The Girl in the Mirror

Mandy stood anxiously with her father and Evelyn by the bed and tried to soothe Grandpa. But he tossed and turned, and cried out, shouting words that made no sense at all. Evelyn spoke to him in a calming voice, stroked his forehead and tried to reassure him, but her efforts were pathetic and futile in the face of his pain. Then he began clawing at his arms as though his skin was on fire. Mandy’s father tried to stop him by holding his hands, which made him even more agitated, and he swore.

‘He doesn’t know what he’s saying,’ Gran excused. ‘He’s delirious, he doesn’t mean it.’

‘The nurse won’t be long,’ John said, hovering by the phone.

But 3 p.m. came and went and the nurse failed to arrive.

‘It’s not like him,’ Evelyn said. ‘Normally he’s very punctual.’

‘Should be, the amount they’re paying.’

At 3.15 there was still no sign of the nurse and Grandpa had broken out in a cold sweat from the agony. John said he would phone the nurse again and find out what the hell was going on. He left the study to make the call and when he returned he said the nurse had been called to an emergency and would come as soon as he could.

‘That’s unacceptable!’ her father said, turning on John. ‘Let me speak to him! No one should have to suffer like this!’

‘If you think it will help, go ahead!’ John retorted, almost shouting. ‘I don’t like to see Dad suffer any more than you do. He’s been like a father to me and now I can’t help him! We’ve had almost a week of this – a week of watching him suffer. And I’m not sure I can take much more.’ John’s face crumpled and he turned away.

‘Oh, Will,’ Gran said, trying to catch hold of Grandpa’s hand. She began to cry.

‘This isn’t helping,’ Evelyn said. ‘Ray, why don’t you take Mum into the sitting room until the nurse has been and Dad is more comfortable?’

Her father hesitated. Mandy saw his resentment at being told what to do by his sister. ‘I think it’s a good idea,’ Mandy said, touching his arm. ‘Gran shouldn’t see Grandpa like this.’ Although it was more about removing her father from the room than Gran, who seemed to be coping far better.

Her father glanced at her and then without speaking helped Gran to her feet. The two of them left the room. Mandy went over and, kneeling by the bed, began gently stroking Grandpa’s forehead and talking to him quietly. ‘It’s Mandy,’ she said. ‘The nurse won’t be long. Dad and Gran are in the sitting room. Try to relax, take deep breaths, it’ll help soothe away the pain.’

John and Evelyn hovered close by. ‘Thanks, Mandy,’ John said, sounding relieved to have some of the responsibility taken from him.

‘I’m sure he knows it’s you,’ Evelyn said. ‘He’s growing calmer.’

Mandy felt her eyes mist as she continued to stroke Grandpa’s brow and whisper words of comfort. She thought he was responding; his legs were still and he was no longer trying to claw at his arms. His eyes had closed and his face seemed more relaxed; perhaps he did know it was her and had taken comfort in her presence. Feeling she might be able to help, and aware this could be her last opportunity to spend time with him, she decided to offer to stay and help, for however long she was needed.

Seven (#ulink_191adf90-4204-5a31-9b5d-5af2ff683a4a)

‘I’m sure,’ she said. ‘I want to. And it’s not as if I’ve got a proper job and need to take time off work. I’d like to help, really.’

‘It’s much appreciated,’ John said. ‘Thanks, Mandy.’

‘Yes, thanks,’ Evelyn echoed.

‘I don’t know,’ her father said again, as he had when Mandy had first told him of her intention to stay.

‘Why ever not?’ Gran asked, turning from the bed to look at him. ‘It’s nice that Mandy wants to, and Evelyn and John could do with the help. It will be fine, Ray. I promise. Don’t worry.’

They were all in the study grouped once more around Grandpa’s bed. He was asleep and pain-free. The nurse had arrived, full of apologies, shortly after 4 p.m., and had given Grandpa the morphine injection which would allow some relief for a few hours at least. It was now 6 p.m. and, having had an early dinner (Evelyn had insisted he ate before setting off), Mandy’s father was now preparing to leave. But his reluctance to leave Mandy, combined with Gran’s reassuring him: ‘It will be fine, Ray, I promise,’ and their exchange of meaningful glances, seemed to Mandy there was something she wasn’t being told.

‘All right.’ Her father shrugged, still reluctant. ‘But I don’t know what her mother will say.’

‘Nothing,’ Gran said. ‘And I think Jean should come and visit, tomorrow, when you bring Mandy’s things.’

‘I’m sure she will,’ her father said defensively. ‘Jean didn’t realize how ill Dad was or she would have come today.’

‘All right,’ Gran agreed, and returned her attention to Grandpa. She was sitting in her usual chair by the head of his bed. There was more room in the study now. Before dinner her father had helped John manoeuvre the other single bed upstairs back to the guest room it had come from, so Gran could have a better night’s sleep.

Her father looked at his watch and slowly stood. ‘I’d best be off,’ he said awkwardly.

‘We’ll leave you to say goodbye to Dad then,’ Evelyn said. She and John slipped from the study.

He stood uncomfortably by the bed and Mandy saw how difficult he was finding it to leave. Normally father and son shook hands on meeting and parting, but clearly that was impossible now. Grandpa was so heavily sedated it was doubtful he could even hear, let alone raise his arm.

Her father took a step closer. ‘Goodbye, Dad. I’m going now. I’ll see you again tomorrow. I’ll bring Jean with me.’ He paused and looked embarrassed, unsure of what to say or do next. Grandpa gave no acknowledgement, no sign he knew his son was there. ‘Mandy is staying to help look after you,’ he added. ‘Goodbye, Dad.’ He leant over the bed and kissed his father’s forehead. Grandpa’s breathing faltered and then resumed. It was impossible to know if he was aware of his son or not.

Her father turned to Gran and kissed her cheek, easily, as he always did. ‘Goodbye, Mum. Don’t get up. Take care. Look after each other and I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Drive carefully, Ray,’ she said, taking hold of his hand. ‘And give my love to Jean.’

‘I will.’ He kissed her again and then crossed to Mandy who was waiting by the study door ready to see him out. With a final glance at his father, he nodded to his mother and quickly left the study.

Mandy walked with him along the hall towards the front of the house.

‘Are you sure you’ll be all right, Amanda?’ he said again as they arrived in the reception hall. ‘You know you can change your mind. You don’t have to stay. I can take you home now.’

She looked at him carefully. ‘Dad, why shouldn’t I be all right? I’m with family. I’m staying to help look after my grandpa.’

He looked away and left the question unanswered. ‘Well, if you’re sure.’

‘Dad, please don’t worry.’ She touched his arm. ‘I’ll be fine, and Evelyn and John desperately need some help. They’re exhausted. If you could get my clothes from the flat that would be great. You’ve got my list and key?’

He nodded. ‘We’ll stop by on the way tomorrow. You mother will have a better idea of where to find things. I must go to the office in the morning so we should be here late afternoon.’

‘OK.’ She kissed his cheek. ‘Text me to say you got home safely.’

He gave a small laugh. ‘I’ll try.’ She had recently taught him to text but his fingers seemed too big for the tiny buttons and he rarely did so, saying it was easier to phone.

‘I’m going now,’ he called to John and Evelyn, and they appeared from the sitting room.

‘Safe journey,’ John said.

Her father shook John’s hand and then kissed his sister’s cheek – his previous awkwardness slightly eased by the time spent with her. Saying goodbye, John and Evelyn made their way back down the hall, leaving Mandy to see her father off. He opened the front door and Mandy folded her arms against the cool evening air. She watched him cross the drive towards the car. The sky was only just beginning to darken as the days were lengthening towards spring. He pointed the remote at the car; the locks flew up and the interior light went on. He paused before getting in and looked back to give a little wave. ‘Take care, love,’ he called. ‘See you tomorrow.’

‘Yes.’ She smiled and waved too.

She watched him climb into the car and the door close. The interior light faded and went out. The engine started and the tyres crunched over the gravel as the car slowly moved forward, round the curve of the carriage drive and towards her. As the car drew level her father ducked his head and peered through the side window to give another little wave. She waved back. He continued past and her gaze fell on the rear of the car as it slowly pulled away. Then in the half-light of dusk something strange happened which froze her to the spot. As she watched the receding car, the shadowy outline of a girl appeared in the rear window. The child turned to look at her and their eyes met. She was about twelve and her long fair hair was tied in a ponytail. Tears stained her cheeks and her face was creased in sorrow. Mandy knew instinctively the girl was frightened and needed help but she also knew there was nothing she could do to save her. She stared after the car with an overwhelming sense of despair as it continued down the drive, and away from her. The image of the girl faded and then vanished.

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Mandy stayed where she was, staring at the now empty drive. The air was still and the door to the house stood open behind her. Her heart was racing and her mouth was dry. It must have been a trick of the eye, she said, trying to calm herself, an illusion in the twilight. Of course there wasn’t a girl in the back of your father’s car. Don’t be ridiculous. You’re worried about Grandpa, and tired – it was nothing more than your imagination.

So, as a child accepts its mother’s reassurance that there is nothing lurking under the bed while not wholly convinced, Mandy turned from the drive and went into the welcoming warmth and light of her aunt’s house.