Crazy Little Thing Called Love: The perfect laugh out loud romantic comedy you won’t be able to put down

‘Did we?’ Olga started stroking Nick’s arm with her fingernail.

‘Yes, we were talking about your wedding and you were making notes on Lucy’s bridal folder. And telling me about the bridesmaid dresses you’ve already got?’

Leila had never seen the physical manifestation of the phrase ‘blood draining from face’ before, but before her eyes it happened to both Nick and Olga at the same time. Nick retrieved his arm from Olga’s tight grip, coughed and pushed his chair back. ‘I need a smoke, back soon.’

Leila pushed open the door to the terrace and walked over to where Nick was lighting a new cigarette from the dying embers of the last one. ‘I told the waitress to keep your lamb warm, they’re clearing the table now.’

Nick shrugged, ‘Cheers, but I’ve lost my appetite anyway.’

‘So… I take it the engagement was very much in Olga’s head,’ Leila ventured.

‘It’s our fifth date. So yes, very much so, although now you mention it, she did insist on meeting Mum after the first one. To tell the truth I didn’t even want to bring her today, but Lucy insisted as otherwise it would cock up the numbers or something. But it’s a massive thing isn’t it, bringing someone you barely know to your sibling’s wedding?’ He wasn’t to know that this made Leila cringe a little. ‘And I didn’t want to give the wrong signals this was more serious than it was, and all the time she’s been planning our wedding.’ He took a deep inhalation from his cigarette and blew the smoke out. ‘Jesus, women!’

‘Can I take this opportunity to point out your audience?’ Leila joked.

‘Sorry. I’m just fed up of every woman I date trying to fast track from the getting to know you stage straight to the altar.’

‘At least yours made the dinner, my date didn’t even have a Pimms before he legged it to a better offer.’

‘That makes me feel better. At least I’m not the biggest loser here.’

‘You’re welcome.’

‘But at least you’re now free to enjoy the party. I have to go back in there, break up with a fiancée I didn’t know I had, and then I am going to have to call her a taxi.’

‘But her name is Olga.’

‘Oh, that’s a bad, bad joke.’

They stood opposite each other both looking fittingly solemn. And annoyed. Leila’s mouth began to twitch, and then Nick smiled the start of a bigger smile. Before long they were both convulsed in laughter that didn’t stop until Lucy angrily shouted from the window that the desserts were being served.

Somewhere between the coffee and the first dance, in that lull that always happened at weddings when the bride and groom often disappeared to ‘freshen up’ while the dining tables were moved to make way for a dance floor, Nick put a tearful Olga in a taxi. He’d spent nearly an hour on a sofa in the reception with her begging him not to ruin her life.

‘Double whisky please,’ he asked the barman weakly on his return back to the bar. He perched on a stool alongside Leila, who too had made the transition to hard liquor. ‘What a day.’

‘Thank God it’s almost over and we can all get back to our lives.’ Leila lifted up her tumbler and clinked it against Nick’s. ‘Cheers to never hearing the phrase “but it’s my wedding” ever again. I swear I have it on repeat in my head.’

‘Why let yourself get so involved though? She’s not your sister. I managed to not get roped in.’

‘I know, I’m weak and impressionable. But I’m working on changing that. Spending a whole evening stuffing sugared almonds into tiny pieces of netting only for 200 people to pick them up and proclaim, “I don’t like almonds,” has made me realise I need to be more assertive.’

‘It would have been cool being on that table with the woman with the nut allergy. They all had Haribo sweets instead. They lucked out.’

‘Indeed they did.’

They both sat in silence, staring ahead into the mirror behind the optics. As the background lounge music turned into a very loud One Direction hit, Nick leant forward and banged his head hard on the bar three times. ‘Leila, I swear to God, if we don’t find a way to escape this hellhole in the next fifteen seconds, then this is officially the worst day of my life.’

‘Come on then.’

She led him through the maze of corridors through a door marked Staff Only, past a couple of waitresses staring at their phones, and through the spotless lino-clad kitchens. Leila ducked into her parents’ office to retrieve a key from the desk drawer and then pushed open a disabled fire exit door.

The hit of cool evening air with the lingering scent of salt water was a welcome respite from the stuffy bar and they both took long breaths in. ‘I love the sea.’ Nick’s eyes were closed, his face slightly upturned to the sky.

‘Me too. As much as I love living in London I do feel my shoulders dropping a few notches whenever I get back here.’ Leila pulled Nick to the very edge of the driveway and parted some of the thick branches of an oak tree. ‘Come and stand here, in this exact spot.’ Leila moved a foot to the left so Nick could take her place. The whole town was laid out in front of them. The panorama took in the whole of the harbour below, across to the Castle and Naval College on the other side of the town. Down on the water you could see the lights from the passenger ferry’s last journey across the river, taking tourists back to the waiting steam train. ‘Isn’t that view incredible? I’ve tried taking photos of it so many times but it never captures just how amazing it is. I’ve tried painting it too, but nothing does it justice.’

Nick smiled at Leila’s unexpected burst of sentimentality. ‘Where are you taking me now?’

‘You’ll see.’

Chapter 7 (#ulink_56fb4da2-68c9-57d9-917e-91eb881d7642)

The harbour master waved Leila and Nick through onto the main jetty that led to the smaller pontoons gently bobbing above the water. It was only eight in the evening, and the start of dusk was in the air. On the back of every boat people were having dinner, or sharing a bottle of wine, stretched out on the ubiquitous striped benches that adorned every stern.

‘Careful, it gets narrow here,’ Leila said, as they reached Thomas and Judy’s pride and joy, a ten-year old motor yacht called Hendricks. Thomas had lobbied Judy relentlessly throughout Leila’s entire childhood for a boat, and as soon as she had left home Judy finally relented. There was something very special about being a boat owner, Judy had confided after the purchase, like a magical membership to an exclusive club. Judy had thrown herself into the role, replacing the small round buttons on her navy blazers with some that sported anchors, and developing a wardrobe mainly made up of navy and white stripes. If the new hobby had been golf, not boating, Leila was sure diamond sweaters and plus fours would have been the sartorial staple. One always needed to look the part, didn’t one. But it did mean that this evening on the marina, the two of them stood out somewhat, with Leila in her bright coral bridesmaid dress, and Nick in his tails – he’d misplaced the hat, which would have cost him the deposit from the hire place.

Using the key she’d taken from her father’s desk drawer, Leila unlocked the canopy and climbed on deck.

‘Permission to climb aboard,’ Nick said saluting.

‘Permission granted,’ Leila laughed, grabbing his hand and helping him step over the side.

‘Nice digs.’ He said looking around.

‘It’s only marginally smaller than my flat, and a tenth of the price. Come down here, I’ll give you a tour.’

They descended the five steps into the cabin, and Leila opened a cupboard that concealed a fridge fully stocked with a variety of alcohol. ‘Beer, wine, champagne, or shall we stick with the hard spirits?’

‘Do you know what, a beer would be amazing.’ Nick started opening some of the other cupboards. ‘This place is like a tardis, it’s brilliant!’

Leila nodded her head along the galley kitchen, as she clicked the top off the two bottles of beer, ‘Look down there, there’s the cabin.’

Nick opened the small door, and just beyond it was a big double bed in the bow of the boat, the mattress tapering to a point at the end. ‘I love it! Do you know what?’ He turned around and accepted the beer. ‘I’ve never even been on a boat that wasn’t a ferry or a canoe. This is awesome. I would totally live on this.’

‘It gets well stinky in winter with the damp, but it’s lovely in the summer. You would have to start wearing a sailor’s hat and slip on deck shoes and swap your cigarettes for a pipe though, or you wouldn’t be allowed in the marine club.’

‘I don’t want to be ostracised for being a landlubber.’

‘See! You already know the lingo, you’re halfway there!’ Leila led Nick back outside, picking up two more bottles of beer and a packet of peanuts out of the fridge on the way. She lifted the top of the bench that ran along the back of the boat and pulled some cushions out, putting them on two of the chairs around the table. ‘Have a seat.’

A couple of minutes passed. They were both happy to sit and drink their cold beer enjoying the last of the sunshine away from the oppressive humidity of the wedding’s dance floor.

Nick finally broke the silence, which Leila was glad of. She’d started to feel uncharacte‌ristically shy. ‘So Lei, can I call you Lei?’

Leila nodded. No-one had called her Lei before. It was quite nice.

‘What’s your brother like? I’ve only met him twice before.’

‘He’s quite nice. A bit earnest and serious at times, but a decent bloke. He’s quite focused.’