Nobody’s Son: Part 1 of 3: All Alex ever wanted was a family of his own

‘And they can’t be persuaded to keep him for the last month?’ I asked Jill on the phone. ‘Moving is so unsettling and Alex has had more than his fair share of moves.’

‘Apparently not,’ Jill said with a small tut of disapproval, ‘although if I was their supervising social worker I’d have tried to persuade them. Some extra support could have been put in to keep Alex there. But the carers are adamant he has to go.’

I was therefore providing what is known as a ‘bridging placement’ – an interim home in between his present foster home and his permanent adoptive one. I hadn’t been given much notice of Alex’s arrival, but that was often the case in fostering. Jill had telephoned the day before to tell me a little about Alex. Once I’d agreed to take him, Debbie, his social worker, whom I hadn’t met yet, telephoned and said she’d asked Alex’s present carers to bring him for a visit on Saturday afternoon, then he could move in on Sunday morning. It was good that Alex was having the chance to meet us and look around the house first so it wouldn’t be so strange and unfamiliar when he moved in. As it was the weekend, neither Jill nor Debbie would be present when Alex visited or moved in. His present carers and I were experienced foster carers, so it was felt we could manage this between us, which was fine. Debbie and Jill would phone on Monday to make sure the move had gone well.

In preparation for Alex’s visit, Adrian had arranged some of his favourite toys in the living room. He was quietly excited and looking forward to meeting Alex. Paula had brought down one of her favourite dolls from her bedroom.

‘He won’t want to play with dolls,’ Adrian said a little disparagingly. Paula looked hurt.

‘He might,’ I said. ‘You do sometimes. And less of the stereotyping, please.’

When the front doorbell rang a little after two o’clock Adrian and Paula came with me to answer it. Paula brought her doll.

‘Cathy?’ the man standing on my doorstep said. ‘I’m Graham, Alex’s carer.’

‘Hello.’ We shook hands. ‘And you must be Alex? Nice to meet you. Come on in. It’s freezing out there.’

Alex was a slightly built child with brown hair and a sallow complexion, and was huddled deep inside his navy parka. He looked up at me, wide-eyed and nervous.

‘It’s just me,’ Graham said as they came in. ‘My wife, Sandy, is having a rest.’

‘OK,’ I said. ‘This is Adrian, my son; he’s nearly the same age as Alex.’

‘Hi,’ Adrian said, taking a small step forward.

‘And this is Paula, my daughter, who is three and a half.’ Paula grinned shyly and clutched her doll protectively to her chest.

‘Nice to meet you both,’ Graham said. He was of average height and build with fashionable chin stubble, and I guessed he was in his late thirties. ‘Say hello, Alex,’ he told him.

Alex managed a small, very timid ‘Hello’.

‘Take off your coat then, mate,’ Graham said to Alex.

Alex did as he was told and I hung his coat on the hall stand. He also took off his trainers. He’d brought a toy car transporter with him and I admired it.

‘Adrian likes cars too,’ I said. ‘He’s set some out in the living room for you both to play with.’ I led the way down the hall and into the living room.

‘Come and play with my cars,’ Adrian said to Alex.

Alex left his carer’s side and went over and squatted down beside Adrian. Paula watched them shyly from a little distance.

‘Would you like a drink?’ I offered Graham.

‘No, thanks.’

‘What about you, Alex?’

He shook his head.

‘We won’t stay long,’ Graham said. ‘It’s just a short visit to familiarize Alex with his new home.’ This was true, but it was also important that Alex spent a little time playing, as it would put him at ease.

‘Have a seat,’ I said to Graham. ‘I’ll show you around shortly.’

He sat in one of the easy-chairs and I sat on the sofa. Paula stood beside me, clutching her doll and watching the boys, not brave enough yet to join in.

‘You were told why Alex is having to move?’ Graham asked me, slightly guiltily, I thought.

‘Yes, your wife is expecting. Congratulations.’

‘Thanks. She’s been very sick with this pregnancy and it’s all become too much. Debbie, Alex’s social worker, isn’t happy with us. She suggested we put Alex in after-school club so we could see him through to permanency, as it’s just a month. He already goes to breakfast club. But you know how it is in fostering – one month stretches to two and so on. We couldn’t take the risk.’

I nodded. I did know how it was. Carers have to be very flexible, as plans can and do change in fostering, sometimes with very little notice.

‘He should only be here a month though,’ Graham added. ‘Sandy and I have met the adoptive parents. I guess you’ll take over where we left off?’

‘I would think so.’

‘There’s a meeting on Wednesday to plan the introduction and the move to his new parents,’ Graham said. Alex looked up. ‘You’re looking forward to meeting your new parents, aren’t you, mate?’

Alex gave a small, shy nod and then, lowering his gaze again, continued to play with the cars.

‘I haven’t been told about the meeting yet,’ I said. ‘I guess Jill or Debbie will tell me on Monday when they phone. But I’ll make a note of it in my diary. What time is it?’

‘Not sure. I’ll bring all the paperwork with me tomorrow when I move him. I suppose they might postpone the introduction because of this move,’ he added. ‘I know it’s not the best timing, but you have to put your own first, don’t you?’

Difficult one, I thought. My experience of fostering had taught me that sometimes the needs of the foster child had to be placed first and your own family did on occasions have to take second place. Toscha, our rather lazy cat, sauntered out from behind the sofa where she’d been curled up in her favourite place beside the radiator. Alex looked startled.

‘She won’t hurt you,’ I said. ‘She’s just come to say hello. Do you like cats?’

Alex nodded cautiously. My first impression of him was that he was a slightly nervous child, unsure of himself or situations. Hardly surprising given his unsettled past. Children show anxiety in different ways; some run in loud and assertive while others, like Alex, recede into their shell until they feel safe.

‘He’s fine with animals,’ Graham said. ‘We’ve got a cat and a dog.’

‘That’s good,’ I said, relieved. ‘Toscha likes you, Alex.’ She was purring loudly and sniffing his jumper. He didn’t seem to mind.

I let Alex play for another ten minutes while Graham and I talked – about the weather, fostering and life in general. It was important for Alex to see me getting along with his current carer, as it would give the move and me the stamp of approval, but I was aware that Graham needed to get back so I suggested showing them around the house.

‘I’ll show you my room,’ Adrian said proudly. Taking hold of Alex’s hand, he drew him to his feet.

Graham saw this. ‘It’ll be nice having someone your own age to play with, won’t it?’

Alex managed a small smile and picked up his toy transporter to take with him.

‘So, this is our living room,’ I said, beginning the tour. ‘We’re often in here, playing games or watching the television. You can see the garden through the patio windows. It’s lovely to play out there in summer but a bit cold at present, unless of course we have snow.’

‘I hope we have snow,’ Adrian said.

‘Me too,’ Alex quietly agreed.