The Fiancée He Can't Forget

‘I’d better not—infection risk,’ she lied. That was why she’d gone on her way in, so her clothes were clean, but the last thing she wanted was to hold them. Delivering babies was one thing. Going out of her way to cuddle them—well, she just didn’t.

She admired them both, though, Amy first, then Daisy, their perfect little features so very alike and yet slightly different. ‘Can you tell them apart yet?’ she asked Mel, and she smiled and nodded.

‘Oh, yes. I could see the differences straight away. Adrian can’t always, but he’ll learn, I expect. And Mr Walker and his brother—they’re very alike, too, aren’t they, but I can tell the difference. There’s just something.’

Amy swallowed. Oh, yes. Ben didn’t have the ability to turn her into a total basket case just by walking into the room, and just to prove it, Matt strolled in then and she felt her stomach drop to the floor and her heart lurch.

‘Talk of the Devil,’ she said brightly, and saying goodbye to Mel, she slipped past him, trying not to breath in the faint, lingering scent of soap and cologne, but it drifted after her on the air.

Just one more day. He’ll be gone tomorrow.

It couldn’t come soon enough …

He found her, the next day, working in the ward office filling out patient records on the computer.

‘I’m off,’ he said, and she looked up and wondered why, when she’d been so keen to see him go, she should feel a pang of sadness that she was losing him.

Ridiculous. She wasn’t losing him, he wasn’t hers! And anyway, since the wedding they’d hardly seen each other. But that didn’t mean they hadn’t both been painfully, desperately aware. Yet he hadn’t once, in all that time, suggested they repeat the folly of Saturday night—

‘Got time for a coffee?’

She glanced up at the clock. Actually, she had plenty of time. There was nothing going on, for once, and although no doubt now she’d thought that all hell would break loose, for the minute, anyway, it was quiet.

Did she want to make time for a coffee? Totally different question.

‘I can spare five minutes,’ she said, logging off the computer and sliding back her chair.

He ushered her through the door first, his hand resting lightly on the small of her back, and she felt the warmth, the security of it all the way through to her bones. Except it was a false sense of security.

‘We ought to talk,’ he said quietly, once they were seated in the cafе.

She stirred her coffee, chasing the froth round the top, frowning at it as if it held the answers. ‘Is there anything to say?’

He laughed, a short, harsh sound that cut the air. ‘Amy, we spent the night together,’ he said—unnecessarily, since she’d hardly forgotten.

‘For old times’ sake,’ she pointed out. ‘That was all.’

‘Was it? Was it really?’

‘Yes. It really was.’

He stared at her, searching her eyes for the longest moment, and then the expression in them was carefully banked and he looked away. ‘OK. If that’s what you want.’

It wasn’t. She wanted him, but she couldn’t trust him, because when her world had disintegrated and she’d needed him more than she’d ever needed anybody in her life, he’d turned his back on her.

She wasn’t going through that again, not for him, not for anybody.

‘It is what I want,’ she lied. ‘It didn’t work, Matt, and there’s no use harking back to it. We need to let it go.’

His eyes speared her. ‘Have you?’

Let it go? Let her baby go?

She sucked in a breath and looked away.

‘I didn’t think so,’ he said softly. ‘Well, if it helps you any, neither have I. And I haven’t forgotten you, Amy.’

She closed her eyes, wishing he would go, wishing he could stay. She heard the scrape of a chair, felt the touch of his hand on her shoulder.

‘You know where I am if you change your mind.’

‘I won’t,’ she vowed. She couldn’t. She didn’t dare. She simply wasn’t strong enough to survive a second time.

He bent, tipped her head back with his fingers and dropped the gentlest, sweetest, saddest kiss on her lips.

‘Goodbye, Amy. Take care of yourself.’

And then he was gone, walking swiftly away, leaving her there alone in the middle of the crowded cafе. She wanted to get up, to run after him, to yell at him to stop, she was sorry, she didn’t mean it, please stay. But she didn’t.

Somehow, just barely, she managed to stop herself, and no doubt one day she’d be grateful for that.

But right now, she felt as if she’d just thrown away her last chance at happiness, and all she wanted to do was cry.

CHAPTER THREE

IT TOOK her weeks to work out what was going on.

Weeks in which Matt was in her head morning, noon and night. She kept telling herself she’d done the right thing, that not seeing him again was sensible, but it wasn’t easy to convince herself. Not easy at all, and Daisy and Ben being so blissfully happy didn’t help.

She ached for him so much it was physical, but she’d done the right thing, sending him away. She had. She couldn’t rely on him, couldn’t trust him again with her heart. And she was genuinely relieved when her period came right on cue, because although she might want him, the thought of going through another pregnancy terrified her, and for the first time since the wedding she felt herself letting go of an inner tension she hadn’t even been aware of.

She could move on now. They’d said their goodbyes, and it was done.

Finished.

The autumn came and went, and December arrived with a vengeance. It rained, and when it wasn’t raining, it was sleeting, and then it dried up and didn’t thaw for days. And her boiler broke down in her flat.

Marvellous, she thought. Just what she needed. She contacted her landlord, but it would be three weeks before it could be replaced—more, maybe, because plumbers were rushed off their feet after the freeze—and so she gave in to Ben and Daisy’s gentle nagging, and moved into Daisy’s house just ten days before Christmas.

‘It’s only temporary, till my boiler’s fixed,’ she told them firmly, but they just smiled and nodded and refused to take any rent on the grounds that it was better for the house to be occupied.

Then Daisy had her twenty-week scan, and of course she asked to see the photo. What else could she do? And she thought she’d be fine, she saw them all the time in her work, but it really got to her. Because of the link to Matt? She had no idea, but it haunted her that day and the next, popping up in every quiet moment and bringing with it a rush of grief that threatened to undermine her. She and Matt had been so happy, so deliriously overjoyed back then. And then, so shortly before her scan was due—

A laugh jerked her out of her thoughts, a laugh so like Matt’s that it could so easily have been him, and she felt her heart squeeze. Stupid. She knew it was Ben. She heard him laugh all the time. And every time, she felt pain like a solid ball wedged in her chest.

She missed him. So, so much.

‘Oh, Amy, great, I was hoping I’d find you here. New admission—thirty-four weeks, slight show last night, mild contractions which could just be Braxton Hicks’. Have you got time to admit her for me, please? She’s just moved to the area last week, so we haven’t seen her before but she’s got her hand-held notes.’