The World of David Walliams 5 Book Collection

“It’s nice to see you smile, Dennis. Lisa told me what happened at school. I am very sorry.”

“Thanks, Raj.”

“I must say you had me fooled though! Very good you looked, Denise! Ha ha! But I mean, being expelled for putting on a dress. It’s absurd! You haven’t done anything wrong, Dennis. You mustn’t be made to feel like you have.”

“Thanks, Raj.”

“Please help yourself to some free confectionery…”

“Wow thanks…” Dennis’s eyes lit up.

“…to the value of 22p.”

Watching Darvesh pack his football kit for the final was harder than Dennis had imagined. Not being able to play was the worst part of being expelled.

“I’m gutted you’re not in the team today, Dennis,” said Darvesh as he sniffed his socks to check they were clean. “You’re our star striker.”

“You guys will be OK,” said Dennis supportively.

“We don’t stand a chance without you and you know it. That Hawtrey is so evil, expelling you.”

“Well it’s done now, isn’t it? There’s nothing I can do.”

“There must be something. It’s so unfair. It’s only dressing up. It doesn’t bother me you know. You’re still Dennis, my mate, with or without the dress.”

Dennis was really touched, and wanted to hug Darvesh, but being twelve-year-old boys, hugging wasn’t really something they did.

“Those high heels must have been uncomfortable though!” said Darvesh.

“They’re murder!” said Dennis, laughing.

“Here’s your pre-match snack!” said Darvesh’s mum as she entered the room, carrying a tray piled high with food.

“What’s all this, Mum?” moaned Darvesh.

“I made you a little masala, some rice, dal, a chapatti, samosas, followed by a Wall’s Vienetta…”

“I can’t eat all this now, Mum! I’ll throw up! The game is in an hour!”

“You need your strength, boy! Doesn’t he, Dennis?”

“Well yes…” Dennis hesitated. “I suppose…”

“You tell him, Dennis, he won’t listen to me! You know I’m so sad you’re not playing today.”

“Thanks, it’s been a horrible week,” replied Dennis.

“You poor boy, expelled just for not wearing the correct school uniform. Darvesh never told me, what exactly were you wearing?”

“Erm, it really doesn’t matter Mum…” said Darvesh. He attempted to hurry her out of his room.

“No, it’s OK,” said Dennis. “I don’t mind her knowing.”

“Knowing what?” asked Darvesh’s mum.

“Well,” Dennis paused, before continuing in a serious tone. “I went to school wearing an orange sequined dress.”

There was silence for a moment.

“Oh, Dennis,” she said. “What a terrible thing to do!”

Dennis paled.

“I mean, orange is really not your colour Dennis,” she continued. “With your light hair you would probably look better in a pastel colour like pink or baby blue.”

“Um… thank you, said Dennis.”

“My pleasure, you can come to me anytime for style advice. Now come on, Darvesh, eat up. I’ll just go and start the car,” she said as she left the room.

“Your mum’s cool,” said Dennis. “I love her!”

“I love her too but she’s nuts!” said Darvesh with a laugh. “So are you going to come and watch the game then? Everyone will be there.”

“I don’t know…”

“I know it will be a bit weird for you, but come with us. It won’t be the same without you. We need you there, Dennis, if only to cheer us on. Please?”

“I don’t know if I should…” said Dennis.

“Please?”

17 Maudlin Street (#ulink_98128da6-40ab-5540-951d-5e4bccfafcf5)

Dennis felt sick as the referee’s whistle blew for the start of the game. Pupils, parents and teachers were all grouped excitedly around the pitch. Darvesh’s mum looked like she was going to explode with excitement. She had elbowed her way to the front of the crowd. “Come on, football!” she kept shouting with joyful anticipation.

Mr Hawtrey was next to Darvesh’s mum. He was sitting on a strange contraption that was half walking-stick and half seat. The fact that the headmaster was the only person sitting made him look very important, even if what he was sitting on looked bum-numbingly uncomfortable. Dennis pulled up the hood on his anorak so that Mr Hawtrey wouldn’t spot him.

He didn’t even go to the school anymore, and the headmaster still terrified him.

Dennis was surprised to see Lisa standing in the crowd with Mac. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I didn’t know you liked football.”

“Well it is the final,” said Lisa casually. “I just wanted to come and support like everyone else.”

“I feel a bit embarrassed now, Dennis,” said Mac tentatively. “Asking you out on a date and everything.”

“Oh, don’t worry Mac,” said Dennis. “I was flattered in a way.”

“Well, you did look very pretty as a girl,” said Mac.