Wounds Of Passion

He hesitated, which, with Rae, was always fatal. ‘Come on,’ she coaxed, sliding her hand through his arm again, and he let her lead him across the road into the car park lined by palm trees.

As Rae unlocked her little red Fiat, he said roughly, ‘But only if you promise not to ask any questions!’

‘I won’t even mention Laura,’ Rae reassured, as they both got into the car.

But she had. Laura, he thought, the mere sound of the name opening a new wound in his heart. Oh, Laura, how could you do this to me?

When he was younger, he had never had a problem attracting girls—not that he was handsome; he had never been that. He had learnt in his teens, though, that he had something—he wasn’t sure what it was, but he did know that for some reason girls liked him. Maybe it was his build—he had shot up when he was sixteen, to almost six feet, and he had a good body, because he liked sport, especially at school. He wasn’t a beefy, hefty man, but he was wiry, his arms and legs tough and muscled, and he dressed well, kept his brown hair smoothly brushed.

But he had often thought it was his temperament girls went for—he was light-hearted, liked life on the sunny side, enjoyed being with other people, smiled a lot; and he hadn’t taken anything seriously until he’d met Laura Grainger and fallen in love like Humpty Dumpty falling off a wall.

And now, like Humpty Dumpty, he was in pieces, and not all the King’s horses or all the King’s men could put him together again.

He had known from the start that Laura didn’t love him as much as he loved her, and perhaps it was even her coolness that first attracted him? She was a challenge after years of finding it easy to get girls. One look at her, and Patrick had actually heard his heart beating. It had been an odd experience. That was how he’d known he was in love. What else could make you suddenly aware of your own heart beating? He’d never been aware of it before.

He had soon realised that Laura didn’t just look cool—she was cool. She was beautiful and clever, quite accustomed to being chased by men; and very different from the other girls he had dated. They had been eager to wait on Patrick hand and foot—done his washing, cleaned his flat, cooked him meals. Laura hadn’t; she was far too busy running her public relations agency. She wasn’t the domesticated sort, either. They ate out quite often, and when they ate at home it was usually in Patrick’s immaculate flat, and Patrick cooked the meal.

He had always enjoyed looking after himself; he was a practical man who was good at doing practical things.

Whether it was painting or modelling in clay or bronze, or ironing, cooking and cleaning, he was deft, with quick, capable hands; and he was intensely interested in detail. He had endless patience with objects, and people. Whatever the work, Patrick enjoyed the sense of satisfaction he got from a job well done, but it was even more of a pleasure to him when he was doing it for Laura.

Her name carried so many echoes, like remembered music—Laura, he thought; Laura, cool as a winter morning, distant as the dark blue horizon he saw as Rae’s red Fiat turned into the Promenade des Anglais and sped along beside the sea.

He had always had a dream girl at the back of his mind, the sort of girl he wanted to marry one day, and the minute he had seen her he’d known Laura perfectly matched that image—with her cat-like green eyes and pale golden hair, the slender elegance of her body and that fine-boned face.

He’d once asked Laura, ‘Did you ever daydream about the sort of man you wanted to marry?’ Of course, he’d hoped she would tell him he was her dream come true.

‘Of course, doesn’t everybody?’ she had smiled. ‘I knew it would have to be a man who was ready to share everything with me—fifty-fifty. Who was cheerful about cooking supper if I was tired, or would do the shopping for me when I had to work late, who didn’t expect me to wait on him the way my mother waited on my father, as if she were a servant and he were the lord and master. I made up my mind when I was very small that I’d never put up with that sort of relationship.’

How stupid could you be? he thought, his eyes dark. He had made himself everything he’d thought she wanted him to be; but she had still left him. Well, he’d never turn himself into a doormat for another woman. Doormats just got walked all over—the way Laura had walked all over him.

He had been a fool. He’d lied to himself, told himself she was too busy to have time for love; Laura was a high-powered and ambitious woman whose business drained all her energy and attention. Her emotions had been in deep freeze, but one day, he had believed, she would suddenly thaw, and he would be there.

He had been wildly wrong. Oh, she had suddenly thawed, but not for him—for another man.

For all Laura’s talk about being a modern woman who would only marry a man who treated her like an equal, for all her claim to want a modern man who was ready to share the jobs around their home, who would happily change a nappy or do the ironing, who could be gentle, sympathetic, caring...for all that, she had ended up by dumping him for a man who was the exact opposite of everything she had said she wanted.

Patrick was still reeling from the shock. Who could have guessed? Oh, now and then he had worried that one day Laura might meet someone who really got to her in a way that Patrick knew he didn’t. But never in a million years would he have suspected it could be Josh Kern.

The man Laura finally flipped over was an aggressive Yorkshire farmer who had put Laura’s back up the minute she met him. It had never occurred to Patrick that she might actually find Josh Kern attractive. Laura was sophisticated and clever—what could she have in common with a farmer Patrick saw as some sort of Neanderthal, who rode over anyone who got in his way, who certainly showed no signs of being gentle or caring? Patrick couldn’t even imagine the guy changing a nappy, let alone cooking or doing the shopping.

From the first day she met Kern Laura had been very vocal on the subject of how much she disliked him, and Patrick had believed her until the other day, when he had arrived at her flat to find Kern there and to see the way they looked at each other. He had known in a flash, and hadn’t needed to hear Laura admit she had fallen in love with the guy.

It showed in her eyes, in her face, even in her body. She had been alight with passion.

Patrick’s jaw clenched. Rae caught sight of his tense face and instinctively put out a hand, touched his arm. ‘Oh, Patrick, don’t! I hate to see you so miserable!’

He jerked his arm away, scowling. ‘Oh, for God’s sake! How many times do I have to tell you? Leave me alone, can’t you?’

Her kindness was like a fingertip laid on raw, burnt skin; the lightest brush was agony to him. He needed to be alone, to be quiet, to be still. Pain throbbed in his head, his veins, his heart. He wished to God Rae had not come to the airport.

‘Which hotel?’ Rae asked huskily a moment later, and when he told her, ‘Oh, yes, I know it, one of the nineteenth-century hotels, lovely ironwork balconies,’ she assured him, weaving in and out of the fast, busy traffic pouring along the Promenade des Anglais, the blue of the Baie des Anges on the right and the elegant façades of Nice hotels on the left.

‘How’s the new book coming?’ Patrick asked curtly, and Rae accepted the change of subject, beginning to talk about her work.

She had written her first children’s book when she was at university. A modern fairy-story, it was a runaway bestseller and was later made into a very successful film, with spinoffs from toys and games, making Rae Dunhill a very wealthy and famous writer.

Patrick had been very excited when she had asked him to illustrate the new series of books she was writing—international stories of mythology and legend. He’d leapt at the chance to work with a writer he admired, and he hadn’t argued when Rae insisted he did everything her way.

Maybe that was my trouble! Patrick thought, his eyes moody. Maybe I was too eager to please; both her, and Laura. I never argued with either of them, let them ride roughshod over me. Did Laura come to despise me in the end? Stop thinking about her! he angrily told himself.

They left the Promenade, spun round a corner and then another; the sea breeze blew his brown hair across his face, and he raked it back with an impatient gesture, felt Rae giving him sideways glances, and sensed her trying to read his mind, which made his profile harden, resisting her.

‘Here we are,’ she said, pulling up outside his hotel.

‘Thanks for the lift,’ he said and managed a reluctant, apologetic smile. It wasn’t Rae’s fault that his engagement had been broken off, after all; and it had been very kind of her to drive all this way, across the Italian border, to come to the airport to meet him. He shouldn’t have been so surly with her.

‘I enjoyed the drive,’ she assured him, then put a hand on his arm. ‘Patrick...’

‘Yes?’ Not more questions! he thought, a little nerve twitching beside his mouth, while behind his sunglasses his blue eyes burnt fixedly on the bluer sky.

‘Will you at least come over to Bordighera for the weekend? Alex gives famous barbecue parties on the beach; he’s planning one for Saturday, and it will be terrific fun. Do come!’

‘How many times do I have to tell you?’ he broke out, then his voice shook and he had to stop speaking. He felt her watching his averted face and wanted to scream at her, Stop staring! Will you just leave me alone? But he couldn’t; it would have been too much of a self-betrayal. He struggled to contain his rage, but felt as if his bones were pushing out through his tense skin. Then he caught sight of Rae’s small hands trembling on the wheel, her knuckles showing white. There was a silence for a few minutes and Patrick stared out of the window without seeing anything.

Why am I taking it out on her? he thought. She’s only a little thing, for all her bossiness and her self-assurance. It isn’t her fault.

‘OK,’ he muttered. ‘I’ll come for Saturday night, but just for the weekend, Rae!’

‘That’s fine,’ she said, breaking into a smile. ‘I’m so glad, Patrick; I’m sure you’ll have a great time, and you’re going to love Alex and Susan-Jane. They’ve got a terrific sense of humour.’

‘They’ll need it, if they’re to put up with me for a weekend,’ Patrick said with bitter humour.

Rae laughed, then said hurriedly, her voice husky and unsure, stammering so that it didn’t even sound like Rae talking, ‘Patrick, I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but I have to ask...it wasn’t...Laura wasn’t...well, lately, I did wonder if...if she resented you being with me...being away so much, I mean? I remember she was upset when you had to change your plan to meet her in Amsterdam because I insisted we went back to Rome to do some more work there. That wasn’t what you quarrelled over, was it? She wasn’t...’ She broke off, very pink, then went on, ‘She wasn’t jealous over me, was she, Patrick? I’d hate to think I’d been the cause of you two breaking up.’

Patrick gave a curt bark of angry amusement. ‘Odd you should say that. Laura did make some stupid remark about you and me, hinting that I might be interested in you.’

Rae’s face turned scarlet. ‘Oh, no...’

‘There’s no need to look like that—that wasn’t why we split up! She was just using you as an excuse, and I told her she needn’t try to pretend she believed anything so crazy!’

Rae’s hot colour drained away, leaving her pale. ‘Yes, of course—it would be crazy,’ she said flatly.

Patrick was scowling up at the elegant white façade of the hotel, built during the Second Empire, with that faint trace of fantasy, of over-decoration.

‘She couldn’t possibly have believed it; she was only trying to use you as an excuse,’ he said grimly. ‘She wouldn’t have to feel guilty if she could kid herself I was interested in another woman.’

‘She must be out of her mind, preferring someone else to you!’ Rae broke out, and he laughed harshly.