Make Me Lose Control

He stared into his coffee. “Maybe it would be better if it came from you.”

She made a sound that was half laugh, half snort. “You’re not paying me enough for that, big guy.”

Double shit. He wasn’t. “I could—”

“Save your breath. This is all on you.”

“All right. Fine.” And he knew she was right. What he didn’t know was exactly how to explain it to London. Still, after a quick breakfast and a detour to his room, his determination got him to the upstairs study area in a timely fashion.

Or not so timely, he realized, when he saw London in front of a computer, already perusing what looked to be some complicated math problems on the desktop’s monitor. It was 8:05 a.m.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as the girl and her tutor looked up. “At it already?”

Shay had an essay in front of her, a red pen poised over it. “London loves her quadratic equations.”

The teen rolled her eyes—once again circled with that black somewhat disturbing makeup. “I don’t love anything.”

Jace had no adequate response. But he couldn’t just walk away, either. “Do you mind if I hang out awhile?” His gaze went to Shay. “I’ll keep quiet.”

“Or not,” she murmured, sending him a significant look.

Ignoring it, he pulled out a chair on the same side of the table as his daughter. While she continued to work, he drew a science textbook toward him and began turning pages.

At the scratch of pencil on paper, he looked over. London was intent on the numbers she’d transferred there. The computer monitor had changed to screensaver mode. Photographs popped onto the screen like rabbits from a hat before being sucked down again and another moved into view. Jace stared at image after image of his ex-wife.

After a couple of minutes, he became aware of London. Her head was up and she was as focused on him as he’d been on the screen. He floundered for something to say.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “Those are good. Very good likenesses of your mother. Did you take them?”

The girl nodded.

“She was a beautiful woman,” he said. Though she looked more mature in the photographs than he remembered, of course, there was still that knockout figure, the beautiful flow of light brown hair hanging down her back and her vivacious smile.

“Is that why you married her?” London asked. “Because she was beautiful?”

His grin felt rueful. “It certainly didn’t hurt. I was twenty-one.”

“She was older, right?” the teen said. “Like, a cougar.”

“No.” He laughed and he glanced across the table to gauge Shay’s reaction. She didn’t appear to be listening, her focus still on the essay, the red pen moving along. “Your mother was only five years older than me. I met her when I was doing some moonlighting at her house—where she lived with her father.”

London tilted her head. “‘Moonlighting’?”

“A second job.” He closed the science textbook and shifted his chair to more fully face the teen. “I had a day position, but I also made extra money by doing some building on the side...weekends and evenings.” Hal Olson, the construction firm owner he worked for Monday through Friday, had promised if Jace could get some cash together he’d let him buy into a slice of one of the company’s new projects. Canny as all get-out, but already feeling the ill effects of the disease that would finally take his life, the old man had tapped into Jace’s ambition and unflagging drive.

For a long time he’d thought those same qualities had doomed his marriage. Later, he’d understood that Elsa’s agenda had been part of the problem, too.

But when he was twenty-one... “I remember the first time I saw her. I was up on the roof of the garage, and she sped into the circular drive in her white convertible, her hair waving in the wind like a flag. She looked up at me, gave a jaunty wave and...”

“And?” London’s prompt was oh-so-casual.

“And we ended up getting married.” Though in his mind there’d been no hurry to get rings. He would have been content to date Elsa—yes, and bed her. Six months later, however, she’d come to him with the news of her pregnancy and the suggestion of a quick trip to Las Vegas. Jace had considered marrying the mother of his child the right thing to do, despite her father’s fury.

“But then my mom went to London.”

“Then your mom went to London. There were some issues with her family she wanted to get away from. And I...I had financial responsibilities in LA that meant I couldn’t leave with her.” By then, Hal Olson was clearly losing his fight with cancer and wanted Jace to take over the company, giving him a big piece of it so that he would keep Olson Construction in business. That way, Hal had ensured a future income for his young grandchildren.

“But I did come visit you,” Jace said. “Do you remember that?”

London was looking down now, her pencil in hand as she drew idly on her paper. What did girls doodle? He was a swords-and-stacks-of-boxes kind of guy. These looked like tiny circles or maybe a bed of flowers.

“I think I’ve seen some photos of us together,” she said, frowning a little. “Or maybe they’re memories. I’m not sure.”

“Every couple of months I came to see you, until you were about five.” Things had gotten sticky with Elsa after that. She’d filed for divorce and then he’d taken the company international, which meant long periods of time in India, Vietnam, China. He cleared his throat again, wondering how much to say. “I should have kept up my visits. Your mom...”

“You don’t have to say it.” London glanced over, her voice lowering. “I knew my mom pretty well.”

Shit. A kid shouldn’t have to sound like that, like she’d been the adult in the relationship. He wanted to punch his own face again. At the time, he’d done what he’d thought was best, sending money, sending—

“Really, it’s all right,” the teen said. “She could be lots of fun. Exciting to be around, you know? In a drama-rama kind of way.”

Yeah, he knew. But he also knew that at this moment the kid sounded like she was a fifty instead of fifteen.

London had scribbled a field of flowers now. “And you know what? She was really good at picking books.”

Everything inside Jace froze. If he moved, he thought he might crack in two. “Oh?” he managed.

“Mmm-hmm. Every month or so she’d give me two or three—some just out, others that were old but I’d never read before.”

There was pain in his chest and pain at the base of his skull. They both throbbed in time to the dirge of his heartbeat. “That’s...that’s great. A nice memory. A very nice memory.”

The computer screen had gone black now and Jace was grateful his ex’s image was gone. He put his hand to the back of his neck and tried to massage away the discomfort.

“Jace?”

Masking a wince, he shifted toward Shay, who was staring at him from the other side of the table.