A Daughter’s Sorrow

‘You know I wouldn’t tell on you,’ Tommy said giving me a reproachful look. ‘But Tilly Cullen went past while you were laughin’ with him, and you know what she’s like.’

‘Well, we’ll just have to hope she doesn’t tell Mam. Besides, we weren’t doing anything wrong – just talking.’

But I crossed my fingers and hoped Mam wouldn’t hear anything.

She was in an unusually mellow mood when we got in. She grumbled at me and asked where I’d been, but accepted it when I said we’d been to visit Lainie.

‘Mrs Macpherson gave us tea,’ I told her. ‘She says we can visit again next month if we want.’

‘If that slut of a sister of yours is still there. But at least you’ve had your tea so you can get on with cleaning the bedrooms. Mr Phillips has gone on a visit of his own, but he’s paid his rent in full for next week – so we shan’t have to feed him. And he bought me a present.’ She stroked almost lovingly the bottle of good Irish whisky standing on the table in front of her. ‘Well, what are you waiting for?’

‘Do I have to do his room tonight, Mam? If he’s away the week … All right, but I only polished it through two days ago.’

‘Well, you can do it again – and less of your cheek, miss. Or you’ll feel the back of me hand.’

She took a swipe at me as I went past her, but her heart wasn’t in it for once and I was able to avoid the blow. She was pouring herself a glass of whisky as I collected my polishing rags and went through to the parlour. Tommy came clattering up the stairs after me. His face had lost the bright look it had worn all afternoon and I could see that he was close to tears.

‘What’s the matter, me darlin’?’

‘Mam told me to get out of her way. What’s wrong with her, Bridget? Maggie Ryan gets cross with Billy sometimes, but she’s not like Mam.’

I took hold of his hand, leading him into my bedroom and we sat on the bed. He had a little coughing fit, so I waited for him to finish.

‘I don’t know why she’s the way she is, Tommy. I don’t mind her getting at me, but I wish she would be kinder to you.’

‘I wish we could run away together. When I’m grown up I’m going to America to make my fortune and then you can come and live with me. I’ll take care of you, Bridget. Mam won’t shout at you then.’

‘I don’t mind her grumbling,’ I told him and kissed the top of his head. ‘Why don’t you slip next door with Billy and Maggie? I’ll come and fetch you when it’s time for bed.’

He nodded, clearly still troubled, and rubbed at his chest as if it hurt him. ‘Do you ever wish she would die, Bridget?’

‘No, of course not – and nor must you. It would be a mortal sin and you know what Father Brannigan would have to say about that, don’t you?’ The priest was his teacher at the Catholic school he attended, and Tommy respected him. He nodded but looked miserable as I continued: ‘I know Mam has a terrible temper, darlin’, but I don’t wish her harm. One day you and me will go away together.’

‘You should marry Ernie Cole,’ Tommy said and grinned as I pulled a face. ‘He’s sweet on you, our Bridget. You’re a real looker with them green eyes o’ yours. Ernie would come courting if you gave him half a chance.’

‘Get off next door, you cheeky monkey. I’ve work to do!’

I smiled to myself as he laughed and ran out, thinking about what he had said for a moment, but I sneaked a look at myself in the mirror. I supposed I wasn’t bad looking, my hair had reddish tints sometimes and my eyes were a bit green. I knew Ernie liked me, but I doubted he had any thoughts of marriage. I’d seen him off to the pub on Friday and Saturday nights, and the company he chose told me that he wasn’t thinking of settling yet.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be taken out by Ernie – or anyone else come to that. I supposed that I might think of marriage one day, though I was a bit wary of getting trapped into the kind of marriages that some of my neighbours endured.

Anyway, there wasn’t much chance of my getting married, I didn’t have time to go courting.

Tommy’s cough was getting worse again. I wrapped a scarf I’d knitted around his neck as I sent him off to school.

‘Don’t stand about in the cold wind,’ I told him. ‘And ask Father Brannigan if you can stay in at break. Tell him I told you to ask.’

‘I’m all right,’ Tommy said, but he looked pale and he’d been awake half the night with his cough. ‘Can we visit Lainie tomorrow?’

‘Yes, I should think so. I spoke to Mrs Macpherson as I was walking home last night from the brewery. She said she was expecting us and I was to be sure to bring you, as she would have a special treat for you.’

Tommy’s face lit up and he gave me a quick hug, then ran off to call for Billy Ryan. Mam was still in her room; she’d grumbled about having a headache and told me to cook the lodger’s breakfast when I’d gone to call her earlier. I was still at the sink washing the dishes when Maggie Ryan opened the door and asked if she could come in.

‘O’ course you can.’ I dried my hands on a bit of towel. ‘I’ve done now, but I’ve time for a cuppa before I go to work if you fancy one? I could take one up to Mam – she’s feeling a bit under the weather the mornin’.’

‘Don’t you bother for me, Bridget love,’ Maggie said. She hesitated uncertainly for a moment. ‘It was your Tommy I came about, Bridget. He’s been after coughin’ again all night. Tell me to mind my own business if you like, but shouldn’t you be thinkin’ of takin’ him to the doctor?’

‘Do you think I ought, Maggie?’ Her words had echoed thoughts I had been trying to keep at bay. ‘Does he seem poorly to you? I asked Mam but she said it was just a chill, told me she’d no money to waste on visits to doctors.’

‘I’ve been wondering if I should tell you,’ Maggie said and again she was hesitant. ‘Our Billy says he was coughin’ up blood the other day in the playground.’

‘Blood? Maggie, no! Do you think he’s got …’

I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. Consumption was such a terrible illness. Children in the slum areas caught all kinds of nasty diseases, such as rickets and worms and a hundred and one other things, but consumption was contagious and they usually sent people in the final stages to the isolation infirmary, which was a horrible place.

‘Ah, don’t take on so, Bridget. Mick said as I shouldn’t say anything – you’ve troubles enough so you have – but it’s been on my mind.’

‘I’m glad you told me. I shall have to speak to Lainie – see what she thinks. We’re visiting her tomorrow. Tommy is looking forward to it.’

I glanced up at the ceiling as I heard a thumping noise upstairs. ‘It sounds as though Mam’s getting up. She had a headache this mornin’. Are you sure you won’t stay for a cup of tea, Maggie?’

‘No, I’m off to the market.’ She paused, then: ‘If there’s anythin’ I can do at any time, Bridget. I know it must be hard for you … the way things are with your mam.’

‘Thank you, Maggie. I shall have to run now or I’ll be late for work.’

‘I’ll call upstairs to your mam,’ Maggie said. ‘You get off, love. You’re in more of a hurry than me.’

‘Bless you, Maggie.’

I grabbed my shawl from the hook behind the door. Mrs Dawson had been quite sharp with me recently. She wouldn’t be happy if I was late again.

As I hurried through the lane to the brewery, my thoughts were with my brother. What would happen to Tommy if he had consumption? I knew that sometimes people went away to places where the air was better to get over it, but that was bound to cost money. We couldn’t afford to send Tommy to the mountains for a cure in some fancy hospital in Switzerland. Even the cost of a visit to the doctor was going to stretch my slim resources, but somehow I would find the money.

I thought of Tommy’s pale face as I’d sent him off to school that morning, and my heart caught with pain. What would I do if anything happened to him?

Lainie was looking pleased with herself when I saw her that Saturday afternoon. I asked if she’d heard from Hans, but she shook her head, a little smile on her mouth.

‘Why are you smiling like the cat that got the cream then?’

‘Am I?’ She touched something at her throat and I saw that she was wearing a heavy gold cross and chain. ‘I wonder why …’

‘Where did you get that? I’ve never seen you wear it before.’

‘A friend gave it to me …’ She laughed huskily, a sly look in her eyes. ‘Don’t look at me like that, Bridget. It was a gift, that’s all. I didn’t do anything for it – nothing wrong anyway.’

‘What will Hans say if he sees you wearing it?’

‘I can’t help it if men find me attractive,’ she said, looking sulky. ‘Hans said he would be back before now. If he’d come when he promised I wouldn’t have met … someone else.’