Saving Danny

‘I did my best for him,’ she said as we left the medical room. ‘Really I did, but I’ve failed.’ Her tears fell.

‘You haven’t failed,’ I said. ‘Danny is a lovely boy, but I can appreciate just how much it takes to look after him.’

‘You don’t blame me then?’ she said, slightly surprised.

‘No, of course not.’

‘No one blames you,’ Terri added. ‘I’ve told you that.’

‘My husband does,’ Reva said.

‘For what?’ Terri asked.

‘Having an autistic son.’

Reva and I went with Terri to the staff room where we settled around the small table that sat at one end of the room and waited for Sue. The staff room was compact, with pigeonhole shelving overflowing with books and papers, and pin boards on the walls covered with notices, leaflets and flyers. On a cabinet stood a kettle beside a tray containing mugs and a jar of coffee. But like the rest of the school the staff room emanated a cosy, warm feeling, easily making up for what it lacked in size. Reva, sitting opposite me, had dried her eyes now, but I could see she wasn’t far from tears. Terri, to her right, had taken out a notepad and was writing. I felt I needed to say something positive to Reva to try to reassure her.

‘Danny did very well last night,’ I said. ‘Our house was obviously all new to him, but he coped well. He ate dinner with us and then played with some Lego.’

‘Terri said it took ages to find him on the playing field,’ Reva said despondently. ‘Danny’s good at running off and hiding. You’ll need to be careful.’

‘I’ll remember that,’ I said. Although I’d rather guessed that might be the case.

‘You’ll have to lock all your doors and windows or he’ll run off outside and you’ll never find him,’ Reva said.

‘Don’t worry,’ I reassured her. ‘My house is secure. He’ll be safe.’ Foster carers are not allowed to lock children in the house even for their own safety, but I knew that Danny couldn’t reach to open the front and back doors, and I would be keeping a close eye on him. ‘I like his method of dressing,’ I said to Reva, again focusing on the positive. ‘Did you and your husband teach him to do that?’

‘I did,’ Reva said softly.

Terri looked at us questioningly and I explained how Danny had laid out his clothes in the order he should put them on.

‘Very good,’ Terri said. ‘Does that work for him at school too – after games?’ she asked.

‘I think his classroom assistant helps him,’ Reva said.

The door opened and Sue came in carrying a file. ‘Sorry to keep you,’ she said. ‘Danny is with his class now.’ She smiled at Reva as she sat next to me.

‘Are we expecting anyone else?’ Terri asked.

‘My support social worker can’t make it,’ I said. ‘I’m seeing her later so I’ll update her then.’

‘Is Danny’s father joining us?’ Terri now asked Reva.

‘No,’ she said, but she didn’t add why.

‘Let’s get started then,’ Terri said. ‘I thought this meeting would give us a chance to discuss how we can best help Danny. The three of us and his father are the key people in Danny’s life right now. I’ll make a few notes as we go, but I want to keep this meeting informal. I’m in the process of drawing up a care plan, and as a child in care Danny will have regular reviews.’ She glanced at Reva. ‘We’ll talk about contact arrangements later. Cathy, as Reva didn’t have a chance to meet you before Danny came to you, perhaps you’d like to start by telling her a little about your family and home life?’

‘Yes, certainly,’ I said. I sat slightly forward and looked at Reva as I spoke. ‘I have three children – a boy, fifteen, and two girls, thirteen and eleven, and a cat, Toscha. She doesn’t bite or scratch. I’m divorced and have been fostering for over fifteen years now. I live in …’ I briefly described my house and then my family’s routine, and the types of things we liked to do at the weekends. ‘Danny will, of course, be included in all family activities and outings,’ I said. ‘Whether it’s a visit to a local park or to see my parents. Danny’s bedroom is at the rear of the house and overlooks the garden, so it is quiet and has a nice view. He’ll be able to play in the garden when the weather is good. Last night before Danny went to bed I showed him where my bedroom was in case he needed me in the night, but he slept through. It was a good idea packing his toy rabbit, George,’ I concluded positively, smiling at Reva. ‘That helped him to settle.’

‘Did he ask for the real George?’ Reva asked.

‘Yes. I had to show him he wasn’t outside.’

Terri looked at us, puzzled.

‘George is Danny’s pet rabbit,’ Reva said to Terri. ‘They’re inseparable. I did tell Danny he couldn’t take him to Cathy’s. I think that was one of the reasons he kicked me and ran off and hid yesterday.’

I looked at Terri. ‘I know it’s not usual fostering practice,’ I said, ‘but I was thinking that if Reva and her husband agreed then perhaps George could come and stay with us too? He means so much to Danny. It could help him settle.’

‘Oh, would you?’ Reva cried. ‘I’d be so grateful. Danny loves his rabbit more than anything – probably more than he loves me.’

‘Are you sure that’s all right?’ Terri asked me.

‘Yes. I don’t mind pets, and George lives in his hutch outside.’

‘Danny likes to bring him into the house sometimes,’ Reva said. ‘But he doesn’t make much mess.’

‘I’m sure it will be fine,’ I said.

‘If it doesn’t work out you can always return it to Reva,’ Terri said.

I met Reva’s gaze and we both knew that wasn’t an option. It would be devastating for a child like Danny to be allowed to have his beloved pet stay and then have to return him home while he remained in care. He wouldn’t cope.

‘It’ll be fine,’ I said again.

‘Well, if you’re sure,’ Terri said. ‘I’ll leave the two of you to make arrangements at the end of this meeting to collect George.’

‘Thank you,’ Reva said to me.

I thought the meeting had got off to a good start and that George was now one less thing for Reva to worry about, but then her face clouded and she began to cry.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, taking a fresh tissue from her handbag. ‘You’re all being so nice to me and trying to help. I really don’t deserve it.’

‘Of course you deserve it,’ Terri said. ‘We all want to help you and Danny. You must stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault Danny is as he is.’ Then to Sue, Terri said, ‘Would you like to tell us a bit about how Danny is doing in school? I expect Cathy will want to help him with his homework.’

‘We don’t actually set Danny homework as such,’ she said. ‘More targets to work towards, in line with his individual education plan. Reva has a copy of the plan and I can have one printed for Cathy, if that’s all right with Reva?’

Reva nodded.

Sue made a note of this and then said, ‘Danny has been in this school a year. He arrived after his parents moved into the area with his father’s job. At present Danny is working towards a reception-level standard. He is difficult to assess educationally because of his communication difficulties, but he is about two to three years behind his peer group. He tries his best but finds the core subjects of English, maths and science very challenging, although I adapt all the work to suit his needs. He does like art, especially drawing, painting and creating patterns. He’s very good at making patterns. Danny has communication and language difficulties – both receptive and expressive – so we have to pace his learning to fit him. His teaching assistant, Yvonne, is good with him and has endless patience. Danny is uncoordinated and finds games lessons difficult, but he likes a good run around the playing field.’

‘Yes, I noticed that last night,’ Terri said dryly.

I smiled.

‘Tell them about his meltdowns,’ Reva now said.

Sue looked at me. ‘Danny can become frustrated when he is unable to express himself or there is too much going on for him, and he has a “meltdown”. Yvonne and I have become adept at spotting the warning signs and can sometimes distract him to avoid it, but not always. He’ll lie on the floor, scream and shout and lash out at anyone who goes near him. It’s very upsetting for him, and for us to witness.’