Her Cowboy's Christmas Wish

“Isn’t it dangerous to ride with an injury? I’d think your reaction time would be slowed.”

“I’ll wrap it.”

As if that would fix everything. His attitude was exactly the reason they would never date again, no matter how attractive she found him. Riding broncs was bad enough. Riding broncs with an injury was idiotic.

“I’ll have a couple of the guys help me pull the wagon out,” he said.

“I recommend you supervise a couple of the guys.” She leveled a finger at him. “If you’re going to ride on Saturday, you need to rest that shoulder and let it heal.”

“Right.”

He was impossible.

“I need to get going.” She stepped over the roll of rusted chicken wire. “I don’t want to leave Justin alone too long.”

“You brought him with you?”

“He doesn’t have class on Fridays and sometimes comes by for a visit.”

“Justin drives?”

“A Honda Civic. Modified, of course.”

“And he lives with your parents?”

“No, he has an apartment near campus with a roommate.”

“Not that it’s any of my business,” Ethan said, “but if the kid lives on his own and drives, don’t you think he’ll be okay alone for a few minutes?”

She sighed with exasperation…at herself. “I can’t help worrying about him. Call it big-sister-itis.”

“His accident wasn’t your fault.”

Caitlin went still, swallowed a gasp. No one other than Justin and her parents knew of her guilt and the reason for it.

How in the world had Ethan guessed?

Stupid question. He’d always been able to read her better than anyone.

She averted her face, hiding the sudden storm of emotions churning inside her. Him, this place, the memories of happier times—it was all too much.

Ethan took her elbow again, helping her navigate the narrow path through the construction material. His fingers were warm and strong and far too familiar. Any hope Caitlin had for control flew out the window.

“You weren’t at the river that day,” he said, his voice gentle with understanding. “You couldn’t possibly have been involved.”

His compassion and sympathy were her undoing.

“I encouraged him to go,” she admitted, her throat burning. “If he had stayed home, he wouldn’t have landed on that rock and damaged his spinal cord.”

“Come on. Name one senior at our school who didn’t tube down the river and jump from the cliffs the week after graduation. It was a rite of passage.”

“Justin didn’t normally disobey our parents.” As she had, she thought. “I told him he was eighteen and it was time he stopped acting like such a geek. I drove him to his friend’s house, then lied to our folks about where he was going.”

“Teenagers disobey their parents. It’s what they do.”

“Being popular was so important to me in high school. Justin was such a nerd back then. Shy and scrawny and brainy. He was practically invisible. I thought if he went tubing, he’d break out of his shell. Because of me, his life is ruined.”

They came to a stop at the entrance to the barn. Ethan released her elbow, only to drape an arm around her shoulders.

“Trust me, you weren’t the only one pressuring him to go tubing. His buddies were, too.”

It would have been nice to lay her head on Ethan’s chest as she’d done so often in the past, and let him comfort her.

She might have, if she wasn’t convinced she’d be sending him the wrong message.

Wiping her eyes, she tried to ease away from his embrace.

He’d have none of it.

“When someone’s seriously injured, like Justin, it’s pretty common for family members and friends to blame themselves. My dad and brother were the same way. Kept thinking if they’d been there for me when Mom was sick, and after she died, I wouldn’t have enlisted and been caught in that explosion. Eventually, they came to accept it was my decision to join the marines, and rotten luck I was standing where I was that day. Same with Justin.”

Caitlin looked up at Ethan. “You don’t think I was there for you when your mom died?”

At the time, she’d been so embroiled in her own misery over his abrupt departure, she hadn’t considered the reason he left was because of her. How incredibly selfish.

“What? Of course not. I was the one unable to cope with my grief, so was pushing people away.” He inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, Caitlin. For abandoning you like that.”

“I appreciate the apology.”

“I know it’s not enough to make up for what I did to you.”

“No, it isn’t.”

He drew back at her brutal, but honest, admission.

“You’re not the only one who had to deal with traumatic events,” she said. “I did, too. And believe me, there were plenty of times after Justin’s accident when I wanted to run away and leave everything behind. But I didn’t. I stayed and dealt with my responsibilities regardless of how difficult it was. I just wish you had loved me enough to do the same.”

CAITLIN’SREMARKHIT ETHAN like a blow. How could she think he hadn’t loved her enough? The whole reason he’d left was because he had loved her too much. She deserved more than a man who was emotionally devastated, out of work and whose family was financially ruined, thanks to one man’s insatiable greed.

Before he could explain, Justin came wheeling toward them. Ethan was pleased to see the young man, even if his timing stank.

“Hey, there you are.” He pushed his wheelchair forward, meeting up with Ethan and Caitlin outside the cattle barn. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” Ethan shook his hand, which was sheathed in a worn leather glove with cutouts for his fingers.

“I was just talking to Gavin. He filled me in on all the changes round here.”

“Lots of them. Some good, some bad.”