Green Beans and Summer Dreams

‘Just a coffee, please,’ I tell Jess, fingering the loose waistband of my jeans. I haven’t eaten properly since Jamie moved out. Whenever I make a meal for one, the food looks so abandoned on its little plate it makes me want to cry. Many times I have ended up scraping it into the bin.

At first when he left, my stomach churned constantly and I was plagued by Hollywood-style snapshots of the pair of them together.

Jamie and Emma laughing in a pub by a roaring fire, chinking glasses of mulled wine as the snow piled up outside. Emma and Jamie, in cute matching puffa jackets, stealing a kiss over a supermarket trolley. Jamie and Emma enjoying marathon sessions of movie-quality sex in her chic London flat as snow drifted gently past the window. Odd there’s so much snow. George Michael’s ‘Last Christmas’ video clearly made a big impression.

Jess frowns. ‘I wanted a Danish pastry. But I can’t eat it if you’re just going to sit there watching.’

‘I thought you were on a diet,’ I point out. ‘Which is nuts, by the way.’

‘I’m a bride-to-be.’ She sits bolt upright and pats her flat stomach. ‘It’s against the law not to lose weight for the Big Day.’

‘So what’s with the Danish?’

‘I’ve counted it into my eating plan.’

Suddenly I feel hungry. Perhaps it’s all this talk of food or the aroma of fresh coffee or knowing the Deli Café sells my favourite cookie of all time.

Or maybe it’s because after a month of half-hearted job-hunting, at last I have a plan I think might work.

‘Pecan Nut and Raisin Crunch, please,’ I tell Jess. ‘Actually, I’m starving. I’ve been awake since five.’

Jess’s face falls. She knows all about my sleepless nights.

‘No, it’s good.’ I sit forward. ‘I’ve been thinking since five, and I’ve found a way to hold on to Farthing Cottage. I’ll tell you about it when Anna gets here.’

She gives me that fond, goofy look that says, How do you manage to be so brave?

Frankly, I wish she would stop wrapping my feelings in cotton wool. Jess is getting married to Wesley in July and should, in theory, be boring me to death with talk of bridesmaids’ dresses and table plans. Just because I won’t be walking down the aisle any time soon doesn’t mean I’m allergic to connubial happiness in general.

But I know she’s only trying to protect me.

I feel a surge of affection for my two best friends. A tear squeezes out but I dash it away in case Jess thinks I’m about to have a relapse.

The truth is I still have an occasional ‘down day’ but on the whole, life is slowly getting back to normal.

Jess goes off to order just as the door chimes and Anna arrives, out of breath. The damp day has frizzed her red hair, making it bunch out over her shoulders. She drops her keys on the table and hugs me. ‘Sorry I’m late. Peter wouldn’t let me out of bed.’

‘Lucky you.’

‘How’s Jess?’ She grins over at the counter. ‘Of Jess ‘n’ Wes?’

‘Stop it,’ I admonish her. ‘You know she hates that.’

Anna shrugs. ‘It’s not my fault they’re a rhyming couplet. Back in a sec.’ She plonks her scarf on the table and rushes over to join Jess at the counter.

I smile, watching as she loops her arm round Jess’s shoulders.

Thank goodness for friends.

When Jamie and I first moved down here, the only person I knew was Jess. We’d met at Edinburgh University and she’d lived in the same flat as me for a while after we graduated. But then she’d found a job as a sub-editor on a newspaper in Surrey, where her family lived, and moved back down there.

We met Anna a year ago. She works as an events organiser, and Jess’s newspaper employed Anna’s company to set up a charity event for Comic Relief.

I remember Jess phoning me in a panic. She’d agreed to have lunch with Anna, who she barely knew, after the event. ‘She’s a bit – erm – whacky. Sort of loud. And very opinionated.’

Jess can be a bit shy with new people. She begged me to ‘drop by’ for support.

I laughed and said I would. So the three of us had lunch and actually, it turned out to be a riot. Anna kept us in stitches the whole time, waving her arms about in illustration and nearly sending a waiter’s tray of glasses flying. She was in the process of doing up a flat and was intrigued to see what I’d done with Farthing Cottage. So I invited her and Jess round for supper and we’ve been good friends ever since.

When we’re all settled and I have rediscovered the delights of Pecan Nut and Raisin Crunch, I turn to Anna. ‘So how’s Peter? Still whisking you off for a romantic weekend?’

Anna shrugs. ‘I think so.’

‘When?’

‘Next Friday.’ She picks up her spoon and toys pensively with the froth on her cappuccino.

‘You don’t look very excited,’ points out Jess.

Anna’s mouth twists. ‘Well, he’s not “the one”, if that’s what you’re thinking. We’re not “in lurve” or anything.’

I grin at her. ‘So what are you?’

‘We’re friends.’ She shrugs. ‘Friends who occasionally sleep together.’

I give her a look that says, forgive me if I’m sceptical but seeing Peter twice during the week and most Saturday nights does not, in my book, fall into the ‘occasionally’ category.

‘Peter’s lovely,’ sighs Jess.

It’s true. He’s a big, beefy guy with a soft centre. Funny and really laid-back. Plus it’s obvious he adores Anna.

‘He’s way too keen.’ Anna clatters the spoon back in the saucer. ‘I keep telling him I don’t want anything heavy but he’d still see me every night if he could.’

‘But why don’t you want a proper relationship?’ Jess asks anxiously.

‘Because I don’t, all right?’ snaps Anna. ‘And anyway, how’s Wes, Jess?’

Jess purses her lips. ‘It’s Wesley. And he’s fine, thanks.’

‘You said sex with Peter was the best you’d ever had,’ I remind Anna.

She rounds on me. ‘Well, you thought CLB was bloody perfect and look how that turned out.’

I grit my teeth. I really don’t need reminding.

‘Sorry.’ Anna presses my hand. ‘It’s just I could murder him for shagging around like that.’

Jess frowns at her. ‘He wasn’t “shagging around” as you so delicately put it.’ She turns to me. ‘He wasn’t, was he?’