A Daughter’s Choice

We had been at the Pally for a couple of hours, and the dance floor was crowded with young men and women. Most of the men were in uniform, and the girls were all wearing pretty dresses. I knew some of them from school, and several of them were working in the munitions factory or voluntary organizations. We had been dancing most of the time and I was enjoying myself as Billy was fun to be with. However, I was very much aware of the war and that I had done nothing to help except knit a few socks and roll some bandages. So when Billy went off to fetch us another drink I spoke to a girl called Valerie Green about being a nurse.

‘It’s hard work, Kathy,’ she told me. ‘I’ve just come back from three months in France and the conditions were awful. The men are crawling with lice when they come in after weeks in the trenches, and there’s never enough of anything to go round. I asked to be transferred back home.’

‘But you like being a nurse, don’t you?’

‘It’s all right I suppose …’

I would have asked her more questions about nursing but Billy came back with our drinks and she walked off.

‘Port and lemon you said, Kathy?’

‘Yes please.’ I took a sip. ‘Oh, that’s lovely. Not too strong.’

Billy grinned. ‘I didn’t think you were a hardened drinker so I told them to put plenty of lemonade in.’ He took a swig of his beer. ‘Are yer enjoyin’ yerself then, Kathy?’

‘Yes, thanks.’ I finished my drink and put the glass down. ‘I’m goin’ to the cloakroom. It’s nearly ten o’clock, Billy. We’ll have time for one more dance before we go, won’t we?’

‘Just about. Mustn’t be late back though or your gran won’t trust me to take you out again.’

I smiled as I moved away from him, knowing that the gift of chocolates he’d brought for Gran when he called to pick me up earlier had gone a long way to winning her over. He had also brought a little posy of flowers for me.

‘Now that’s a lad who knows how to come courtin’,’ Gran had whispered to me as I’d kissed her goodbye.

I was beginning to think Billy was a decent lad and that I quite liked him. He’d given me a good night out and I was feeling relaxed and happy as I made my way back to him after visiting the cloakroom. It was then that someone grabbed my arm roughly, making me swing round to look at him in alarm.

‘What are you doing?’

My heart had begun to thud wildly. I didn’t know this man to speak to, though I’d noticed him standing with the crowd of rowdies at the bar on a couple of occasions. He was one of the lads who seemed to come to the Pally just to drink and stare at the girls.

‘’Ave a drink wiv me, luv?’

‘No, thank you. I’m with someone.’

‘That bleedin’ Billy Ryan. He ain’t no good to yer, Kathy. You come outside wiv me and I’ll show yer wot’s wot.’

His expression made me feel sick deep down inside, and I tried to pull away but his grip tightened on my arm, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. People were looking at us, some of them frowning, others grinning as if it were amusing.

‘Let me go please. I don’t want to come with you – you are very rude.’

‘Rude, am I? Hoity-toighty bitch! Yer no better than yer ma was and she were anybody’s.’

‘You shut your dirty mouth!’

I pulled sharply away from him and after a tussle he let go of my arm, but then as I tried to move away he caught me about the waist. His intentions were obvious but I was determined that this brute should not maul or kiss me. I gave him a kick on the shins and he swore, raising his right arm to hit me. A cry of alarm escaped me but before I could do anything I felt someone pull me roughly away from his hold and Billy was there.

‘You take your filthy paws off my girl!’ he said and the look on his face was so savage that I was startled. He looked capable of anything at that moment. ‘I’ll teach you some manners, Sam Cotton.’

‘You and whose bleedin’ army?’

‘I don’t need no ’elp,’ Billy said and launched himself at my assailant in a fury.

In another moment they were at it full pelt, punching and jostling. Billy seemed as if he wanted to murder the other man, and I drew back in horror as girls started screaming and the men formed a sort of semicircle around them, yelling encouragement.

‘Give it to ’im, Billy. Kill the bugger!’

‘Hit him, Sam. Give the bastard one for me.’

‘Billy, don’t!’ I cried, feeling horrified as I watched them slugging it out. It was quickly clear that Billy had the advantage and as his fists slammed into Sam Cotton’s chin he went down. The next second Billy was sitting astride him, hitting him in the face over and over again. ‘That’s enough … please. Stop it, Billy. You will kill him.’

It was so awful. Everyone was aware of what was going on, and I felt terribly embarrassed, as if it was all somehow my fault.

‘I thought you were taking a risk coming with him,’ a voice said at my elbow. ‘Billy Ryan has a bit of a reputation …’

‘What do you mean?’ I glanced at Valerie Green. ‘Billy’s all right.’

‘He used to hang around with a rough crowd.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s nothing to do with me, but you wouldn’t catch me going around with him.’

She walked away without giving me a chance to answer, but my attention was abruptly transferred back to the fight, which had ended as swiftly as it had begun. The owner of the dance hall had sent in his bouncers and they hauled Billy off his vanquished victim, dragging him to the door to eject him despite his protests that Sam Cotton had started the fight.

‘Come on, Kathy,’ he yelled over his shoulder. ‘We’re leaving.’

I followed hurriedly behind him, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment as I heard laughter and jeering. Now that the fight was over people were relieved and amused, but I felt hot with shame.

Billy was wiping blood from his mouth when I joined him outside the hall. He looked at me uncertainly, sensing my mood. ‘I couldn’t let him insult yer like that, Kathy.’

‘You didn’t have to start a fight. You could have simply told him to leave me alone.’

‘Swine like that needs teachin’ a lesson. I’m ’andy with me fists. That will learn ’im and a few others not to mess with my girl.’

There was a look of satisfaction in his eyes that made me angry. ‘You think you’re clever, don’t you, Billy Ryan? Well, I don’t. I hate being made a show of and that’s what you’ve done. Everyone will laugh behind my back.’

‘Yer don’t want ter worry about what folks say. ‘Sides, I weren’t ’avin’ that bleedin’ Sam Cotton bad mouthin’ my girl.’

‘I’m not your girl!’ I glared at him. ‘You don’t imagine I’d go out with you again after that?’

I started to walk away from him. I was smarting because of the insulting way Sam Cotton had behaved towards me, and also Valerie Green’s remarks about Billy. She was a year or so older and I’d known and liked her at school; it pricked my pride to know she thought me a fool for going out with him, especially as I had a sneaking suspicion she might be right.

Billy followed behind me. ‘Don’t be like this, Kathy. I’m sorry the evening was spoiled, but it wasn’t my fault. Sam Cotton is a docker. He couldn’t join up because they said he was needed on the docks – and some of us called him a coward. He hates anyone in uniform, especially me. That’s why he went after yer like that.’

‘He implied my mother was …’ I choked back a sob.

‘Don’t matter what she were,’ Billy said swiftly. ‘You ain’t like ’er, Kathy, and any man with sense knows that. Don’t be mad at me. I only did it fer you.’

I stopped walking and looked at him. ‘Was she a tart – my mother? Tell me the truth, Billy. I really need to know.’

‘I remember talk when she married your da …’ Billy frowned. ‘I were only a lad and me best mate were ill. Tom O’Rourke went away about that time and I were angry at the world because I thought he were goin’ ter die. I didn’t take much notice of anythin’ else, but I know me ma thought Ernie Cole was a fool to marry ’er. Sorry, lass. I can’t tell yer much more. Ma knows it all but whether she’d tell yer …’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I shouldn’t let it worry yer, Kathy. No one who knows yer thinks you’re like that.’

I looked at him unhappily. It wasn’t Billy’s fault that the unpleasant incident with Sam Cotton had happened. He had defended me and I supposed I ought to be grateful.