Frank Before Vicksburg. The Gun-Boat Series

"'By gum, but you have got every thing nice here,' said he. 'I'd like this better than workin' on a farm.'

"'Ah, you ought to go up in the commodore's cabin if you want to see something nice,' said a midshipman, who was our leader in all sorts of mischief. 'But, look here, my friend, if you wish to remain with us, you must have on a uniform. No civilians are allowed to stay here.'

"We all took this as a hint, and commenced rigging the Yankee out in our clothes. One furnished him with a coat, another a pair of pants, another a cap, and I gave him a sword that had just been presented to me.

"'Now,' said our leader, 'do you want a good dinner – one of the very best?'

"'Sartin,' replied the countryman. 'Got any?'

"'No; but the commodore has, and it is just about his dinner time.'

"We then explained to him that he must go up to the cabin and tell the commodore that he had just been ordered to the ship; and, in accordance with his usual custom, the old gentleman would be certain to invite him to dinner.

"'He is very cross sometimes,' said we, 'but don't be at all afraid of him – he doesn't mean any thing. Talk to him as though he was your father.'

"'By gum, I kin do that,' said the Yankee, and off he walked, while we took up a position where we could hear and see all that passed.

"The commodore was seated at his desk, writing, and the countryman at once walked up to him, slapped him familiarly on the shoulder, and shouted:

"'Hullo, ole hoss! how de do? Shake hands with a feller, won't ye?'

"The commodore looked up in surprise, and ejaculated:

"'Eh! What do you want here? Get out of this. Away you go.'

"'O no, ole hoss, not by a long shot,' replied the Yankee, coolly seating himself in the nearest chair. 'Them ar young fellers down stairs told me to come up here and git some dinner; and, by gravy, I ain't goin' till I git it; so fetch it on.'

"Of course, it was as plain as daylight to the commodore that we were at the bottom of the whole affair, for the countryman never would have had the audacity to act in such a manner, unless some one had put him up to it, and he determined to punish us in a manner that we had not thought of.

"'Look here, my man,' said he, 'do you see that soldier out there?' pointing to a marine that was pacing back and forth before the gangway. 'Well, he has got a loaded musket, and unless you get off this ship instantly, he will shoot you. Now, away you go, you land-lubber, and don't stop to talk to any body.'

"We saw our victim moving off, and were convulsed with laughter at what we considered to be the best joke we had ever perpetrated. We supposed, of course, that he would return with our clothes, but you can imagine our astonishment when we saw him walk down the gang-plank and out on to the wharf. We held a hurried consultation, and then I started for the cabin, and, making my best bow, asked permission to step ashore for a moment.

"'No, sir,' replied the commodore; 'no shore liberty is to be granted to-day.'

"In short, we all lost our clothing – every thing that we had loaned the countryman – and a more crest-fallen set of midshipmen one never saw. We endeavored to keep the affair a secret, but the commodore told it to the first lieutenant, and from him it soon spread, until the entire ship's company were acquainted with the particulars. We were very careful after that, and never undertook to play any more jokes on the commodore. There are many things objectionable in this custom – for I can call it nothing else – which is so general among young officers, of playing off tricks upon each other; and your jokes are getting a little too practical. If you must indulge in them, I wish you would endeavor to keep them out of the cabin, for I don't like to be bothered. That will do, sir."

Mr. Keys retired, highly pleased with the result of his interview with the captain, and went straight to Frank, to whom he related every thing, and showed him the sham "regulation" in his memorandum-book, which had been the cause of so much merriment.

Mr. French was soon afterward seen to emerge from the cabin, where he had listened to a lengthy lecture, containing advice which, if followed, would in future prevent all difficulty. Of course, all the officers were soon made acquainted with the affair, and many were the inquiries, in Mr. French's hearing, as to what kind of an apology the captain had made. It is needless to say that he was fully convinced that "experience is a hard taskmaster," and that it is well enough, especially on shipboard, to take advice.

A few days after the events which we have just been relating transpired, the Ticonderoga arrived at Yazoo River. In obedience to his orders, Frank reported on board the flag-ship. Owing to a press of business, it was nearly a week before the court of inquiry was convened. Scarcely an hour was passed in the examination of the witnesses, during which time the main facts of the case were developed, Frank completely vindicated, and Mr. Howe, who had reported him, was sent on board of ship in disgrace. The same evening the former received his promotion as acting ensign, accompanied by orders to report on board of the Trenton for duty.

"I am very glad, for your sake, Mr. Nelson," said the captain, "to be able to give you this promotion, but very sorry for my own. I regret exceedingly that you are detached from this vessel, but it is something over which I have no control. I am perfectly satisfied with your conduct since you have been with me. If you will attend to your duties in future as well as you have since you have been here, I will answer for your rapid advancement."

CHAPTER X

New Messmates

The next morning, immediately after quarters, the second cutter was called away; and Frank, after seeing his luggage safely stowed away in her, shook hands with his brother officers, who had gathered on the quarter-deck to see him off, and started toward his new vessel.The cutter had made, perhaps, a dozen yards from the Ticonderoga, when Frank observed a commotion among the crew assembled on the main-deck, and the old mate, mounting one of the boat-davits, shouted: "Three cheers for Mr. Nelson!"The cheers were given with a will, and Frank answered them by taking off his cap. It was one of the happiest moments of his life. He knew that while attached to the Ticonderoga he had endeavored to do his whole duty. The shoulder-straps which he wore showed that his services had been appreciated by the captain, and the hearty expression of good feeling which had just been exhibited by the men, afforded abundant proof that he had left no enemies among them.

he next morning, immediately after quarters, the second cutter was called away; and Frank, after seeing his luggage safely stowed away in her, shook hands with his brother officers, who had gathered on the quarter-deck to see him off, and started toward his new vessel.

The cutter had made, perhaps, a dozen yards from the Ticonderoga, when Frank observed a commotion among the crew assembled on the main-deck, and the old mate, mounting one of the boat-davits, shouted:

"Three cheers for Mr. Nelson!"

The cheers were given with a will, and Frank answered them by taking off his cap. It was one of the happiest moments of his life. He knew that while attached to the Ticonderoga he had endeavored to do his whole duty. The shoulder-straps which he wore showed that his services had been appreciated by the captain, and the hearty expression of good feeling which had just been exhibited by the men, afforded abundant proof that he had left no enemies among them.

When he arrived alongside of the Rover, he found the officer of the deck, boatswain's mate, and side-boys standing on the after-guard, and Frank was "piped over the side" with all the ceremony due his rank. It made him feel a little embarrassed at first, for never before had so much respect been shown him. But he knew that he had won the uniform he wore by hard knocks, and was more entitled to this honor than those who sported ensign's shoulder-straps which had been obtained, not by any skill or bravery of their own, but by the influence of friends at home.

Frank made known his business, and was immediately shown down into the cabin. The captain, who had often met him on board of the Ticonderoga, and who had heard of his exploits, greeted him cordially, and was glad to learn that he had received such an acquisition to his crew. When he had endorsed Frank's orders, he sent for the chief engineer, to whom he introduced him, with a request that he might be made acquainted with the other officers of his mess; after which Frank was shown to his room, whither his luggage was soon conveyed.

Just before supper he was introduced to the officers belonging to the ward-room mess; but when he had seated himself at the table, and listened a few moments to the conversation that followed, he found that some of his new messmates went by names very different from those by which they had been introduced. One of the ensigns, whose name was Andrews, was known as Count Timbertoes, from the very dignified manner in which he always conducted himself, and from his wooden-leg style of progression.

The executive officer, whose name was Short, answered to its opposite – Long; and sometimes, behind his back, he was called "Windy." Frank was not long in discovering why it was that such a name had been given him, for he was certainly the most talkative man he had ever met; and when asked the most simple question, instead of answering it by a plain Yes or No, he would "beat about the bush," and deliver a regular oration on the subject. He had a great command of language, and seemed desirous of making every one whom he met acquainted with the fact.

The paymaster went by the name of Young Methuselah. He was a man about twenty-seven years of age, but the account kept by one of the engineers, who messed in the steerage, made him about two hundred and eighty years old. There was scarcely a trade or profession in the world that, according to his own account, he had not followed for five or ten years. He had been a shoemaker, a painter, a grocer, a horse-jockey, and an editor; had practiced medicine, traveled in Europe, and, when a mere boy, had been master of as fine a vessel as ever sailed out of Boston. He was a "self-made man," he said, and early in life had started out with the intention of seeing the world. This was the reason he gave for following so many different occupations.

Unlike the rest of the officers, he disliked very much the name they had given him, and had often complained to the caterer of the mess, and finally to the captain. The former took no measures to correct it, and the latter "didn't want to be troubled with mess affairs," and so the paymaster was compelled to bear his troubles, which he did with a very bad grace, that only made matters tenfold worse. It was a noticeable fact, however, that, whenever any of the officers were in need of money, he was always addressed as Mr. Harris, but as soon as the money had been obtained, or the safe was empty, he was plain Methuselah again.

The chief-engineer's name was Cobbs, but he went by the name of Gentleman Cobbs, from the fact that he was always dressed in the height of fashion, sported his gold-headed cane and patent-leather boots about decks, and had never been known to "do a stitch of work" since he had been on board the vessel.

These names were, of course, applied only in the mess-room, for the captain was a regular naval officer, a very strict disciplinarian, and any such familiarity on deck would have brought certain and speedy punishment on the offender. On the whole, Frank was very well pleased with his new messmates; they seemed to be a set of generous, good-natured men, and, aside from the grumbling of the paymaster, which was kept up without intermission from morning until night, but which received no attention from the other members of the mess, every thing passed off smoothly. The ward-room was kept scrupulously clean and neat, and the manner in which all the delicacies of the season were served up bore testimony to the fact that, although Gentleman Cobbs was very much averse to work, he well understood the business of catering, and was fond of good living.

After dinner, the officers belonging to both the steerage and ward-room messes congregated on the main-deck, under the awning, to smoke. During the conversation the carpenter, who went by the name of "Chips," remarked, as he wiped the big drops of perspiration from his forehead:

"This boat is intolerable. I would like to be where I was six years ago this summer."

"Where was that?"

"I was in a whale-ship, off the coast of Greenland. I was tired enough of it then, but now I'd like to have just one breath of air off those icebergs."

"So would I," said the paymaster. "It would be so refreshing."

At this, a little, dumpy man, who had sat lolling back in his chair, with his hat pushed down over his eyes, and his cigar, which he had allowed to go out, pointing upward toward his left cheek, started up, and carelessly inquired:

"Were you ever there, sir?"

"Yes, when I was a youngster. I went up there just to see the country. I spent five years on the voyage."

The dumpy man made no answer, but there was a roguish twinkle in his eye, as he drew a little memorandum-book from his pocket, and, after deliberately placing it on his knee, proceeded to make the following entry, on a page which was headed "Chronological Tables," and which was covered on one side with writing, and on the other by a long column of figures:

Paymaster spent on voyage to Greenland 5 years.

After adding up the column of figures, he closed the book and returned it to his pocket. Then, turning to the paymaster, he quietly remarked:

"Four hundred and eighty-five years old! That's doing well-extremely well. You don't look as old as that, sir. You won't find one man in five hundred hold his age as well as you do."