New Year Heroes: The Sheriff's Secretary / Veiled Intentions / Juror No. 7

She scrambled at the dirt, unmindful of the flowers she destroyed in her efforts. Flowers could be replaced, but Billy couldn’t. Jenny couldn’t.

A clawing, frantic desperation built inside her as she dug in the hard dirt with her fingers. She ignored Lucas, who stood just behind her. He wasn’t digging, and she knew it was because he didn’t believe anything was here. But she had to believe.

“Mariah, there’s nothing here.” Lucas’s voice was flat, without emotion.

She ignored him, moving to a new place in the flower bed. Her fingers hurt from the contact with the hard earth, but she ignored the pain, scrabbling against the ground, uprooting flowers as her breaths came in frantic gasps. She felt half-demented with her need.

“Mariah, you need to stop.” Lucas’s voice seemed to come from very far away.

“No. Something’s here. I know it is.” She continued to dig, tears starting to blur her vision. She needed to find it. The clue. The caller had said there was a clue.

“Mariah.” Lucas grabbed one of her arms. She jerked away from him, moving to yet another area and continuing her search. Tears became sobs as she dug.

Lucas grabbed her once again, this time more forcefully. “Mariah, dammit, stop. You have to stop! There’s nothing here. He’s yanking our chain.”

As Lucas pulled her to her feet she fought him, slamming her fists into his chest as deep, wrenching sobs exploded from her.

“Let me go,” she cried, mindless with anger, with a new kind of grief. “I have to find it.”

“There’s nothing here to find,” he exclaimed, and he pulled her tight against him, holding her so she couldn’t move, couldn’t escape.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew he was right, that there was nothing to find, no clue that would magically lead to Billy. She quit fighting him and instead leaned weakly against him, sobbing as she broke completely.

He held her tight, rubbing her back as she clung to him. “Shh, I know,” he whispered.

She cried harder, tears that had been trapped deep inside her since the first night of the disappearance.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Let it out. Just let it all out.”

Her tears weren’t just for herself and her son, but also for him and his sister. And she knew he understood better than anyone the utter despair she felt. Surely he felt the same bitter disappointment that she did. They were no closer to finding Jenny than they were to finding Billy.

They stood in the embrace for a long time as slowly, painfully, Mariah cried herself out. When her tears were finally gone, there was nothing left inside her.

She was depleted … of emotion, of life. First the interview with Remy and now this, all for nothing. She was completely empty, numb.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Lucas said gently.

Home, she thought. That place wasn’t a home. Not with Billy gone.

He led her to his car, and she slid into the passenger seat. She’d never felt so numb, as if she were dead. She closed her eyes and only opened them again when the car stopped in her driveway.

She stared at the house that she’d thought would be the place she and Billy would find happiness. They were finally free of Frank, and she’d been filled with such hope when she’d rented the house.

She’d hoped that Conja Creek would be the place where she could work a decent job and raise Billy with the kind of stability and joy that had been missing in the first years of his life.

She’d believed the biggest threat in her life was Frank, and when she’d finally escaped his grasp she thought it would be smooth sailing. She’d been a fool to expect happiness. She’d been a fool to believe that such a state of being was even possible for her.

“Come on,” Lucas said, pulling her from her thoughts. “You need a hot shower, and we need to do something about your hands.”

She looked at her hands, surprised to see that her knuckles were cut and bloody and her nails were chipped and torn.

Wearily she got out of the car, the numbness slowly passing as a chill took over. Lucas wrapped an arm around her shoulder as they entered the house, and by the time he led her to the bathroom she was trembling uncontrollably.

He started the water in the shower and laid out a clean towel for her. “After you get out, we’ll attend to those hands.” He stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

She slowly undressed and got beneath the hot spray of water, leaning weakly against the wall. She’d never felt so empty inside, as if everything that made her a living, breathing person had been drained away.

It scared her, the utter void. Even during the worst of times with Frank she’d never felt this way. Billy, her heart cried. Where are you?

She got out of the shower and dried off. She pulled a brush through her hair, then put on the white terry-cloth robe she retrieved from the hook on the back of the bathroom door.

Throwing her dirty clothes into her hamper, she felt lost. When she opened the bathroom door, she saw Lucas leaning against the wall in the hall and she knew in that instant what she needed, what she wanted. She needed some temporary insanity and she knew exactly who could give it to her.

LUCAS SIGHED IN RELIEF as she stepped out of the bathroom. She’d scared him. As she’d frantically dug in the flower bed, she’d been like a demented woman, and he was afraid she’d snapped.

But wrapped in a white robe, smelling like minty soap and with her hair damp, she appeared to be back in control. The crazy, zealous light in her eyes was gone.

“Better?” he asked.

To his surprise she stepped up directly in front of him, so close he could feel her soft breath on his face. “No, I’m not better.” Her blue eyes shimmered as she gazed up at him. “I’m cold inside and empty and I need you to make me warm. I need you to make me feel alive again.” She wrapped her arms around his neck.

He stiffened and kept his hands at his sides, fighting the impulse to wrap her in his arms and pull her tightly, intimately against him. “Mariah, you’re in a bad place right now. We don’t want to do anything we’ll regret later.”

She pressed closer to him, and the first stir of desire didn’t just simmer inside him, it crashed through him.

“No regrets,” she replied. “I need you, Lucas. I need you to take me in your arms and make love to me. I need to make myself forget everything for just a little while.” Her voice trembled slightly.

“Mariah, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he replied. He held himself rigid and tried not to think about her naked beneath the robe.

“You aren’t. I’m taking advantage of you.” She rose up on tiptoe and placed her lips against the underside of his jaw.

Lucas closed his eyes, fighting to be strong. But her lips were hot and sensual against his neck, and as she moved her hips against his the control he’d fought to maintain the last couple of days snapped.

He took her mouth with his, losing himself in the hunger for her and the momentary respite from the horror that had become her life and his own.

The kiss lasted only a moment, then she broke it, took his hand and led him down the hall to her bedroom. There was no hesitation in her step, and her hand held tight to his, as if she was afraid he might try to break away and run.

When they reached her bedroom, she dropped his hand and began to unbutton his shirt. As she worked the buttons, he unfastened his holster, took it off and set it on the nightstand.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was crazy, that there was no way making love to Mariah would make anything better, easier. It would probably make things worse. When this was all over she’d probably hate herself. But at the moment her need radiated from her and he also couldn’t deny that he wanted her.

When his shirt was unbuttoned, she ripped it from his shoulders and tossed it to the floor, then she walked over to the bed, pulled down the scarlet spread and shrugged out of her robe. She stood before him naked.

His breath caught in his throat. With the sunshine streaming through the window, painting her skin in gold tones, she was achingly beautiful. As he fumbled to get out of his slacks, she slid into bed beneath the sheets.

Crazy. He knew they both had gone stark-raving crazy, but he gave in to it, refusing to allow doubts any room in his head. He placed his wallet on the nightstand, then, as naked as she, he got into the bed and pulled her into his arms.

There was a frantic desperation in the kiss they shared, and her naked skin against his drove him half-mad with desire. She was warm and sweetly scented and it had been a very long time since he’d been with a woman. Work and Jenny had kept him busy, and it had been over a year since he’d taken time for even a superficial personal relationship.