Something Old, Something New

‘I’m not going anywhere this evening,’ he says, staring right at me, his blue-green eyes like full pools after a rainstorm. I spent hours gazing into those eyes. Even now, it’s as though he can see right down to the bottom of my heart. I shake myself. Silly musings about my ex are not conducive to a successful double date with another man.

‘I bet you are. Probably got a date or two lined up.’ I try to sound light-hearted, not wanting anyone to misread my feelings here.

‘Yeah, Dad!’ Janis snorts. ‘You international jetsetter. Probably got an air stewardess or hotel manager lined up in every city.’ My baby girl! Laughing about her father’s sex life as if he’s a school chum.

‘Janis! Don’t speak to your father like that.’

She eyes me sideways and I shake my head. It’s not on to be disrespectful, not even if it’s true. Joking is one thing but it can go too far.

‘Sorry, Dad,’ she says then smiles goofily at me.

‘I really don’t have women lined up in every city you know, girls.’ Evan’s expression is deadly serious.

‘Dad, we’ve seen the photographs in the tabloids. All those beautiful models and celebrities at those swanky events you attend. The one you were at last month for that blockbuster you helped with the CGI for looked incredible! I’d love to come with you some time.’

Janis’ comment about the beautiful women stings, even though she’s teasing him. I have seen those pictures, the ones of big events that appear on the tabloid websites and are attended by the rich and famous. Even though we started off together as children of working class parents, who went to university then had a child together, our lives are so very different now. Seeing him with those women is strange, I can’t deny it. My throat tightens as I realise that it’s probably because he’s moved on while I’ve stayed basically the same, trapped in some kind of emotional stasis. I tried to escape it with Dex but I failed. I do need to move on myself.