Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 7 - 9

“I don’t warrant it?”

“Only those who accept the Faceless Ones as the true masters of their souls warrant a kind word from me.”

She walked slowly so that she was standing directly in front of him. “And how do you know I’m not a fan of the Dark Gods?” she asked.

“Your apparel, for one thing.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?”

“What’s wrong is that you are barely dressed. True believers pride modesty and humility above all other attributes save obedience. We do not try to overshadow or outshine our lords and masters by wearing tight or revealing clothing.”

Tanith looked down at herself. “Are you saying I’d make the Faceless Ones feel inadequate?”

He glared. “You are unclean.”

“But I showered before I came here.”

“You are tarnished by vanity.”

“I’m tarnished by a lot more than that.”

“Cover yourself up, repent for all the harm you’ve done, do penance and accept the Faceless Ones as your lords and masters. Maybe then your soul will not be burned upon their return.”

“Covering up, repenting, doing penance... I’m sorry, but your church really doesn’t sound like it’s my kind of thing. I’m not here with your food, Chris. It has been brought to my attention that you know where a certain dagger is. I need to know what you know, Chris.”

“Who are you?” he said, frowning.

“According to you, I’m a sinner.”

“You work with the Sanctuary?”

“With them? I don’t know if I’d say with them. With them makes it sound like they know I’m here. I’d say more alongside them. Or possibly against them. Yeah, actually, I work against them. Kinda like you, except obviously in a more successful fashion.”

“What do you want?”

“I told you. The dagger.”

“I don’t know what dagger you—”

“Pish posh, Christophe. Of course you know what dagger I’m talking about. The only dagger worth talking about. You know who has it. That’s information I need.”

“Get me out of here and I’ll tell you.”

“You tell me, and I’ll get you out of here.”

“Once you have the information, what’s to stop you from leaving me in this cell?”

Her eyes widened, all innocence. “My word is my bond.”

“I’ll tell you once I’m free.”

“But what if you’re killed while we make our escape? Then after the weeks of crying and wailing and mourning your death, and thinking of what might have been between us – because there’s a connection here and you can’t deny it – then I’ll be left with nothing, not even the location of the dagger. Do you see my dilemma, my sweet pumpkin? Please spare me the heartache and tell me now.”

“You mock me.”

“Only because I care. Oh, Christophe, our moment is now. You and me, baby. Once I get you out of here, my boyfriend will be there, and of course Eliza will be waiting, and she’s so pretty, and I can’t stand the thought of you leaving me for—”

“You’re working with Eliza Scorn?”

“But of course.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that? Take me to her, damn you. Why waste time with this ridiculousness?”

“Because you’re the one paying me to rescue you, Christophe. You’re paying me with the location of the dagger I want, and I always get paid before a job. Not after.”

Nocturnal grabbed his coat, put it on. “You could have said that when you came in,” he snarled. “The dagger is in the possession of Johann Starke.”

“Starke... One of the Elders in the German Sanctuary?”

“Yes, him. Can we go now?”

“Thank you so much, Christophe. You’ve been a great help.”

“Take me out of here.”

“No. I’ll be killing you now.”

He froze. “What?”

“I’m afraid Eliza doesn’t want you rescued. All your friends, back in your church? You know those people who really wouldn’t approve of me, or my clothes, or how I wear my clothes? Remember those good and decent people? Yeah, they want you dead.”

“You’re lying.”

Tanith drew her sword. “They’re worried you might start talking, maybe mention a few names.”

Nocturnal backed away. He’d gone quite pale. “I haven’t said a word. I haven’t said anything!”

“But your modest and humble friends can’t take that chance. They’ve decided it would be best for everyone, apart from maybe yourself, if you were to be killed.”

“No, no. I can get you the dagger.”

“I’ll take care of that.”

He dropped to his knees. “Please...”

“Don’t beg. It cheapens the moment.”

“Have mercy.”