John Doe on Her Doorstep

“Hello.”

“Dr. Archer, this is Dr. Feldon.”

The hospital administrator. Though it was five in San Diego, that particular point was obviously no deterrent to her boss. Dani resisted the urge to groan. She wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet.

“Good morning, Dr. Feldon,” she returned, though considering the tale she’d heard from Rand and this phone call, there was nothing good about it.

“I hate to disturb you,” he said quietly, but Dani could hear the underlying tension in his voice. “I know this has been a difficult time, but I was hoping you’d reached some sort of decision by now as to when you plan to return to work.”

Dani stretched the phone cord and dropped into a chair at the kitchen table. She squeezed her eyes shut. Dr. Feldon wanted her final decision. And since he hadn’t called even once during the past two weeks, chances were he was through waiting patiently.

“I completely sympathize with your loss,” he went on, distress joining the tension in his tone, “and I don’t want to have to rush you, but the board is on my case. Your leave of absence runs out next week and I need to know if you’re coming back.”

A heavy silence settled between them. Dani could picture him sitting behind his desk, the phone clutched to his ear and the fingers of his free hand doing an annoying little drumming routine on his blotter pad. She knew he hadn’t looked forward to making this call any more than she’d looked forward to receiving it, but he had every right to know her plans.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you already, Dr. Feldon,” she told him sincerely. She should have. “But to be honest with you, I’ve been putting it off.”

“Look, Dani,” he said, dropping formality. “I know your father was the only family you had and that the two of you were very close, but life does go on. You must know that you can’t hide from it forever.” He sighed. “From what you’ve told me about your father, he wouldn’t want you to. I went out on a limb by granting this extended leave to a resident. You’re an excellent doctor and I don’t want to lose you. But I can’t put this off any longer.”

“I understand. I’ll give you my decision no later than the end of this week. Thank you for your patience, Dr. Feldon.” He had been good to her and she’d taken advantage by putting off the call he’d expected last week.

He agreed and they exchanged goodbyes. Dani moved back to the counter and hung the receiver in its cradle. A fresh wave of emptiness and loss washed over her, leaving behind a shoulder load of indecision.

She wanted to go back to her life. She really did…but she just couldn’t seem to work up the initiative. She slumped into her chair and propped her chin in her hands. Her work fulfilled her professionally. She loved the hospital at which she’d been lucky enough to be invited to do her residency. But things were different now. Nothing felt right anymore. Once she was back on the west coast, how often would she manage to get back here? Her dad had been the incentive more than the place. He was gone now. What would become of her horses? Rand and Cal would gladly exercise them, but it wasn’t the same.

She glanced at the muffins and coffee waiting for her. Her appetite had died. Just like everything else in her life. First, her mother, when she had been only ten years old, and now, her father. It just wasn’t fair. As an only child, she had no one left. Her mother had been an only child as well. Both her grandparents on her mother’s side had passed away before Dani was born. The few living relatives she had left were on her father’s side, and he’d been estranged from his family since he’d married her mother more than thirty years ago. She barely knew their names.

The bottom line was, she was alone. She’d never felt that way before…not once. Though her father’d had a demanding position with the government, he’d always managed to be there for her. He’d seen that she was educated in the best private schools near his work so that they could be together as much as possible, and her nanny had proven more second mother than hired help. She’d died, too, shortly after Dani’s graduation from medical school.

She looked around the big old country-style kitchen and exhaled a weary sound. This place was all she had left of the life she’d shared with her father. They’d spent every holiday and vacation here since she was twelve. He’d bought the mini horse ranch for the sole purpose of nudging her back into riding. Oh, he’d said that it would be his retirement home, and it had been, but Dani knew the real reason he’d bought the place. She’d given up riding after her mother’s death. Horses had been Lorna Archer’s passion. She’d ridden like the wind and Dani had loved riding with her. Riding had been their special time.

After her mother’s accident, Dani had thought she might never ride again. But her father and this place had helped her put that hurt behind her. They’d both come to love the twenty acres nestled against the foothills of Virginia mountains and miles away from the nearest signs of civilization.

After his retirement just six months ago, her father had sold his Georgetown apartment and moved here permanently. The plan was he’d be here full time and she’d take every possible long weekend and all of her vacation time to be with him. To escape the hectic pace of city life. To get back into riding again. For her last birthday he’d bought her two new horses. The gelding she’d loved as a teenager had had to be put down last year. She’d been devastated and swore she would never own another. She didn’t have time for riding anyway, she’d rationalized. But when her father had introduced her to the beautiful animals, she’d fallen in love instantly. Life was right again.

Then her father had died. She closed her eyes and tried to force away the horrible memories. A freak accident, they’d called it. He’d fallen off the barn where he’d been nailing down a piece of loose metal roofing and broken his neck. She couldn’t imagine what had possessed him to attempt the work himself. In the past, he’d always called a local handyman. But not this time. And now she was alone. Who would help her put this hurt behind her?

There was no one.

“Enough, Archer,” she scolded as she got to her feet. She had a decision to make. And chores to do.

That was the good thing about running a ranch on her own, even a small one. There was always plenty she had to do. Cal and Rand had offered time and again to give her a hand, but she preferred doing the work herself. It gave her a sense of purpose.

Not to mention that it occupied her mind.

She shut off the coffeepot and poured the steaming brew down the drain. The muffins she stored in the bread keeper in case she got hungry later. She rinsed the white porcelain sink and dried her hands. There was no point in rehashing what might have been. As much as she’d love to, she couldn’t bring her father back.

Returning to her job in California was the right thing to do. It was what her father would want her to do. The training she would receive at such a renowned learning hospital was priceless. Then she could settle back here and take Doc’s place when he retired, if she still wanted to when the time came. Her father and Doc, the small community’s only physician, had plotted that career choice for her years ago. They’d teased her that no one else would ever be good enough to replace Doc but her.

She wasn’t sure she could do that now. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Whatever she decided to do, a few years at Mercy General would be a tremendous boost to her skill level. Mercy was known far and wide for its cutting-edge technology and for pushing the envelope where research and patient care were concerned. Whether she was a small-town doctor or worked in a larger hospital, she wanted to be the best she could be.

Besides, this wasn’t the kind of opportunity one walked away from. She recognized that fact, even if she hadn’t wanted to think about leaving the home she and her father loved so much. He would want her to get on with her life. It was time.

“Past time,” she told herself firmly.

She should just call Dr. Feldon back and tell him she would return to work a week from Monday. He would be relieved and so would she. No point in prolonging the inevitable. Ten days was plenty of time to finish her business here and close up the house. Cal and Rand would take care of the horses. All she had to do was firm up the deal. Doc, Cal and Rand would drop by and check on the place regularly. There was no reason for her to stay. No reason at all.

Except that she felt close to her father here. And his death just didn’t sit right with her. No matter that two weeks had passed, she still felt disconnected…unsettled. Maybe that feeling would never go away as long as she was here. Maybe that was the whole problem. Dani paused in the entry hall and studied the collage of framed photographs lovingly placed on the table there. Tears welled in her eyes as her gaze moved from one precious memory to the other. She might never be whole again until she put all this behind her.

Putting off the inevitable even one more day would be irresponsible. Her father was gone and she missed him terribly. But, Dr. Feldon was right. Life does go on.

It was time for her to join the living again.

She could start by making that call.

THE TELEPHONE RANG. He didn’t want to answer. He knew who it would be. But he had to. Otherwise he might just end up dead, too.

“Hello,” he said trying hard to hide his fear.

“Tell me you’ve found it,” the voice on the other end of the line snapped.

“I’ve looked everywhere. I can’t—”

“I don’t want to hear excuses! Didn’t you read your paper yesterday? Thurlo is dead. How long do you think it’ll be before they send someone for one of us?”

He scrubbed a shaky hand over his face. He’d read the paper all right. “I’m doing my best—”

“That isn’t good enough.” The accusation was a savage growl. “You find that file or we’re both dead. You don’t make deals like this and then drag your feet. They won’t wait much longer.”

They. If Center didn’t kill him, they probably would.

“I’ll find it.” It was all he could think to say. It was what he had to do. He didn’t need reminding.

“Call me the instant you find it.”

“I will.”

“And don’t forget, I want all loose ends tied up. She is your problem. Do what you have to.”

“I understand.”

He hung up the phone and closed his eyes. Dear God, what had he done? His eyes opened and he squared his shoulders as reality seared through him. He’d done what he had to.

He swallowed back the vile taste of self-loathing.

And he’d do it again.