Mortal Coil

“But you can try.”

“There’s no point.”

“Caelan, there’s something wrong with me, do you understand? There’s something wrong with who I am and Dusk knew straight away, from one tiny bite. You might not have his experience, but I need you to try.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking. It’s far too dangerous.”

“I’m used to dangerous.”

“For me, Valkyrie. It’s too dangerous for me. I don’t know how Dusk managed to deny himself, but I’m not that strong. If I bite you, I won’t stop feeding until you’re dead.”

“Then don’t bite me. I’ll cut my finger – you can taste a drop.”

“Would you please remember who you’re talking to? I’m a vampire! There’s a reason I’m classed as a monster! You really think that letting me taste a drop of your blood is a good idea? Really? You think that won’t drive me insane? One drop and I’d need the rest. I’d need all of it.”

“You’ve still got a mind. You don’t lose the ability to think, do you? You’re not an animal.”

“That’s precisely what I am. You look at me while the sun is shining, and you think this is me. This is Caelan. You think the vampire is the thing that comes out at night, then goes away in the morning and Caelan comes back. You don’t understand yet that the vampire is Caelan.

“This face is a mask. This skin is a disguise. Beneath it is the real me, Valkyrie. I’m not a tortured soul. I’m not a brooding romantic figure. I’m a monster, and not a moment goes by when I don’t want to rip your throat out. No other vampire on the planet wants anything to do with me, and I really don’t want to be cornered by the Skeleton Detective and his vengeance-hungry friends after I’m done feeding on your corpse. I quite like immortality. You get very used to it after a while.”

Valkyrie looked at him, but didn’t speak, and the anger slowly left him, until they were just two people, standing there in silence.

“You know,” she said at last, “that’s the most words I’ve ever heard you speak.”

Caelan nodded. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

“You feeling OK?”

“Vocal cords are a little sore.”

“You might want to sit down.”

He smiled, and she smiled back.

“I need you to do this.”

His smile vanished. “I’m telling you, no.”

“Listen to me, OK? I’m working on something, something to help me, something that could hopefully solve all my problems. But the thing is, it’s dangerous. And I mean really dangerous. I might not live through it. And I can’t tell Skulduggery or Tanith or Fletcher because they’ll try to stop me.”

“But you can tell me because you think I won’t try to stop you?”

“No, I’m not telling you either. But before I do this, I have to know if this is the right thing to do. I need to know what Dusk saw, or what he felt, or what he sensed. If it’s as bad as I think it is, then I’ll go through with this dangerous thing because it’ll be my only option. If it isn’t as bad as I think, I won’t. Simple as that.”

Caelan turned away, and didn’t speak for a long time.

“Fine,” he said at last. “But afterwards, it would probably be best if we never saw each other again.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps.”

“But that’s stupid. Why should we never see each other?”

“You say that like you’d miss me.”

“Of course I’d miss you. You’re my friend.”

“No, I’m not.”

She frowned. “You’re not?”

“You and me could never just be friends, Valkyrie. We were fated to either be nothing to each other, or everything.”

She stared at him, struggling to make sense of what he was saying. “Uh …”

“Eloquent as usual.”

“I mean … Caelan, I’m with Fletcher. And I like Fletcher, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I … I don’t know how I feel about you. This is a bit of a surprise to me, to be honest.”

“You truly didn’t know how I felt?”

“I really and truly didn’t. I’m sorry if you think I did.”

“I see.”

She looked at him as he stepped back. “And now I feel awful.”

“Don’t,” said Caelan.

“I can’t help it. Do you … I hope you don’t think I was leading you on, or anything.”

He shook his head, but kept his eyes down. “Of course not. This is my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault, Caelan. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just, you know, I’m with Fletcher, and I never really thought about … the possibility of you.”

“Because I’m a vampire,” he said softly, like he was cursing his very soul.

“That’s part of it,” admitted Valkyrie. “But most of all it’s because I’m sixteen and you’re, like, a hundred.”

“Ah,” he said, cracking a smile. “I’m too old for you.”

“Ever so slightly.”

“And there is no part of you that wonders what it would be like?”

She swallowed. “I didn’t … I didn’t say that …”