Diana Palmer Christmas Collection: The Rancher / Christmas Cowboy / A Man of Means / True Blue / Carrera's Bride / Will of Steel / Winter Roses

He traced the artery in her throat down to her collarbone. “My dreams were a bit more erotic.” His eyes darkened. “I had you in ways and places you can’t imagine, each more heated than the one before. I couldn’t wait to go to bed, so that I could have you again.”

She blushed. “At first, you mean, just after I left.”

His hand smoothed onto her throat. “For eight years. Every night of my life.”

She caught her breath. She could hardly get it at all. His eyes were glittering with feeling. “All that time?”

He nodded. He looked at her soft throat where the blouse had parted, and his face hardened. His fingers trailed lightly down onto her bodice, onto her breast. “I haven’t touched a woman since you left Jacobsville,” he said huskily. “I haven’t been a man since then.”

Her wide eyes filled with tears. She had a good idea of what it would be like for a man like Corrigan to be incapable with a woman. “Was it because we fought, at the last?”

“It was because we made love,” he whispered. “Have you forgotten what we did?”

She averted her eyes, hiding them in embarrassment.

“You left a virgin,” he said quietly, “but only technically. We had each other in your bed,” he reminded her, “naked in each other’s arms. We did everything except go those last few aching inches. Your body was almost open to me, I was against you, we were moving together…and you cried out when you felt me there. You squirmed out from under me and ran.”

“I was so afraid,” she whispered shamefully. “It hurt, and I kept remembering what I’d been told…”

“It wouldn’t have hurt for long,” he said gently. “And it wouldn’t have been traumatic, not for you. But you didn’t know that, and I was too excited to coax you. I lost my temper instead of reassuring you. And we spent so many years apart, suffering for it.”

She laid her hot cheek against his chest and closed her eyes. “I didn’t want to remember how far we went,” she said through a mist. “I hurt you terribly when I drew back…”

“Not that much,” he said. “We’d made love in so many ways already that I wasn’t that hungry.” He smoothed her soft hair. “I wanted an excuse to make you leave.”

“Why?”

His lips touched her hair. “Because I wanted to make you pregnant,” he whispered, feeling her body jump as he said it. “And it scared me to death. You see, modern women don’t want babies, because they’re a trap. My mother taught me that.”

Chapter Six (#ulink_432fcc27-27e6-5710-9876-ad0a8391f5c3)

“That’s not true!” She pressed closer. “I would have loved having a baby, and I’d never have felt trapped!” she said, her voice husky with feeling. Especially your baby, she added silently. “I didn’t know any of your background, especially anything about your mother. You never told me.”

His chest rose and fell abruptly. “I couldn’t. You scared me to death. Maybe I deliberately upset you, to make you run. But when I got what I thought I wanted, I didn’t want it. It hurt when you wouldn’t even look at me, at the bus stop. I guess I’d shamed you so badly that you couldn’t.” He sighed. “I thought you were modern, that we’d enjoy each other and that would be the end of it. I got the shock of my life that last night. I couldn’t even deal with it. I lost my head.”

She lifted her face and looked into his eyes. “You were honest about it. You’d already said that you wanted no part of marriage or a family, that all you could offer me was a night in your arms with no strings attached. But I couldn’t manage to stop, or stop you, until the very last. I was raised to think of sleeping around as a sin.”

His face contorted. He averted his eyes to keep her from seeing the pain in them. “I didn’t know that until it was much too late. Sometimes, you don’t realize how much things mean to you until you lose them.”

His fingers moved gently in her hair while she stood quietly, breathing uneasily. “It wasn’t just our mother who soured us on women. Simon was married,” he said after a minute. “He was the only one of us who ever was. His wife got pregnant the first time they were together, but she didn’t want a child. She didn’t really want Simon, she just wanted to be rich. He was crazy about her.” He sighed painfully. “She had an abortion and he found out later, accidentally. They had a fight on the way home from one of her incessant parties. He wrecked the car, she died and he lost an arm. That’s why he doesn’t live on the ranch. He can’t do the things he used to do. He’s embittered and he’s withdrawn from the rest of us.” He laughed a little. “You think the four of us hate women. You should see Simon.”

She stirred in his arms. “Poor man. He must have loved her very much.”

“Too much. That’s another common problem we seem to have. We love irrationally and obsessively.”

“And reluctantly,” she guessed.

He laughed. “And that.”

He let her go with a long sigh and stared down at her warmly. “I suppose I’d better take you home. If you’re still here when the boys get back, they’ll tie you to the stove.”

She smiled. “I like your brothers.” She hesitated. “Corrigan, they aren’t really going to try to force you to marry me, are they?”

“Of course not,” he scoffed. “They’re only teasing.”

“Okay.”

It was a good thing, he thought, that she couldn’t see his fingers crossed behind his back.

He took her home, pausing to kiss her gently at the front door.

“I’ll be along tomorrow night,” he said softly. “We’ll go to a movie. There’s a new one every Saturday night at the Roxy downtown.”

She searched his eyes and tried to decide if he was doing this because he wanted to or because his brothers were pestering him.

He smiled. “Don’t worry so much. You’re home, it’s going to be Christmas, you have a job and plenty of friends. It’s going to be the best Christmas you’ve ever had.”

She smiled back. “Maybe it will be,” she said, catching some of his own excitement. Her gaze caressed his face. They were much more like friends, with all the dark secrets out in the open. But his kisses had made her too hungry for him. She needed time to get her emotions under control. Perhaps a day would do it. He was throwing out broad hints of some sort, but he hadn’t spoken one word of love. In that respect, nothing had changed.

“Good night, then,” he said.

“Good night.”

She closed the door and turned on the lights. It had been a strange and wonderful day. Somehow, the future looked unusually bright, despite all her worries.

The next morning, Dorie had to go into town to Clarisse’s shop to help her with the bookkeeping. It was unfortunate that when she walked in, a beautiful woman in designer clothes should be standing at the counter, discussing Corrigan.

“It’s going to be the most glorious Christmas ever!” she was telling the other woman, pushing back her red-gold hair and laughing. “Corrigan is taking me to the Christmas party at the Coltrains’ house, and afterward we’re going to Christmas Eve services at the Methodist Church.” She sighed. “I’m glad to be home. You know, there’s been some talk about Corrigan and a woman from his past who just came back recently. I asked him about it, if he was serious about her.” She laughed gaily. “He said that he was just buttering her up so that she’d do some bookkeeping for him and the brothers, that she’d run out on him once and he didn’t have any intention of letting her get close enough to do it again. I told him that I could find it in my heart to feel sorry for her, and he said that he didn’t feel sorry for her at all, that he had plans for her…”

Clarisse spotted Dorie and caught her breath. “Why, Dorothy, I wasn’t expecting you…quite so soon!”

“I thought I’d say hello,” Dorie said, frozen in the doorway. She managed a pasty smile. “I’ll come back Monday. Have a nice weekend.”

“Who was that?” she heard the other woman say as she went quickly back out the door and down the street to where she’d parked the car Turkey Sanders had returned early in the morning, very nicely fixed.

She got behind the wheel, her fingers turning white as she gripped it. She could barely see for the tears. She started the engine with shaking fingers and backed out into the street. She heard someone call to her and saw the redhead standing on the sidewalk, with an odd expression on her face, trying to get Dorie’s attention.

She didn’t look again. She put the car into gear and sped out of town.

She didn’t go straight home. She went to a small park inside the city and sat down among the gay lights and decorations with a crowd that had gathered for a Christmas concert performed by the local highschool band and chorus. There were so many people that one more didn’t matter, and her tears weren’t as noticeable in the crush of voices.

The lovely, familiar carols were oddly soothing. But her Christmas spirit was absent. How could she have trusted Corrigan? She was falling in love all over again, and he was setting her up for a fall. She’d never believe a word he said, ever again. And now that she’d had a look at his beautiful divorcée, she knew she wouldn’t have a chance with him. That woman was exquisite, from her creamy skin to her perfect figure and face. The only surprising thing was that he hadn’t married her years ago. Surely a woman like that wouldn’t hang around waiting, when she could have any man she wanted.

Someone offered her a cup of hot apple cider, and she managed a smile and thanked the child who held it out to her. It was spicy and sweet and tasted good against the chill. She sipped it, thinking how horrible it was going to be from now on, living in Jacobsville with Corrigan only a few miles away and that woman hanging on his arm. He hadn’t mentioned anything about Christmas to Dorie, but apparently he had his plans all mapped out if he was taking the merry divorcée to a party. When had he been going to tell her the truth? Or had he been going to let her find it out all for herself?

She couldn’t remember ever feeling quite so bad. She finished the cider, listened to one more song and then got up and walked through the crowd, down the long sidewalk to where she’d parked her car. She sat in it for a moment, trying to decide what to do. It was Saturday and she had nothing planned for today. She wasn’t going to go home. She couldn’t bear the thought of going home.

She turned the car and headed up to the interstate, on the road to Victoria.