Bedlam

Valkyrie smiled. “‘Tall, dead and handsome’. That’s good.”

“Isn’t it? I thought of it when I was peeing.”

“You’re very clever.”

“I am a teacher.”

They walked on, looking for somewhere that sold muffins.

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Temper Fray left his sword and his City Guard uniform in his locker and dressed in civilian clothes for the meeting. He slipped his badge into his back pocket and his gun into the holster beneath his jacket. If there was one good thing about winter, it gave cops like him a good excuse to wear bulky coats.

He took the tram across the city. He liked the tram. It was smooth, efficient and good for the environment. Just like him.

He grinned to himself. That was funny.

The store where he’d arranged to meet the guy was called The Cabinet ofCuriosities. If it had existed in any mortal city around the world, it would have been one of those weird little shops that attracted only the most discerning customer, those with dark sensibilities pursuing arcane delights.

But, because it was in Roarhaven, it was just another store that sold magical junk.

Temper nodded to the guy behind the counter and walked to the back, where an over-the-hill surfer type with shaggy hair was trying on lacquered masks over his sunglasses. When he saw Temper coming, he tried to stuff the masks on to a nearby shelf. One of them fell, hit the floor and broke into two pieces.

“Awwwwwww,” the surfer said.

“Adam Brate?” Temper asked.

“Yeah,” Brate said, eyes still on the broken pieces. “Aw, man.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Temper said quickly. “I’ll pay for the damage.”

“That’s a Necromancer ceremonial mask,” Brate responded. “It’s worth more than my house.”

“In that case, let’s talk over here,” Temper said, and led the way to the far corner. “You know who I am.”

“Yeah, dude, I know who you are. Of course I do. I mean, I got in touch with you, didn’t I? You’re the traitor.”

Temper let that one slide. “I guess I am.”

“That’s, uh, that’s why I called. I figured you’d understand the, well, the implications of what I have to tell you.”

“Sounds ominous.”

“Oh, it is,” said Brate. “I mean, I think it is. I don’t have the full story, and you’ll certainly know more about this than I do, but … but I had to tell someone. For years, I’ve been … I mean, I have been devout, you know? My family have worshipped the Faceless Ones, we’ve gone to church, we’ve done the prayers, the offerings, read the Book of Tears …”

“I’ve got some friends coming,” Temper said. “They’ll want to hear this, too.”

Brate frowned. “What friends?”

“Trusted friends. Don’t worry, you’re quite safe with them.”

“I don’t know, man. I find it very hard to trust people. I’m a naturally paranoid person, you know?” He spun suddenly. “What the hell is that?”

“That’s a wall, Adam.”

“Oh,” said Brate, calming down. “Sorry. I’ve also taken a buttload of drugs over my lifetime? So I kinda see things that aren’t really there?”

“Good to know. Ah, here are my friends now.”

Brate turned as Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked in.

“That’s … that’s Skulduggery Pleasant.”

“Yes,” said Temper.

“That’s Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain.”

“It is.”

“Oh, I don’t know about this,” said Brate. “I don’t know. I mean, these guys … Trouble follows these guys around, you know? I don’t wanna get killed, man.”

“You won’t.”

They came over, and Temper nodded to them. “Skulduggery, Valkyrie, this is the gentleman I asked you here to meet.”

Brate stuck out his hand. Skulduggery shook it. “Dude. Adam Brate’s my name. I know who you are, of course, and I’ve waited a long time for this moment.”

Skulduggery tilted his head. “Is that so?”

“You have no idea, man. No idea at all. I just need someone to take me seriously, you know? Someone to believe me. I’ve been warning people about this for years, but no one has listened. Now, after all this time, I have the three of you.” He switched his attention to Valkyrie, shook her hand vigorously. “I feel like I know you already, I really do. Oh, hey, I apologise for wearing the sunglasses, you know? Not making eye contact? See, I’m in disguise. I think it’s safer for me if you don’t know who I am.”

Valkyrie frowned. “But you just told us your name.”

Brate stopped shaking her hand. “Aw, hell.”

“Adam has some important information to share,” Temper said quickly. “That’s what you told me, right, Adam? Why don’t we get down to business?”

“Yeah, man,” said Brate, “OK. Well. I’m … I was telling Temper here that I am, or I was, up until recently, a devout member of the Church of the Faceless. My family, back in California, were fanatical, and that’s how I was raised. I kinda drifted away in my adult years, but a few years ago the True Teachings were introduced, and I came back.”

Valkyrie frowned. “The True Teachings?”

“Peace and love,” said Brate. “The idea that the Faceless Ones were bringers of warmth and harmony instead of, you know, oppression and death.”

“Ah,” said Valkyrie. “You’re talking about the Great Pivot.”

“Am I?”

“It’s what we call it,” Skulduggery said. “The Church needed to soften its philosophies in order to be allowed to practise, and suddenly they were all about sweetness and light.”