Her Better Half

“Some lessons are better learned through experience,” Erin replied.

Murphy was back behind the counter now. Leaving room for cream, he filled a mug with coffee, then slid it along the counter toward me before slipping back to the kitchen.

Erin pushed the cream pitcher closer and I did the necessary mixing, then took my first sip. Suddenly the crazy world seemed to come into focus. “I think coffee does for me what yoga does for Gary.”

Beside me, Erin had both hands around her mug, holding it close as if she was afraid someone was going to try and grab it away. “You mean it takes you to another level of consciousness?”

“Yes. From asleep to awake.”

Erin laughed. “You’ll get used to the late nights.”

“Will I?”

“Actually, no. Not as long as you’ve got kids at home.”

“Only three more years for me,” I said, not feeling as happy about that fact as I sounded. Sleeping in seemed like a small benefit when I thought about the prospect of living alone after all these years of raising a family.

Murphy passed by with two more plates of hot food. I glanced over at Erin. “Want to split a breakfast special?”

For the first time that morning, Erin opened her eyes all the way. “Are you crazy? Murphy hates it when people order things to share. Besides, I don’t eat breakfast.” She held out her empty mug as Murphy walked by with the pot in his hand. He refilled her coffee practically without breaking stride.

“You?” he asked me.

I shook my head. “I’m good.”

Erin downed about half the coffee in her cup. “This is actually handy that we ran into each other. I have an appointment later this morning, so I can give you the keys for Adam’s condo now.”

She pulled them from her bag, along with a sheet of paper with an address.

I took both items and stowed them in my purse. “Um… What do I do with these?”

“Remember how I said that the company was called Creative Investigations?”

I so did not like that question. “Yes?”

“Well, I was talking to this woman the other week. Shelley was getting her teeth cleaned. This woman was the hygienist. Her name is Ava.”

So far, so good. I nodded for her to go on.

“Turns out Ava has a big crush on the dentist in her office. She’s been working there for a few months but he hasn’t shown any interest, yet.”

“Maybe he doesn’t date his employees.” Which seemed like a smart policy to me.

“Ava doesn’t want him to date her. She wants him to marry her.”

“But— She’s only known him a few months. How can she be so sure?”

“She just is. Anyway, we were talking, and she told me that he’d recently lost his cleaning lady. He was asking the staff for recommendations.”

None of this was computing so far. “I did have a cleaning lady, but she’s very in demand. I’m sure she’s filled my slot by—”

“That’s not it, Lauren. We aren’t looking for a cleaning service. We are the cleaning service.”

I still didn’t get it.

“Here’s the plan. We go into Adam’s condo every two weeks. We find out what he’s reading, what movies he’s rented, his favorite flavor of ice cream. Then Ava uses this information to convince him that they’re perfect soul mates.”

Erin leaned back on her stool and gave a satisfied smile.

“That’s a perfect plan?”

“What don’t you like about it?”

“Well, first off…who cleans Adam’s condo?”

“We do.”

“You mean, I do.”

“Well, yeah, but you get to keep the extra hundred bucks. See, that’s the beauty of this arrangement. Ava pays us to get the goods on Adam. And Adam pays us to clean.”

So I wasn’t really a private investigator. I was a glorified maid. On the positive side, at least I knew how to vacuum and clean toilets.

“But it all seems so…”

“Creative?”

“I was thinking illegal, actually.”

“You worry too much, Lauren. This is the perfect gig. And it’s all yours. Adam wants his place cleaned on Tuesday afternoon and I’ve already got a regular job scheduled for that time.”

Oh, lucky me.

“Keep on the lookout for signs of a regular girlfriend. According to Ava, he’s never mentioned one at the office, but you never know.”

“By signs you mean women’s clothing, that sort of thing?”

“Yeah. Check for an extra toothbrush, women’s toiletries, the regular girlie stuff.”

“And when I’m done?”

“Write up a report. Ava will want to pick it up in person. She has roommates and we obviously can’t send it to the office. Wouldn’t want this stuff in the wrong hands.”

Definitely not. Wouldn’t want the wrong girl becoming the dentist’s soul mate.

“Okay, you’re set.” Erin tossed a toonie on the counter for her coffee. Halfway to the door, she stopped and looked back at me. “You don’t have to do this. I could tell Ava I couldn’t fit her in.”

I was tempted to tell her to do just that. Then my eyes fell on the broken alarm clock on the counter. I thought about the gap in my budget between expenditures and income. “I’m okay with it.”