The Vampire’s Assistant

“Nature’s Opposing Protectors,” Mr Tall explained. “They’re Eco Warriors. They run around the country, trying to stop new roads and bridges being built. They’ve been here a couple of months, but are due to move on soon.”

“Are they real warriors?” I asked. “Do they have guns and grenades and tanks?”

The two adults almost laughed their heads off.

“He can be quite silly sometimes,” Mr Crepsley said between fits of laughter, “but he is not as dumb as he seems.”

I felt my face reddening, but held my tongue. I knew from experience that it’s no use getting mad at grown-ups when they laugh at you; it only makes them laugh even harder.

“They call themselves warriors,” Mr Tall said, “but they’re not really. They chain themselves to trees and pour sand into the engines of JCBs and toss nails in the path of cars. That sort of thing.”

“Why—” I started, but Mr Crepsley interrupted.

“We do not have time for questions,” he said. “A few more minutes and the sun will be up.” He rose and shook Mr Tall’s hand. “Thank you for having us back, Hibernius.”

“My pleasure,” Mr Tall replied.

“I trust you took good care of my coffin?”

“Of course.”

Mr Crepsley smiled happily and rubbed his hands together. “That is what I miss most when I am away. It will be nice to bed down in it once more.”

“What about the boy?” Mr Tall asked. “Do you want us to knock together a coffin for him?”

“Don’t even think about it!” I shouted. “You won’t get me in one of those again!” I remembered what it felt like to be in a coffin, when I was buried alive, and shivered.

Mr Crepsley smiled. “Put Darren in with one of the other performers,” he said. “Somebody his own age, if possible.”