice fowls. I visited his place, but saw none there that seemed worth the taking away. If you can send me such a trio as I saw at Adams & Co.'s, let me know it immediately, and your price for them. How shall I remit you?

    Yours, &c.
    – .

No. 10

Mr. Burnham:

I enclose you one hundred dollars, by check on Shoe and Leather Dealers' Bank, Boston (No. 417), to your order, for the fine fowls you describe in yours received this day. They should be good ones, as I have no doubt they are. Forward, at once,

    And believe me,

    Yours,
    – .

No. 11

G.B. Burnham, Boston.

Sir: When I paid you $25 (twenty-five dolls.) for a pair of Cochin-China chickens, according to your own terms, I did not suppose you would dare to send to me (whom you must know to be a judge of all kinds of poultry) a pair of Shanghaes, instead of those I ordered![4 - Here was a "lawyer," who knew the difference between a Cochin-China and a Shanghae!] I want none but pure-bred fowls in my collection, nor will I have them there, either. I have now a plenty of the Shanghaes, and I ordered a pair of Cochin-Chinas of you. Now, I want to know what you will do in this matter. Will you send me a pair of Cochins, or not? That is all I want to know at present.

From

    Yours, truly,
    – .

P.S. I am a lawyer by profession; and I submit to no imposition of this sort, you may be sure.

No. 12

G.P. Burnham.

My Dear Sir:

The magnificent "Cochin-China" birds you forwarded me last are the admiration of every one who beholds them; and I am greatly your debtor for this superb lot of fowls. My neighbor, Hon. Mr. M – , desires me to request you to forward him four as nearly like mine as possible, and your draft on me, at sight, for the cost, will be duly honored. He can afford (and is willing) to pay liberally for them.[5 - This was the kind of gentleman I loved to fall in with.] Charge him accordingly; but be careful that you do not send him finer samples than mine are, – which, by the way, I do not think possible. I enclose you draft for $120, on Merchants' Bank, Boston, for your bill. And am

    Yours, truly, – .

No. 13

Sir – I hav alwas heerd yu was a scamp, and now I know yu are.[6 - Some persons would consider this personal!] Them egs yu sent me was smasht all up, an they was runnin' down the sides of the box. What am I to do with them, sir – do yu think? Do yu spose I've gut money so plenty as to throw it way in this manner? Yu didn't put in harf meal anuf, and the hole of them was spilte, besides being roten I hav no manner of dout. Now if yu send me back the six dolls. that the postmaster see me put into my fust letter to yu, all's well an good. And ef yu don't, see if I don't publis yu and yure caracter tu the hole wurld yu infermus cheet yu. Yu'd aughter be ashamed tu send a man egs that wa, anny how. So no more at present tell I heer from yu.

    – .

No. 14

Friend Burnham:

I have heard creditable accounts of thy poultry (of the Cochin-China variety), and I am induced from common rumor to believe thee a man who dealeth justly and honorably. I desire to procure a few of these choice fowls, if not too expensive; and will thank thee to inform me what thy price is for such, at ages varying from four to eight months old. Thy early reply will oblige thy friend and well-wisher,

    – .

No. 15

G.P. Burnham, Esq. – Dear Sir: Send me ten trios more of the Cochin-China chickens, immediately. If you can put them down to $35 the trio, now, it will leave me a better margin. All the others are sold, at $60 the trio. Enclosed is draft on Bank of Commerce, Boston, for $400.

    In haste, yours,
    – .

No. 16

Sir —

I want tu get sum coshin chiney aggs, them as will hatch out chickns with fethers onto the leggs an no mistaik. if you got them kind yu can cend me wun dusen an i will cen yu bak the munny wen the chickns is hached with fethers onto there leggs not otherwise. If yu dont like tu cend them on this turms yu can keepe 'em yureself. I bort too duzsen eg in bostun an their wasn't none of em had no fethers on the leg, i mene the chick'ns, wen tha was hached. an I dont expek i shall be fuled no mor by no such humbugg by a good dele. i pade my munny for genwine aigs and I donte see no reesun wy peeple isn't onnest. How could i tell wether their was chickns in the egs or not? of course i cou'dn't. and i doant consider sech bissiness no bettern than cheetin rite out. i bort em twict this wa, an i sharnt be fuled agin arter waitin as I did both times over three weeks. ef yu will plese to sen me the pure aigs abuv menciond and wate tell tha hach fether leggs chickns, well an good, ive no dout yu air a onnest man, cos all the noospapers pufs yu. But sum of the hen traiders aint no better than thaid oughter be – that's my pinion.[7 - I would liked to have seen the dealer that could "fule" this customer more than "twict."]

    Yours &c. etc. – .

No. 17

Mr. P.B. Burnum; Sur,

If you hav enny of them big Cokin Shiney fowl, that eat off tops of flour barils, I want sum. I gut a big nufoulan dogg that ways hard onto 140 pouns, and I want tu cell him, an git sum of them Cokin Shinys. This dogg is a gud dogg and dont eat much. I feed him on fish and hoggs hasslits and it dont cost much to keep him. He bitt a pedler's arm most off yisterday, but he woudnt be much trubble to you, if you kep him chaind all the time sose he couldnt bite nobody. If you will rite me what you ask for yure fowls, I will inform you what I ask for my dog. I dont want none nless thay can eat off tops of flour barrils, of course. Them's the kind for me.[8 - I informed this purchaser that I could send him a pair which, if they "couldn't eat off the tops" of his flour-barrels, I'd warrant would eat up the contents of one as quickly as he could desire!] Anser by return mail.

    Yours Resp'y,
    – .

No. 18

G.P. Burnham, Esq.:

I have got a Shanghae cock weighing 15-1/2 pounds, and I want a few hens to match him. Can you supply me? My crower stands three feet four inches high, and his middle toe measures 7-1/2 inches in length. What do you think of that? I want six twelve-pound hens. Dr. Bennett can supply me, I presume; but I want pure-bred stock. I have no doubt my crower will weigh eighteen or nineteen pounds, at two years old; he is now only eight months old! Let me hear from you.

    Resp'y, – .

No. 19

Mr. Burnham:

I always took you to be a man of honor, and I supposed you knew (if anybody did) what a Cochin-China fowl was, because you imported your stock. Now, those you sent me, and for which I willingly paid you $40 for the three, are feathered on the legs; this should not be, of course. How is this? They are fine, but I am certain they can be nothing but mere Shanghae fowls. Let me know about this, will you?

    Yours, &c.
    – .

No. 20

My Dear Sir:

I hardly know what to write you about the stock I had of you, six months ago, for "Cochin-Chinas." That they are not Cochins I feel positive, however; for one half the chickens came smooth-legged, and the rest are heavily-feathered on the legs!! I consider them only Shanghaes, and now I want to know if you can send me a trio of pure bloods, that you know to be Cochins. If so, I care nothing about price. I want blood. "Blood tells," you know. Let me hear from you, and state your own views in this matter. I will be governed by your advice. Enclosed is ten dollars for a dozen of your "Cochin" eggs —pure, you know.