The World of David Walliams: 6 Book Collection

“John, wait here a moment, will you?” said Dennis. “There’s one thing I still need to do.”

Dennis took a deep breath. “Miss?” he called out. John hung back a little.

“Oh, it’s you,” said Miss Windsor frostily. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to say I’m really sorry. I am. I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have said that you didn’t have a good French accent.”

Miss Windsor remained silent and Dennis squirmed, trying to think of something else to say.

“Because you do. You actually have a really good French accent, Miss. Mademoiselle. It sounds like you are actually a proper French person.”

“Well thank you, Dennis, or ‘merci beaucoup, Dennis’ as I would say in français,” said Miss Windsor, warming a little. “Well done on Saturday. Wonderful match. You actually looked very convincing in a dress, you know.”

“Thank you, Miss.”

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here,” said Miss Windsor. “You see, I’ve written a play…”

“Oh yes…” said Dennis with trepidation.

“It’s a play about the life of Joan of Arc, the fifteenth century French religious martyr…”

“Wow, that sounds… erm.”

“None of the girls want to play her. Anyway I thought it would be fascinating to have a boy play her, as she of course was a girl who wore boy’s clothing. Dennis, I think you would make a very memorable Joan.”

Dennis looked to his brother for help, but John just smirked.

“Well it certainly sounds… interesting…”

“Wonderful. Let’s meet up at break-time and discuss it over a pain au chocolat.”

“OK, Miss,” said Dennis, trying to hide his dread. He walked away slowly and quietly, as you might retreat from a bomb that may be about to go off.

“Oh, I should have said–the play is entirely in French. Au revoir!” she called after him.

“Au revoir,” he called back in the most un-French accent he could manage.

“Now that I can’t wait to see!” said John laughing.

As they walked off together towards the main school building, John put his arm around him. Dennis smiled.

The world felt different.

Thank yous:

I would like to thank my literary agent at Independent Talent, Paul Stevens; Moira Bellas and everyone at MBC PR; all at HarperCollins, especially my publisher Ann-Janine Murtagh and my editor Nick Lake for their belief in the project and tremendous support of me; James Annal, the cover designer; Elorine Grant, interior designer; Michelle Misra, eagle-eyed copy-editor; the other side of my brain that is Matt Lucas; my greatest fan and mum, Kathleen; and my sister Julie for dressing me up in the first place.

Most of all though, I would like to thank the great Quentin Blake, who has brought more to this book than I could have ever dared to dream.

For my mum Kathleen, the kindest personI have ever met.

Contents

Cover (#u82f31f6e-461d-596d-80e8-f6429b37281e)

Title Page (#ued9f2e50-3f31-58e0-8375-596c529e0802)

Dedication (#u713f4782-bab8-5ae3-88a4-e49d2b9b688e)

1 - Scratch ‘N’ Sniff (#u290f1ea4-20c3-52ff-b0f3-e96b582262db)

2 - Icy Silence (#uf70ba076-5a81-5312-895b-ae551ae9a820)

3 - The Wanderer (#ucc2d29ac-d5b0-5dca-b7f7-0eb6ffb48b2d)

4 - Drivel (#u4a28f551-878f-5ce9-b5a8-9e0115f0aba7)

5 - Abandon Starbucks! (#u87dfe7f0-8dd8-5b28-8b0c-d13d2cff05b8)

6 - Soap-Dodgers (#u3360c8fd-4e57-5094-ba55-8be7537001d7)

7 - A Bucket in the Corner (#u706f9695-da97-5ce1-b2cd-2e30774d71a9)

8 - Maybe It’s the Drains (#ue12a8f55-096f-5e6b-8a7a-b68750cff3ca)

9 - A Little Bit of Drool (#ud07781dc-c198-5377-88fa-bcb17a020c6f)

10 - Slightly Chewed (#ucf9a6854-a1ed-5014-aae1-f7fa6120c8e0)

11 - Hair Pulling (#ub931cb5e-11e4-5679-b86a-47d4e8600089)

12 - Pongy Pong (#u594aa40d-ba95-5550-9ea5-65a7aaeabe41)

13 - Shut your Face! (#u79c175e4-2aa1-5aba-87c5-5eeaccdf92fc)

14 - Lady and the Tramp (#ua4db2c18-2f48-5c96-8854-c7afdd8d3c63)

15 - Bath Time (#u871a89ac-4756-5cb9-9ca4-ba61b7fd9357)

16 - Rule Britannia (#ud39ae788-286b-5220-bdaf-e6fc7f58a23f)

17 - Collapsed Bouffant (#u392819c6-5799-5563-b3fe-e196d1b87ad7)

18 - Rabbit Droppings (#litres_trial_promo)

19 - Supertramp (#litres_trial_promo)

20 - Grubby Toilet Roll (#litres_trial_promo)