Will You Love Me?: The story of my adopted daughter Lucy

The rejection was no more than Bonnie expected from her mother, who’d always put her own needs first.

‘What about Gran?’ Bonnie asked. ‘Perhaps Lucy and I could live with her like I used to?’

Her mother gave a cynical laugh. ‘You’re well out of touch. Gran’s in a care home. Lost her marbles and on her last legs.’

Bonnie was sad to hear that her gran was poorly, and hated her mother for being so callous. She wished she’d made more of an effort to see her gran. She was about to hang up when her mother had said: ‘You could try your Aunt Maggie. She’s a sucker for kids.’

Apart from Gran, Maggie was the only family member her mother had any contact with, and although Bonnie had no recollection of Maggie, having not seen her since she was about three years old, Maggie always sent her mother a Christmas card with an open invitation to visit.

‘Give me her address and telephone number,’ Bonnie said.

‘Say please,’ her mother said.

‘Please,’ Bonnie said. Then she noted down the details that her mother read out.

‘Goodbye,’ her mother said, and with no ‘take care’ or ‘stay in touch’ the line went dead. Bonnie felt little resentment towards her mother, who saw nothing wrong in putting her latest boyfriend and his kids before her daughter and granddaughter; her reaction had been no more than she was used to and expected. Her mother was damaged goods, and it was doubtful she’d ever change. As long as I don’t follow the same path with my daughter, Bonnie thought.

Having used the last of her money to buy the train ticket, and with no credit on her phone to call ahead and tell Maggie she was on her way, Bonnie planned to just arrive and hope for the best. All she knew of Aunt Maggie – apart from that she was married and liked kids – was that she was mixed race. She and Bonnie’s mother had shared the same mother, but Maggie’s father had been black. With Lucy asleep in the Moses basket on the bench seat beside her, the motion of the train soon made Bonnie doze. At some point during the journey she received a text message from Vince: Plane leaves in 30 mins. Bye. Vince. She didn’t reply, and that was the last Bonnie heard from Lucy’s father.

Chapter Five

Family (#ulink_ccc9388e-6e11-5805-9753-8fe82336ee17)

It was nearly 6.00 p.m. when Bonnie arrived at Aunt Maggie’s – a mid-terrace Victorian townhouse on the outskirts of the city. She struggled up the path, cold and aching from carrying the Moses basket and the holdall all the way from the station, over a mile away. She set down the Moses basket, grateful to be able to relieve her arms of the weight, and pressed the doorbell. Already, she knew this house was very different from her mother’s or any of the places she’d lived in since. The neat front garden, the freshly painted red door, the large potted plant in the porch and the doormat all suggested a house that was well looked after – and that those living inside were equally well cared for.

Bonnie pressed the bell again and felt her heart beat faster. Supposing no one was in, what would she do then? Or supposing Aunt Maggie didn’t want to help her? Bonnie wasn’t even sure what she wanted from Aunt Maggie, who was after all a stranger to her. But she was so desperate she’d have journeyed to any address her mother or anyone else had given her. It was impossible to sleep rough with a baby, and she prayed Aunt Maggie would help her, for she didn’t know what else to do.

Eventually she heard footsteps scurrying down the hall towards the door – children’s footsteps, Bonnie thought. The door sprung open and a boy and girl aged about nine and ten grinned up at her. They were of similar height, with large dark eyes and brown skin; the boy’s Afro hair was cut short while the girl’s was neatly plaited into cornrows.

‘Who is it?’ a woman called from inside the house, as the children gazed inquisitively up at Bonnie.

‘Dunno, Mum!’ the boy shouted. ‘It’s a woman.’

‘What’s she selling?’ their mother called back.

The children’s eyes fell from Bonnie to Lucy in the Moses basket.

‘A baby!’ the boy returned.

Both children exploded into laughter, and for the first time since Bonnie could remember she found herself actually smiling. ‘No, I’m not selling my baby,’ she said quietly. ‘Tell your mummy I’m Bonnie.’

But there was no need for the children to relay this to their mother, for Bonnie could see she was already coming down the hall. She was of medium height, with a cuddly figure, and wore a brightly patterned blouse over black trousers.

‘Can I help you?’ she said, arriving at the door and taking in Bonnie, her bags and the baby in the Moses basket. Her children moved to stand either side of her.

‘Are you Maggie?’ Bonnie asked.

The woman nodded.

‘Mum gave me your address. I’m Bonnie.’

A brief puzzled frown flickered across Maggie’s face before she realized who she was looking at. ‘My sister’s girl!’ she exclaimed. ‘Good heavens! What are you doing here?’ Stepping forward, she threw her arms around Bonnie and hugged her tightly. ‘You should have told me you were coming. I’d no idea.’

Bonnie felt uncomfortable at being hugged; she didn’t like physical contact, especially from strangers. She was relieved when Maggie released her and stepped back.

‘So, what are you doing coming all this way in the cold with your bags and a baby?’ Maggie began. But before Bonnie had the chance to reply, to her relief Maggie welcomed her in. ‘It’s freezing out there, come on in. Good heavens, girl. Let me help you.’

Maggie scooped up the Moses basket from the porch and carried it indoors, peering at Lucy as she did. Usually Bonnie was very protective of Lucy and never let anyone near her, but now she found she didn’t mind Aunt Maggie holding the basket; indeed there was something comforting in having her take control.

‘Leave your bag and shoes down there,’ Maggie said, pointing to a place in the hall just below a row of coat pegs. ‘Don’t you have a coat, girl?’

‘No,’ Bonnie said, still shivering.

Maggie tutted. ‘Well, come and warm yourself.’

Bonnie slipped off her trainers as the children watched. She saw that they and Maggie went barefoot, but unlike Bonnie’s their feet were clean.

‘Sorry,’ she said, embarrassed. ‘I’ve been sleeping rough.’

Maggie tutted again. ‘Through here,’ she said, and led the way into their neat front room.

Bonnie took in the thick-pile mauve carpet, the china ornaments that filled the shelves and the framed family photographs dotted on most of the walls. It was warm and friendly, a proper home, like no other she’d ever known.

‘So my sister sent you here?’ Maggie said, setting the Moses basket on the floor and pulling back the cover so she could see Lucy. Her children peered in too.

‘Sort of,’ Bonnie said. ‘I didn’t have anywhere to go and she suggested you.’

‘And your mother wouldn’t have you home?’ Maggie said.

‘No.’

‘All right. Let’s get your baby sorted out first and then you. What’s her name?’

‘Lucy.’

‘When was she last fed?’ Maggie asked. For having pulled back the cover she could see little Lucy was sucking ravenously on her fist.

‘About twelve o’clock.’ Bonnie said. ‘I guess she’s hungry now.’

‘I bet she is, poor little mite,’ Maggie said. ‘That’s six hours ago. Too long for a baby to go without food. How old is she?’

‘Just over six months.’

‘It’s all right, pet,’ Maggie said, cradling Lucy in her arms. ‘We’ll soon have you fed and comfortable.’ Then to her children she said: ‘Go upstairs and fetch your sister. Tell Liza I need her downstairs now to keep an eye on the dinner. Tell her now, not when it suits her.’

The children scuttled off and Bonnie knew they were used to doing as their mother told them and that Maggie was used to being obeyed. Yet while Maggie was firm, Bonnie sensed she was also very caring and loving – so unlike her own mother it was difficult to believe they were blood relatives.

She heard the children’s footsteps disappear upstairs and then their shouts of: ‘Hey, Liza! Mum wants you now. Guess what!’