Texting Under the Influence

“I’m addicted. I can admit it,” Jenna said.

“Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery,” Maddie quipped, flipping her long blond hair off one shoulder. “The second step is to admit that you want more than to play around.”

“I’m not ready to settle down,” Jenna declared, eyeing the sparkling diamond Maddie wore on her finger with some measure of mistrust. Granted, Maddie’s fiancé was amazing in every way: cute, thoughtful, good at hauling and putting together Ikea furniture. There were perks to being engaged, but Jenna couldn’t imagine taking that step yet. She’d not met anyone, including Jax, she’d want to spend the rest of her life with. She’d grown up with parents who never stopped arguing, and in her mind, marriage equaled an endless merry-go-round of fights and a slow, bitter backslide to divorce.

“You don’t have to get married, Jenna. But how about you admit that you want arelationship. Stop pretending that you and Jax want the same things.”

“But Jax is fun, and fun is no pressure.” Jenna didn’t do well with pressure. She’d run screaming from her college boyfriend when he’d hinted around that he wanted to get engaged. That was three years ago, and now she’d just turned twenty-six. She had plenty of time to worry about all of that.

Maddie took a swig of her drink and shook her head. “Jax is not fun when he’s cheating on you.” Maddie had a point there. That part wasn’t very fun at all.

“Yeah, but... can you call it cheating if we never really agreed to being exclusive?”

“Are you sleeping with anyone else?”

“No.”

“Does it hurt you when he does?” Maddie asked.

Jenna nodded.

“And, does he know this hurts you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, it’s both your faults. But, still. One of you needs to end it for good. It’s not healthy. You’re not getting what you need.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“I am right,” Maddie said with confidence. “So, the next step is finding someone new.” She rolled the beer bottle around in her hand, studying it, as if Jenna’s new rebound would be found there.

“What about Jack?”

“Jack?” Jenna’s thoughts reluctantly left Jax as she focused on her friend. “Jack? My boss Jack?” Suddenly, Jenna felt sober. Jack was her gorgeous young director who’d only recently moved here from Ireland. “You know I can’t. Company policy.”

“At this point, I don’t care. Jack is hot. He’s nice. He’s got that killer accent. And anyone is better than Jax.”

Maddie didn’t lie. Jack, with the gravelly brogue, piercing blue eyes and the always-there stubble caught the eye of every woman and some of the men at Jenna’s ad agency. Jenna had noticed. Who wouldn’t? Those broad shoulders and flat stomach were meant for the cover of a romance novel. But he was the boss and he was off-limits. Period.

Besides, pretty boys like Jack never went for Jenna. She always got the rough-around-the-edges types. Like Jax. She didn’t know why, but this was a cardinal rule of her dating universe. It had been since high school. Pretty boys went for Maddie. Rough ones, for Jenna. Maybe they could all sense that Goth period she went through in high school. Whatever the reason, she’d given up on pursuing guys who looked like Jack.

“I’d rather you get fired than get back with Jax.” Maddie stared at Jenna until she blinked and looked away. Maddie let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. How about them?” Maddie nodded toward the guys down the bar. One of them caught Jenna’s eye and raised his beer mug, sloshing it out of the side.

“They’re drunk.” Jenna took a final swig of her drink and realized it was all gone. She glared with one eye at the remaining ice cubes, wondering where all her vodka had gone.

“So are you.” Maddie gave her friend a shove, nearly knocking her off the bar stool to prove her point.

“I’m fine. I’m going to the bathroom,” Jenna declared, slipping off her bar stool. The room took a little spin as she stood on wobbly legs, realizing for the first time how drunk she was. She managed to steady herself and walk an almost-straight line to the bathroom. The guys at the bar eyed her as she went, the want on their faces obvious as they watched her wobble by in her knee-high boots. Jenna worked hard to stay in shape, and she had her parents’ amazing Korean genes. She knew she turned heads at the bar even when she wasn’t even trying. Jax, after all, didn’t spend time with uglies, as he called girls not to his standards.

God, what a jerk, she thought, in a more sobering moment. Jax really was an asshole. Still, didn’t part of her like that she met his standards? Laughed when he made fun of ugly girls? Terrible. Truly terrible.

One of the guys at the bar nodded at her as she went past.

Not my type, she thought. Average, if anything, and sloppy drunk. One of the guys had a nacho stain down the front of his shirt and the beginnings of a soft beer belly. Nothing like Jax. There wasn’t anything soft about Jax. At thoughts of him, her body instantly responded, her belly growing warm. Damn, Jax! Once in the bathroom, her phone pinged an incoming text. She realized it was her work phone.

They had a big client’s campaign launching this week, and everyone on her team was pretty much “on call” for possible problems. Jenna, the graphic designer, might be called on to log in at ten, fix a graphic or make a last-minute change. She shouldn’t even be out drinking. She’d told herself she’d just have one drink—two at most—but her willpower dissolved somewhere around the end of the second round, probably because the more she talked about Jax, the more she wanted to drink.

She hoped the text wasn’t work-related.

But when she glanced at the face of the phone, she saw it wasn’t work texting at all.

Jax’s name lit up the face of the phone, along with his two messages. Jenna hurried into the nearest stall, her heart racing, as if she worried Maddie would burst in any second and catch her reading them.

Baby, I’m sorry.

I miss u.

Jenna blinked and looked away from her phone. He had some nerve texting her work phone. She’d told him dozens of times not to do it, that she might get in trouble, but Jax wasn’t the type to care about company rules—or any rules, for that matter.

Still, seeing Jax’s name on her phone made her heart soar, which her brain knew was all wrong. She shouldn’t feel glad he texted. She should ignore him. She deleted all the texts in a fit of rage.

Then, she wished she hadn’t.

Did he really miss her?

God, why do you care?! That vicious voice of reason screamed in her head. Of course he misses you;his Tinder hookup must’ve fallen through!

Jenna started typing a text message. She’d tell him. But, she’d tell him to his face! She’d stormed out of his apartment yesterday and hadn’t been back since. She had a whole lot to tell him.

We need 2 talk.

She hit Send and waited. She swayed on her feet. Then, a Sam Smith song, one that Jax had sung to her as he undressed her just last weekend, piped in over the bathroom speakers. She remembered her zipper in his teeth as he tried to sing, and felt shivers down her spine. The alcohol made her feel fuzzy and adrift: why was she so mad at Jax? What she wanted was to get naked with him. Drunk, it sounded fine. One more hookup.What could it hurt? Like a farewell tour? Maybe that’s what she needed to get him out of her system for good. Just one more sleepover.

She knew she was in a bad place—one minute, she wanted to shout at Jax and the next, she wanted to strip. Jenna needed to get her emotions straight.

One more hookup. Maybe that’s what she needed.

She couldn’t tell Maddie, or she’d talk her out of it. She’d never have to know!

I know you want me. You should want me. I’m the best you’ll ever have.

She sent the text and giggled. She slipped into the role of sex pop star goddess easily: it was something she and Jax did.

She waited, staring at her screen, which seemed to be a wiggly, blurry mess. Why was her phone so blurry? Oh, right.I’m drunk. She wanted to giggle, but instead, she put out a hand against the stall door to steady herself. She blinked once more to focus and found a message popped up in answer:

When? Where?

Good. Jax was playing along.