Baby, I'm Yours

He patted her hand. His voice was rough when he said, “I know. Neither can I.”

“You know what scares me most? That I might give up. That I’ll curl up in a ball and give up. What will my children do then?”

Rick rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. His eyes were warm with concern. “Becca, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you. But I’ve known you during good times and bad, and the one thing I can tell you is that you’re strong. You’ll get through this.”

“I’m a fake, Rick. Inside, I’m just a scared little girl who wants Gabe to come home and make it all right.” She glanced away. “But even if by some miracle he did, I’d never be able to look him in the eye. Because of what I did.”

“What we did.”

Becca wiped her eyes. “I blame myself. The guilt wakes me up in the middle of the night.”

“Becca, listen to me. The guilt will eat you alive if you don’t acknowledge that, technically, we did nothing wrong.”

“Oh, please. Technically, my husband was barely in the grave and I seduced his best friend.”

“Shh.” Rick glanced around. “Calm down.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m very calm. You seem to be in the unenviable position of being the one person with whom I can be honest. The one person who has seen me at my worst during this crisis and still manages not to hate me as much as I hate myself.” She stood. “I’m going to leave before I unload more on you than either of us is comfortable with. Give me the books and I’ll return them tomorrow.”

Rick complied, watching helplessly as she stalked out of the restaurant. Her half-eaten meal seemed to mock him.

And her parting shots replayed in his mind. Why on earth had she chosen to trust him? He had the feeling she didn’t know the answer any better than he did.

Rick also wondered what she could have possibly unloaded that would have shocked him more than being seduced by her in such a direct, no-holds-barred manner.

He tossed some bills on the table and went after her. Not to confront her, but to make sure she was okay.

CHAPTER THREE

BECCA WALKED OUTSIDE into the sunshine and felt the world spin. She steadied herself against the restaurant wall, hoping Rick hadn’t noticed, as he came striding up beside her.

Quickly righting herself, she glanced sideways at him.

He seemed lost in thought and didn’t comment.

When they reached her car, he kissed her on the cheek and closed the door behind her. Then stood and waited for her to start the car.

She should have found his concern reassuring. But it simply made her feel trapped. Because no matter how hard she tried, circumstances seemed to be spinning out of control. The lightheadedness wasn’t normal and she was afraid to face what it might mean.

Becca backed the car out of the space and waved. She almost made it home before her stomach rebelled and she had to pull off on a side street. Finally, her stomach settled and she was able to finish the drive.

Becca ignored the panic waiting to engulf her. She reassured herself with the thought that the queasiness had started when she’d been notified of Gabe’s death. It was a reaction to stress, nothing more.

Becca managed to keep the tears at bay until she reached home. Pulling into the garage, she pushed the control and lowered the door behind her, then unbuckled her seat belt by rote.

But her hand hovered over the ignition. It would be so easy to leave the car running and drift off into unconsciousness. There wouldn’t be any more difficult conversations, impossible decisions or agonizing days and achingly empty nights. She wouldn’t have to sleep in Gabe’s T-shirts simply to remind herself what it was like to have him near. And she wouldn’t have to dread the next forty or so years, pining for the man who had captured her heart so long ago.

When Becca thought of all the birthdays, holidays and special occasions stretching before her, the ache grew unbearable. She couldn’t imagine attending their children’s graduations without Gabe. Couldn’t stand the thought of Maya not having her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Couldn’t believe Gabe wouldn’t be there to grow old with her.

Closing her eyes, Becca felt the seemingly neverending tears wet her face. She tried to recall how Gabe had looked on their anniversary cruise when they’d found their love renewed, stronger than ever.

Her heart ached so badly it seemed to radiate through her entire torso. Becca wrapped her arms around her waist and rocked.

Simply staying in the car and waiting for the fumes to collect would be a solution to her suffering. A very final solution. But, suddenly, she could see her children, heartbroken and lost, at yet another funeral. Suicide would leave scars that might not ever heal.

Becca opened her eyes and twisted the key with more force than was necessary. She was no quitter and she had no intention of leaving her children to mourn two parents instead of one.

In that moment, Becca felt a calmness wash over her. It was as if her soul had returned to her body after hovering above. She felt totally present for the first time in two weeks. As if she had found renewed purpose beyond the constant pain. Whatever the reason, Becca sensed she’d turned an important corner. No longer a helpless victim of fate, she would do everything within her power to make life right again for her children.

RICK’s STEPS SLOWED as he approached his office the next morning. Squaring his shoulders, he prepared for another difficult conversation.

“Becca, what are you doing here this morning?”

“I’m here to work. I’ve decided to take over Gabe’s job. He loved this place and wanted to build a legacy for our children. And I intend to make that happen.”

Rick went around his desk, sitting. He took a long drink from his travel mug, wishing it was something stronger than coffee. “I told you I’d make it work. There’s no need for you to do this.”

“Yes, there is. You can’t hire anyone else without giving them Gabe’s salary. We can’t live without Gabe’s salary. I’ll cut back my hours at the hair salon, keep only my best customers and take over for Gabe. With social security, we should be able to make it.”

“You’ve been around the business a lot, but there would still be so much to learn.”

“I’m a quick learner. And we could hire someone part-time for accounts receivable as profits allow.”

“There will be long hours. You need to be there for your kids.”

“In a perfect world, I could drop everything to ease this transition for my children. Unfortunately, it’s not a perfect world and I need to find the best solution. Gabe’s parents offered to pick up more of the slack at home. We can do it. And David works here part-time, so I might see him more often.”

Rick noticed a new resolve in her voice. While he admired her confidence, he didn’t want the business to suffer if she wasn’t able to tackle it all. “Let me have some time to think it over.”

“What’s to think over? You may own controlling interest, but only by two percent. This business is as much mine as it is yours.”

He’d never missed Gabe more than at this moment. Their partnership had grown and evolved into an organic, symbiotic relationship. With Becca, he’d be starting from square one. And with a woman he’d slept with, no less. It was a recipe for disaster.

But she had a point about ownership. Technically, he could make unilateral decisions, but it didn’t bode well for keeping the business together. The last thing he wanted to do was be forced to sell.

Running his hand through his hair, he asked, “There’s nothing I can say to dissuade you?”

“Nothing.” Her voice was emphatic.

“I can check with the bank about a business loan or see if I can take out a second mortgage on my house. Maybe then I could buy out your share.”

“No, Rick, absolutely not. I’m here, I’m staying and I intend to be an active partner. It’s the least I can do for my children. The least I can do to honor Gabe.”

How could he say no when she put it that way?

He couldn’t. But he could at least buy himself time. Very few people could maintain the kind of commitments Becca described. Maybe she would eventually be forced to admit it wasn’t a good idea.

“Why don’t we give it a trial run? Maybe sixty days and then reevaluate?”