The Soldier's Homecoming

“We’ve done just fine, thank you.”

Jonas stared hard at her—dismissive. Her tone, her body language…it was all dismissive. He wasn’t wanted or required here. God, he wasn’t really wanted or required anywhere anymore. In a world of doers, he was now redundant. What had once been his purpose was gone. And he’d never thought about what he’d do when it was over. He’d always thought he’d keep doing what he was doing until he died on some battlefield. He certainly hadn’t expected to come home with a gimp leg, leaving him good for next to nothing.

He saw the talent in the next wave of elite soldiers and hated that he wasn’t one of them anymore. Put out to pasture at the ripe old age of twenty-eight. It didn’t seem fair. He’d lost his career, and now he discovered he’d lost a family he hadn’t even known he had.

“I want to see her.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

His eyes blazed. “Shannyn, you can’t keep me from my own daughter.”

“I’ll do what I have to, to keep her safe and happy.”

“And you think I’d threaten that?”

“She doesn’t need a temporary dad who’ll leave once he satisfies his curiosity.”

That was what she thought of him, then. It showed how little she knew. How far apart they were.

“Look at me,” he whispered stridently. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere? You’ve seen my file, right? Active duty is a long shot at best, out of my realm of possibility, more likely, according to the doctors.”

He stepped closer, close enough that she had to tilt her neck sharply to look into his eyes. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, so close he could almost feel it against his. His gaze fell to her lips, and they opened slightly. How he could despise her so much right now and still want to kiss her was beyond him.

“I’m obviously not in danger anymore. So tell me, Shannyn. What is it you’re really afraid of?”

CHAPTER FOUR

SHANNYN took a step back. “You’re invading my personal space.”

Jonas laughed, a brittle sound as he stared at her with accusation in his eyes. “I beg your pardon.” He affected a small bow, mocking her, and put more distance between them.

“You can’t keep me from my daughter anymore,” he argued firmly. “And you know it.”

Shannyn’s heart sank. He was right. Now that he knew about Emma, she had no right to keep him from her. Legally she had no reason to deny him visitation. All she had were her own reservations, which would matter very little in the overall scheme of things if he pressed his case. She decided to appeal to whatever sense of fatherly concern he might possess.

“I don’t want her upset.”

He put his hand into his trousers pocket and tilted his head, watching her closely. “Neither do I. I’m willing to let you name the terms of how we do this. Within reason.”

“You are?” It was the last thing she’d expected from him and she couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.

“You can tell her about me by yourself, if you wish. And we’ll meet wherever you think she’ll be most comfortable.” He balanced his weight on one leg and smiled thinly, a smile that seemed forced and manufactured for the moment.

“Thank you,” Shannyn breathed with relief.

“I don’t have any desire to traumatize her, Shannyn.” His jaw softened slightly. “I’m not in the habit of terrorizing children.”

“Of course not.” She dropped her eyes. After the initial blowout, he was suddenly being remarkably reasonable. Appealing to him from Emma’s point of view had been the right course. He was exerting his rights, but at least he wasn’t blind to how this would affect Emma.

“You have the weekend.” He straightened, putting his weight equally on his feet once more. “I’ll be in touch Monday, and we’ll talk then about how to move forward.”

She met his gaze again and clenched her fingers. He was making it sound like a business transaction, or an assignment.

“For someone who says I can handle this how I want, you’re being awfully dictatorial. It’s not some battle plan you’ve concocted.”

“I just want to make sure you don’t drag this out. It’s been six years. I think I have a right to have doubts about your…expediency.”

Shannyn felt as if they were right back to the beginning of the argument again, and she didn’t want to rehash everything that had been said—and unsaid.

“Fine. But just so you know,” she lifted her chin, “bossing me around really isn’t going to help your case any.”

Jonas stared down into her eyes, and she struggled not to feel intimidated. In front of her now was a man accustomed to getting what he wanted. One who gave orders and had them followed. One way or another. But she was going to do this on her terms. It didn’t matter what it took, she’d go toe-to-toe with him, for Emma’s sake. Protecting herself right now came second to making sure Emma remained unhurt through everything.

She got the feeling the battle was going to be draining. In more ways than one.

“The weekend, Shannyn.” The words were softly spoken, but she was left in no doubt of the ultimatum they contained. “I’ll be in touch on Monday.”

He spun on his heel and walked away, his gait lopsided from his injury.

Shannyn went back to the bench and sat down heavily. How on earth was she going to find the words to tell her baby that she had a daddy after all?

She chose the backyard because that was the place Emma was most comfortable and happy. They didn’t have a huge yard, but what they did have was lush with green grass and a perfect place to play. A white fence separated them from the neighbours, and in one corner Shannyn had put a small flower bed and herb garden, as well as Emma’s outdoor toys.

Today Shannyn felt the need to be outside in the fresh air, not cooped up in a room where she found it hard to breathe. Every time she thought of what she’d say to Emma, her heart faltered. In her mind she’d gone over and over the questions Emma might have, and how she’d answer them so a five-year-old would understand. She’d thought about it so much that here it was Sunday afternoon and still she hadn’t done it.

But Jonas would call tomorrow. She was sure of it. And if she hadn’t told Emma by the time he did, she knew Jonas would make things very difficult.

“Honey, you want a Popsicle?” Shannyn called out to Emma who was pumping her legs and swinging on the secondhand swing set Shannyn had bought at a yard sale last spring.

“Okay.” The legs stopped pumping, and the swing slowed until Emma popped off and landed on the grass.

It felt more like August than June today. Mellow warmth soaked through Shannyn’s T-shirt and heated her legs. It was the kind of day that made her wish she were out boating on the river, or lying on the beach at the lake. For a minute she got caught in memories of Jonas, a Jonas who was less jaded and more carefree, squidging his toes in the sand at the beach as she lay in his arms.

But reality was that she was supposed to be having a life-altering discussion with her baby, who wasn’t so much of a baby anymore.

She handed over the Popsicle and patted the seat of the picnic table.

Emma hopped up and Shannyn smiled down on her dark head as she licked the Popsicle. Everything she’d done in these past years had been for Emma. To give her the kind of life every child deserved. One filled with love and fun and, most of all, stability. Different from the one she’d had. Her number-one priority had been to protect Emma. To do what she thought was best. Now she had to undo everything with a simple conversation. Turn her little girl’s life upside down.

How did she even begin?

She hadn’t said anything at all until Emma started preschool and began noticing her friends had mommies and daddies. Or that they lived with their mommy and saw their daddies on weekends. When the question arose, she had given Emma the short version. That her daddy didn’t know that she was born and that Shannyn didn’t know where he was right now. And then she’d reinforced how happy and good their life was. It had never been her intention that Emma would find her life lacking in any way. And Emma had accepted her answers like any young child would. With trust.

How could she now explain that her father was here and wanted to see her? In her heart, Shannyn knew he would leave again. Maybe not next week or next month, but eventually he would leave and Emma would be fatherless again. How was that fair? She put her hand on Emma’s curls, feeling the warmth radiating from her scalp. Every single decision she had made had been to protect Emma from upheaval.

“Mama? Can I play on the slide now?”

Shannyn looked into her daughter’s eyes. They were so like Jonas’s and since she’d seen him again they seemed even more so. Being with him, even through their arguments, only served to remind her how much she’d invested in him so long ago. And how much she’d invested in their daughter in the years since.