Steven. Crazy on You

The anger was evident in his voice but the only reaction from either girl was a soft “don’t go” from Monica. He looked at her and realized that since Diane’s arrival back in the lounge room he had not even as much as given her a sideways glance, even though she had been the only one to have actually spoken to him. He recognized even through his anger, that Monica was sincere and also saw this in her face, as well as something else, something he couldn’t quite identify.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?” He tried to sound angry still, but it came out almost pleading. “What do you want, if I don’t start getting straight answers I will Mon, I’ll go and you and I somehow will have to face each other in the morning at work, and it won’t be me that is embarrassed or stressed, it will be you, I just want you two to top playing games and come clean, just what the fuck do you want from me?”

Monica sat looking at him, almost sad, he swiveled his head slightly to look at Diane, and was relieved to see that she had covered herself and was also looking at least a bit concerned. That was it he thought, the look on Mons’ face was one of concern, but for who he thought, for him, or for herself, or for Diane?

“Sit down please Steven and we’ll tell you, well, try to explain it to you anyway, please?” she pleaded.

Diane also now. “Yes, please sit Steven, I’m sorry, Mon keeps telling me I’m such a bitch sometimes, and maybe I went to far.”

“Christ, if I hear one more please I will go” he tried jokingly. “So, what is it you want?” He sat as he spoke and then looked at the pair of them and added, “Are you trying to get to know me before a menage-au-trois or what, aargh… sorry”. He realized it was definitely the wrong thing to say when both girls looked at each other and then at him, plain and utter contempt at his words on their faces. “Look I’m sorry, I said that much earlier and I meant it, I still do, I just want to know what you want. I find you both desirable, Mon you know you perplex me like no woman I have ever met before in my life and you are cute as well and that combination attracts me to you, and Diane, well you are just the most beautiful woman I have ever met and I think you are both extremely lucky to have each other; I’m extremely envious of you both. If this thing that you are trying to do to me has anything to do with sex or sexuality, then it’s my turn to say please, please let’s stop beating around the bush and get on with it. If it doesn’t have anything to do with sex, then just stop teasing me, the pair of you.”

Steven believed for just about the first time in his life, he had spoken deliberately without stray or ambiguous thoughts crossing his mind to interfere. Trouble was, he now sat there looking at the pair of them wandering what the hell he had said. He realized the frustration of the evening had caused him to lose some of his natural mental agility, and now wondered how much more he was likely to lose as a result of events to come.

Diane leaned forward, her right hand holding her skirt hem down between her thighs. She reached out with her left and grabbed the top of Steven’s right shoe and waggled it back and forth.

“I am sorry Steven, I mean it. Mon has told me so much about you, and I’ve been very unfair to you, and very wicked too”. Her eyes sparkled in jest then returned to being serious. Steven saw that her eyes were a darker blue but just for that moment when she had smiled – they had returned to their lighter shade. She glanced quickly at Monica and continued. “You are the first guy that Monica in her whole life has found attractive, but you are such a prick to women she is having a lot of trouble coming to terms with that attraction.”

Steven stared at Diane, he didn’t dare look at Monica. He was still unsure of where this was going now and wasn’t even sure he wanted to know. Diane took his silence and wide eyed stare to mean he was still confused.

“Steven, I think you’re cute too, in fact under other circumstances I could probably be attracted to you as well, but I see the traits that Mon has told me about, the good and the bad, and understand her confusion. And thank you for telling me I’m beautiful” her eyes lightened and sparkled again “but the reason we asked you over tonight has nothing to do with sex, directly anyway. I am bi, you know, I like men as well as woman, but, let’s just say that previous experiences have made me, for the time being anyway, exclusively homosexual. Meeting you has done nothing but reinforce that, but Mon, she is a lesbian, always has been and always will be, up until you dropped into her life anyway.”

Steven began fidgeting, he was getting very uncomfortable with this. He’d been trying for the truth for some time and now it was here, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know more.

“So…”

Diane cut him off with a wave of her hand, her right hand which meant her dress rode up again but she was ecstatic to see that Steven didn’t even seem to notice, his big dark eyes remained fixed on her face.

“Let me finish, okay?” and began again without waiting for a sign of consent. “Neither of us is looking for a relationship with you, other than as friends anyway, but I feel (he glanced at Monica and was surprised to see her looking almost comfortable with the conversation as if they were talking about work or the weather) that this is a possible chance for Mon to see that she could have a straight relationship, if she found the right person. You obviously have a lot of the attributes (“yeah, I’ve gotta dick” he thought.), but the biggest problem appears to be that you think you are Gods’ gift to women, and you treat them like shit whether you know it or not.” She stopped talking and looked lovingly and expectantly at him.

Steven was dumbfounded but somehow managed to ignore the look on Dianes face (“God she’s gorgeous”), and began by looking at Monicas legs, so close to his own still. He realized that he was still angry because of the continuous simmering he had been undergoing since his arrival was not sure he could be completely in control of what he wanted to say. He stared at Monicas legs without seeing them, not wanting to look at either of their faces. He remembered Louise and (“Shit what was her name? Right, Margaret”) from college, another Debbie, not the one from work now, and Glenda so long ago at school, and wondered that maybe he was missing something, maybe he had the wrong attitude as all of them had gone away in a lot of pain, but wasn’t that just a normal part of breaking up? Yeah, he had treated them like Goddesses, all of them, and wasn’t it them that had done the wrong thing, not him. That’s why HE had left them. “Janey, hmm, I’d almost forgotten about her, great lips and a great mouth and she knew how to use it too, and I don’t mean talking, though she did her fair bit of that at the end”.

He foreced himself to look at Monica’s face and the look of concern was back. He suddenly realized he had spoken out loud though not enough for them to understand his words. He was thankful for that!

“You okay Steven?”

The concern literally dripped from her lips or so he believed.

“Fuck you and all of you,” his head swiveling again from one giirl to the other. He sprang to his feet and nearly tripped backwards into the pappasan chair. “You know what I think, I think you just want to try a man, make someone subservient to the pair of you so you can both have it. You’re probably having trouble with your relationship so you (this to Mon) concoct this crap to try and get me to share your bitch with you so she won’t leave you, and you think because I’m not a big guy and because I’m good with women that you can control me, well think again you dyke bitches, I ain’t here to do your bidding and I am not the barstard you’re making me out to be…”.

The pause for a breath and the realisation that he had no control over what he was saying made Steven look everywhere, embarrassed and angry altogether at the same time. He flew over the top of their legs, and almost ran up the hallway towards the door. He heard one of their voices calling him from behind and thought “if you want me come after me” and then he was out the door into a cool Brisbane evening. He walked down the drive and heard his name again, so one, or both, had at least come to the door.

“C’mon” he muttered to himself.

He heard the sound of fast approaching footsteps on concrete, bare feet he smugly thought, so they had come after him and quickly as well. Don’t let anybody tell me I don’t know women, he thought satisfyingly. He whirled as the footsteps neared with all intent of presenting his angry face, even though he actually felt elated at having won, they were crawling after him, as usual, as per normal. He turned expecting Monica, after all this was supposed to be her big deal, her night, but instead he was stunned to see Diane slowing up now that he had stopped, tears pouring from her eyes almost comic in their volume. He remained impassive. The anger had settled but he was still seething from the adrenaline, from the whole lousy night really.

“What do you want Diane?” he said quietly.

He did not move, even though he felt like rushing up to her and cradling her in his arms as she wept. “Fuck them still” he thought “make them work for it”. He noticed again that Diane was incredibly beautiful even though her mascara ran down her cheeks from the tears, and probably at some stage, having wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she ran after him. Some of her hair wisped across the front of her face, and the desire to reach out and touch her was too great, even for his self control. At the touch of his hand, she looked up at him, those blue eyes piercing into his, and he was astonished again to see that they were as hard as flints.

“Gotcha, you fucking prick!” She hissed at him through clenched teeth and she turned and walked away. And once again she put an extra flourish into the movement of her hips and even glanced seductively at him over her shoulder, her face a grim mask of triumph, not a look of invitation. Steven saw through his haze of absolute hatred, saw this bitch prancing away from him and saw Monica silhouetted in the doorway. Monica said something to Diane as she passed, and then she was moving toward Steven, her head held high, now looking uncomfortable wearing a dress as it swished against her legs. He turned and walked away toward the gate.

“Steven? Steven? Please, Steven?”

She gasped as she drew alongside, and then finally in front facing him, making him stop. The exasperation in her voice appeared genuine, as had the concern Steven recalled. But he knew it had been bullshit, a setup all the time.

“Let me go Mon, let me go home and let’s just forget this happened, and tomorrow maybe, we’ll try to work together again, but I doubt that will be too successful so soon.”

He looked at her with his face steeled to receive the Diane treatment, but instead she stepped forward and put her hands on his upper arms. She looked intently into his face, her concern sickened him.

“What do you want Mon?”

His eyes searched her face, and she did not resist when he put his arms up and swept her against his body. He felt her arms go around him, but they did not hold him, and that stopped him from moving his face down and trying to kiss her. He could feel his hard on pressing against her belly, but as she also sensed it, she moved her lower body away from him and then he knew, that she was just trying to make it up to him, as difficult as it was for her. Mon felt him relax away from her, released her hold and they parted. They stood looking at each other and Steven realized with some sympathy that this night was NOT supposed to turn out this way at all, for any of them, but especially for Monica.

“Walk with me to the station”.

He said as a statement and she turned and stepped out beside him along the footpath. They walked in silence for a little way, he conscious of her right there beside him, wanting to put his arm around her but knowing he wanted to do it only as an automatic gesture, in this case a useless one, and she conscious of her attire and the disappointment of what had transpired. Neither wanted to be the first to break the silence but each wanted to say something, something sincere that may help to repair the damage. Steven was still angry, but more so at Diane than at Monica.

“Is she always that vicious”? There was a considerable pause as Monica sort for a reply. “I don’t know that I deserved any of it. After all, what did I do to either of you, or anybody else for that matter?” he offered again.

He stopped when she paused in silence again, and she also stopped and turned to face him.

“Look Steven, I can’t apologise for Diane but I am sorry, and (the concerned look again) the explanation she gave well, it was true mostly, but she really doesn’t know you to be able to say what she did, so for that I’m sorry”.

“Why should you be sorry, she said it, not you”.

“Yes, but she has a preconceived opinion based on what I’ve told her about you, so it IS my fault. Oh Steven, I really am sorry, it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this!”

“Well what was it supposed to turn out like, you know, was I supposed to sit there and be lectured until I became a goody goody or something, what”?

“Let’s not go through it all now. But I want you to know that I do find you attractive, which is confusing to me, and no, I don’t want to sleep with you, but you have to understand where Diane is coming from, and then maybe you’ll understand her behaviour.”

Steven lost all interest in Diane all of a sudden.

“You are attracted to me but you don’t want to do anything about it because you are a lesbian?”

“Steven, I really don’t want to go into that right now, we’ll, we’ll get together again, and this time because you know what it’s about, this time we’ll discuss it properly but I want to tell you about Diane alright”.

Steven reluctantly agreed.

“Next time; can we do it down the back bar of the Anglers Arms, somewhere a bit more public you know?” he grinned at her. “Alright, tell me about Diane”.

They began to walk again side by side, and this time Monica relaxed enough to allow her hips to rub against Steven’s, each time their steps did not coincide.

“She really is beautiful isn’t she”. She began with a statement that regardless of what had transpired, Steven could not argue with. “We met about four years ago, at Zargos’ in Lismore, she had just separated from her husband and was intent on drinking herself into oblivion.”

Steven knew Zargos’.

“So she was a les… you know, gay then?” he asked.