Sparks

“I don’t get rid of them. I give them a reason to get rid of me.”

David lifted a brow. “So you admit there’s a method to all this.”

“I don’t admit a thing.”

“What will you do when a woman doesn’t want to get rid of you?”

He smiled. “Not a problem. They always do.”

“That’s not something to brag about.”

His smile fell. “I wasn’t bragging. It’s a fact.”

They were silent then David said, “You shouldn’t be afraid.”

Jordan gripped his fork. There was that damn word again. Afraid. “Of what?”

“Marriage.”

“I’m not afraid of marriage,” he mumbled. “I just don’t like wives.”

“Is that supposed to make sense?”

Jordan leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Women are very clever. They don’t let us know about this transformation period they go through when you put a ring on their finger. It starts out slowly during the engagement. She becomes this pre-wedding banshee from hell, crying over lace tablecloths and napkins and screaming over whether you should have an ice sculpture of a swan or a rose.”

Jordan held a hand over his heart. “But you ignore this change because you know the wedding day is a special time for her and she’s under a lot of stress. Then you get married. The day when the engagement ring and the wedding ring meet. In the distance you can hear the door of your prison closing, but still you don’t know what lies ahead. You’ve bought into the fantasy that surrounds you, the lies you’ve been told. You look into her eyes and she still looks the same. She still looks like the woman you’ve been dating for over a year. Your girlfriend. Your sweet, sexy, loving girlfriend.” His hand fell to the table, rattling the dishes. “But the truth is your girlfriend is dead. Gone forever. You now have a wife.”

David shrugged. “So? Isn’t that the point of a wedding?”

“One day you’ll wake up, preferably after the honeymoon, it will be awkward otherwise, and you’ll see her looking at you. You won’t recognize the look at first because she’s never worn it before. However, you’ll know it’s not good.”

“How?”

“The hair on the back of your neck will itch. Suddenly, you’ll recognize it as the look your mother gave you when you did something wrong, but you weren’t sure what.”

David shivered. “I hated that look.”

“Exactly, and that’s when you’ll know.”

“Know what?”

“That she’s going to try and change you. She’s going to tell you how to wash dishes, clothes, take out the trash, what to wear, what to eat, how to shop. If you even glance at another woman she’ll think you’re on the verge of an affair. Once she has you suitably castrated—I mean domesticated—she’ll deliver the next blow.”

David scooped up his eggs, but they promptly dropped back to his plate. “Blow?”

Jordan sipped his coffee then set it down. “Yes, blow.” He hesitated. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Just say it.”

“If you even hint at wanting to start a family, she’ll accuse you of trying to stop her career, wanting to make her barefoot and pregnant and keeping her tied to the house. Don’t even try to explain that you can afford for her to be a stay-at-home mom. She’s an independent woman. She doesn’t need to be kept and offered an allowance from some chauvinistic, egotistic…”

David set his fork down, suppressing a grin. “You’re digressing.”

“Right. Anyway, if you do find a woman who won’t mind being a stay-at-home mother, you’re still in the danger zone.”

“What zone is that?”

“Resentment. You don’t even know you’ve stepped into it until it blows up in your face. One moment she’s a happy wife and mother. The next moment she blames you for all the ill in the world and hates you for looking down on her. For denying her a career of her own. She’s bored, she feels stifled and unappreciated for all the sacrifices she has made.” He cut his pancakes. “With those two choices in front of me, I’ve decided to stay single.”

David shook his head. “All women are not like that.”

“I agree. There are exceptions.”

“See?”

“They’re called lesbians.”

David shook his head again.

“You show me a happily married man and I’ll show you a woman with brass balls in her handbag.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You’ve never been married.” Jordan pointed his fork at him. “You still have time to dream. Go ahead and take the plunge. I already have and I don’t plan to again. I’d rather have a girlfriend than a wife. You get everything without the crap.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“Think of it as healthy skepticism. I’ve made a study of this and I have an over-fifty-percent divorce rate to back up my claim. Think about it.”

“I don’t want to think about it. There are women who make great wives.”

Jordan paused then nodded. “I can think of two women. One is of course your mother.”

David inclined his head. “Thank you.”

“The second is beautiful, sweet, loving and generous. I’d take her in an instant.”

“Why don’t you?”

“She’s married to my brother. Makes the situation a bit awkward.”

“There are other women out there. Your sister-in-law isn’t the only one.”

Jordan ignored him. “Unfortunately, Emma has one little flaw which would be the only reason I wouldn’t take her.”

“You just said you would marry her.”

“No, I said I would take her. I didn’t say I’d marry her.”