The World of David Walliams 5 Book Collection

Lisa James.

Only the most beautiful girl in the school.

She was super-cool too, and somehow she always made her school uniform look like it was a costume in a pop video. Even though they had never spoken Dennis had a really big crush on Lisa.

Not that anything would ever happen though–her being two years older and six inches taller made her literally out of reach.

“Hi,” Lisa said. She had a gorgeous voice, rough round the edges but soft inside.

“Oh, hi, um…” Dennis pretended not to remember her name.

“Lisa. What’s your name?”

Dennis thought for a moment about changing his name to something cooler like “Brad” or “Dirk” to try and impress her, but realised that would be insane.

“Dennis.”

“Hi, Dennis,” said Lisa. “What are you in for?”

“I headed a ball into Hawtrey’s office.”

“Cool!” said Lisa, laughing.

Dennis laughed a little too. She obviously assumed that he had headed the ball into the headmaster’s office on purpose and he wasn’t about to correct her.

“What about you?” asked Dennis.

“I wasn’t ‘wearing the correct school uniform’. This time Hawtrey said my skirt was too short.”

Dennis looked down at Lisa’s skirt. It was quite short.

“I don’t care really,” she continued. “I’d rather wear what I want and get the odd detention now and again.”

“Sorry,” interrupted Miss Windsor. “There’s not really meant to be any talking in detention.”

Miss Windsor was one of the nice teachers who didn’t really enjoy telling pupils off. She would usually say “excuse me” or “sorry” before she did. She was probably in her late forties. Miss Windsor didn’t wear a wedding ring or seem to have any kids. She liked to exude a little French sophistication, throwing colourful silk scarves over her shoulder with mock nonchalance, and devouring four-packs of croissants from the Tesco Metro at breaktime.

“Sorry, Miss Windsor,” said Lisa.

Dennis and Lisa smiled at each other. Dennis got back to his lines.

I most not header balls into the headmaster’s window.

I most not header balls into the headmaster’s window.

I most not header balls into the headmaster’s window.

He looked over at what Lisa was doing. Instead of her lines, she was idly sketching some dress designs. A ball-gown with a plunging back looked like it wouldn’t be out of place in Vogue. She turned over the page and started sketching a strapless top and pencil skirt. Next to that she drew a long flowing white suit that went in and out in all the right places. Lisa clearly had a real flair for fashion.

“Excuse me,” said Miss Windsor. “But you should really concentrate on your own work, Dennis.”

“Sorry, Miss,” said Dennis. He started his lines again.

I most not header balls into the headmaster’s window.

I most not header vogue into the headmaster’s window.

I most not read vogue into the headmaster’s…

Dennis sighed and rubbed out the last few lines. He was getting distracted.

After about forty-five minutes, Miss Windsor looked at her watch anxiously and addressed the class of two.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but would either of you mind if we finished this detention fifteen minutes early? Only I would quite like to get home in time for Neighbours. Lassiter’s coffee shop is re-opening today after the dramatic fire.”

“No problem, Miss,” said Lisa smiling. “Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone!”

“Thank you,” said Miss Windsor, confused for a moment that somehow the roles had been reversed, and it was Dennis and Lisa who were letting her off.

“Do you wanna walk me home, Dennis?” asked Lisa.

“What?” said Dennis, in a panic.

“I said, ‘do you want to walk me home?’”

“Um, yeah, OK,” said Dennis, trying to sound cool.

Dennis felt like a celebrity as he walked down the road with Lisa. He walked slowly so he could be with her for as long as possible.

“I couldn’t help noticing your drawings. Those dress designs. They’re brilliant,” said Dennis.

“Oh thanks. They were nothing really, I was just doodling.”

“And I love the way you look.”

“Thank you,” replied Lisa, trying not to laugh.

“I mean dress,” Dennis corrected himself. “Dress, I love the way you dress.”

“Thanks,” said Lisa, smiling again. She looked so unutterably gorgeous when she smiled that Dennis could barely look at her. Instead he looked down at her shoes, noticing they were round-toed.

“Beautiful shoes,” he offered.

“Well, thank you for noticing.”

“Apparently round-toed shoes are in this year. Pointy-toed are out.”

“Where did you read that?”