The World of David Walliams: 7 Book Collection

“John, wait here a moment, will you?” said Dennis. “There’s one thing I still need to do.”

Dennis took a deep breath. “Miss?” he called out. John hung back a little.

“Oh, it’s you,” said Miss Windsor frostily. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to say I’m really sorry. I am. I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have said that you didn’t have a good French accent.”

Miss Windsor remained silent and Dennis squirmed, trying to think of something else to say.

“Because you do. You actually have a really good French accent, Miss. Mademoiselle. It sounds like you are actually a proper French person.”

“Well thank you, Dennis, or ‘merci beaucoup, Dennis’ as I would say in français,” said Miss Windsor, warming a little. “Well done on Saturday. Wonderful match. You actually looked very convincing in a dress, you know.”

“Thank you, Miss.”

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here,” said Miss Windsor. “You see, I’ve written a play…”

“Oh yes…” said Dennis with trepidation.

“It’s a play about the life of Joan of Arc, the fifteenth century French religious martyr…”

“Wow, that sounds… erm.”

“None of the girls want to play her. Anyway I thought it would be fascinating to have a boy play her, as she of course was a girl who wore boy’s clothing. Dennis, I think you would make a very memorable Joan.”

Dennis looked to his brother for help, but John just smirked.

“Well it certainly sounds… interesting…”

“Wonderful. Let’s meet up at break-time and discuss it over a pain au chocolat.”

“OK, Miss,” said Dennis, trying to hide his dread. He walked away slowly and quietly, as you might retreat from a bomb that may be about to go off.

“Oh, I should have said–the play is entirely in French. Au revoir!” she called after him.

“Au revoir,” he called back in the most un-French accent he could manage.

“Now that I can’t wait to see!” said John laughing.

As they walked off together towards the main school building, John put his arm around him. Dennis smiled.

The world felt different.

Thank yous:

I would like to thank my literary agent at Independent Talent, Paul Stevens; Moira Bellas and everyone at MBC PR; all at HarperCollins, especially my publisher Ann-Janine Murtagh and my editor Nick Lake for their belief in the project and tremendous support of me; James Annal, the cover designer; Elorine Grant, interior designer; Michelle Misra, eagle-eyed copy-editor; the other side of my brain that is Matt Lucas; my greatest fan and mum, Kathleen; and my sister Julie for dressing me up in the first place.

Most of all though, I would like to thank the great Quentin Blake, who has brought more to this book than I could have ever dared to dream.

For my mum Kathleen, the kindest personI have ever met.

Contents

Cover (#u2d25603e-64c0-53d9-a7e6-11f6367d3db1)

Title Page (#u823be54f-cca8-55c7-af6e-ebd456073c6f)

Dedication (#u1b50f33d-b4fd-5174-8fd8-d5042c311670)

1 - Scratch ‘N’ Sniff (#u0fe962b8-37af-5cbe-9249-7fad5e808a67)

2 - Icy Silence (#u77e65466-67fe-5b9f-bd0e-2716ba6aa436)

3 - The Wanderer (#uf3e9c8d4-04d6-519a-8838-eef5e5f963fc)

4 - Drivel (#u093cd89c-88db-5b47-8f0a-c553c9ee2b94)

5 - Abandon Starbucks! (#u9233ca11-8244-5249-9cce-8ed0214b2049)

6 - Soap-Dodgers (#u955cf20d-f1cc-5040-bd5b-53e0d1db2a1c)

7 - A Bucket in the Corner (#u86da7d6b-5ce2-5e8e-bd1f-30292867f6e5)

8 - Maybe It’s the Drains (#u142164ac-a7d6-5eec-a41b-2c49e34c3a7f)

9 - A Little Bit of Drool (#u6b211e5c-5245-5f24-b45f-ccb3e2c3484c)

10 - Slightly Chewed (#u22276be2-c487-5b21-a68f-2d11d28ca1d5)

11 - Hair Pulling (#u0e16cfee-8ed3-5acd-a442-64244af8b14b)

12 - Pongy Pong (#ufe8e0109-78ff-529b-9ff6-8576093d3310)

13 - Shut your Face! (#u7a752d8b-adc9-50ab-8a84-6a9e0bd2f491)

14 - Lady and the Tramp (#u1d519383-408b-564b-9b40-1bd53ec7c5ec)

15 - Bath Time (#u9e750cc5-3fa8-5f6c-ab7d-9ba64e97969c)

16 - Rule Britannia (#u93715723-7cbc-5f7a-b19f-03e8fe4397bc)

17 - Collapsed Bouffant (#u6dadeae4-9799-50f6-a585-57bfc48cc7ef)

18 - Rabbit Droppings (#u6c40ac05-c3d0-572b-a219-64096a066f6c)

19 - Supertramp (#u7e8e2cdb-e525-5ff3-8a20-a29706594189)

20 - Grubby Toilet Roll (#u72e1533e-6c6a-58f8-ae74-4719a71910d6)