Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 3

“They have Skulduggery,” Stephanie said, interrupting him.

“What?”

“Serpine has him. Last night, he came in with his paper men and they attacked him and took him away with them. We need to tell the Elders.”

Ghastly tried a smile to see if she’d return it, to see if she’d admit her joke. Stephanie didn’t smile back.

“You don’t know if I should be involved in any of this,” she said. “That’s fine. That’s your opinion and that’s fine. But let’s forget about opinion. Let’s look at facts. Serpine has Skulduggery. He’s broken the Truce. He believes the Sceptre is real and he has proved that he’s willing to kill to get to it. He has to be stopped and I need your help to stop him.”

“You saw this? You actually saw Serpine do this?”

“I was there.”

He looked at her and nodded. “Then I suppose it’s a very good thing you decided to stick around.”

Ghastly brought his car around and Stephanie told him exactly what had happened as they sped through the streets to the Sanctuary. The windows were heavily tinted, but even so he had a scarf wrapped around his face and a hat pulled low over his eyes.

The Waxworks Museum hadn’t opened yet so they let themselves in the back and hurried through the darkness. Ghastly searched the darkened wall for the switch, found it and the wall parted. Stephanie was the first to reach the bottom of the stairs, and she strode into the Sanctuary. The Administrator hurried up to her, frowning.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “you do not have an appointment.”

“We’re here to see Meritorious.”

“The Elders cannot be disturbed,” the Administrator insisted. “I must ask you to leave at once.”

“It’s an emergency,” Ghastly said as he joined her, but the Administrator still shook his head.

“All requests to visit the Elders must go through the proper channels,” he said, but Stephanie had heard enough. She barged past him, heading for the corridor. Suddenly there was a flash of grey and a Cleaver was before her, holding the blade of his scythe to her throat.

Stephanie froze. There was movement all around her, sound all around her, and the only still things in her world were herself and the Cleaver. She could hear Ghastly threatening the Administrator, threatening the Cleavers, and the Administrator protesting and insisting they leave. Ghastly’s voice was rising, becoming angry, telling the Cleaver to lower the weapon, but the Cleaver was still and silent, a statue. Stephanie could see her burnished reflection in his visor. She didn’t dare move.

Before the situation could spiral out of control, before Stephanie’s head became separated from her body, the Administrator gave in and agreed to ask Meritorious if he would receive visitors.

At a nod, the Cleaver stepped back and swung the scythe down by his side and behind him, making the mere sheathing of the weapon into an art form.

Stephanie backed off, moving slowly, but the Cleaver had gone back to his post like nothing had happened.

They stayed in the foyer while the Administrator hurried off, and presently they heard footsteps approaching. Eachan Meritorious entered and looked mildly surprised when he laid eyes on Ghastly.

“Mr Bespoke,” he said, coming forward. “Will wonders never cease?”

“Grand Mage,” Ghastly said as they shook hands. “You’ve already met Valkyrie Cain, I think.”

“So you chose a name after all,” Meritorious said with a slightly disapproving look. “I hope your Mr Pleasant knows what he’s doing.”

“Skulduggery’s been captured,” Stephanie blurted out. “Serpine has him.”

“Not this again.”

“It’s true,” Ghastly said.

Meritorious peered at him. “You saw it yourself?”

“Well,” Ghastly said, hesitating, “no, but—”

Meritorious waved his hand. “Skulduggery Pleasant is an excellent detective, and we value his help and his expertise on many difficult cases. But when it comes to Nefarian Serpine, he does not have his usual detached perspective.”

“Serpine has captured him!” Stephanie insisted.

“My dear, I like you. And I can see why Skulduggery likes you. You are a frighteningly upfront person and this is a quality to be admired. However, you are new to our culture and our ways, and you have heard a decidedly skewed version of our history. Serpine is not the villain he once was.”

“I was there,” Stephanie said, struggling to remain calm. “Serpine came with his paper creatures and they took him.”

This made Meritorious pause. “Paper creatures?”

“Well, it looked like they were made out of paper.”

He nodded slowly. “Hollow Men. Minions of Serpine. Terrible things, bloated by stink and evil.”

“Now do you believe me? We need to get him back.”

“Grand Mage,” Ghastly said, “my friend is in danger. I know you don’t want it to be true, but the Truce has been broken. Serpine and the sorcerers allied with him will waste no time in seizing power. The Elders must act now.”

“On what authority?” Meritorious asked. “On the word of a girl I barely know?”

“I’m not lying,” said Stephanie.

“But you may be mistaken.”

“I’m not. Serpine wants the Sceptre and he thinks Skulduggery can get it for him.”

“The Sceptre is a fairy tale—”

“The Sceptre is real,” Stephanie said, cutting him off. “It’s real enough that Serpine is after it, and he killed the two men you had spying on him so that you wouldn’t find out about it until it was too late.”

Meritorious hesitated for a moment. “Miss Cain, if you’re wrong, and we move against Serpine now, then we are starting a war we are not ready for.”

“I’m sorry,” Stephanie said, seeing the trepidation in the Elder’s eyes and speaking softly now. “But the war has already started.”

The paper clip lay on the tabletop and didn’t move. Stephanie focused, flexed her fingers and then thrust her palm towards it, trying to genuinely believe that thin air was nothing more than interlocking objects. The paper clip still didn’t move. She nudged it, just to make sure it wasn’t stuck or anything. Ghastly entered the room.

“We’re ready to go,” he said. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Very sure.” She put the paper clip in her pocket and nodded to the door behind him. “Is there an army out there?”

“Uh, not quite.”

“How many?”