The Tatler (Vol 4)

    "Sir,
    "Your most humble Servant,
    "Ebenezer."[278 - There is a letter by Robin Harper on the same subject in Lillie's "Letters sent to the Tatler and Spectator," i. 326.]

"Mr. Bickerstaff,

"I now take leave to address you in your character of censor, and complain to you, that among the various errors in conversation which you have corrected, there is one which, though it has not escaped a general reproof, yet seems to deserve a more particular severity. 'Tis a humour of jesting on disagreeable subjects, and insisting on the jest the more it creates uneasiness; and this some men think they have a title to do as friends. Is the design of jesting to provoke? Or does friendship give a privilege to say things with a design to shock? How can that be called a jest which has nothing in it but bitterness? 'Tis generally allowed necessary, for the peace of company, that men should a little study the tempers of each other; but certainly that must be in order to shun what's offensive, not to make it a constant entertainment. The frequent repetition of what appears harsh, will unavoidably leave a rancour that's fatal to friendship; and I doubt much, whether it would be an argument of a man's good humour, if he should be roused, by perpetual teasing, to treat those that do it as his enemies. In a word, whereas 'tis a common practice to let a story die, merely because it does not touch, I think such as mention one they find does, are as troublesome to society, and as unfit for it, as wags, men of fire, good talkers, or any other apes in conversation; and therefore, for the public benefit, I hope you'll cause them to be branded with such a name as they deserve. I am,

    "Sir, yours,
    "Patient Friendly."

The case of Ebenezer is a very common one, and is always cured by neglect. These fantastical returns of affection proceed from a certain vanity in the other sex, supported by a perverted taste in ours. I must publish it as a rule, that no faults which proceed from the will, either in a mistress or a friend, are to be tolerated. But we should be so complaisant to ladies, to let them displease when they aim at doing it. Pluck up a spirit, Ebenezer, recover the use of your judgment, and her faults will appear, or her beauties vanish. "Her faults begin to please me as well as my own," is a sentence very prettily put into the mouth of a lover by the comic poet,[279 - Congreve, "The Way of the World," act i. sc. 3.] but he never designed it for a maxim of life, but the picture of an imperfection. If Ebenezer takes my advice, the same temper which made her insolent to his love, will make her submissive to his indifference.

I cannot wholly ascribe the faults mentioned in the second letter to the same vanity or pride in companions who secretly triumph over their friends, in being sharp upon them in things where they are most tender. But when this sort of behaviour does not proceed from that source, it does from barrenness of invention, and an inability to support a conversation in a way less offensive. It is the same poverty which makes men speak or write smuttily, that forces them to talk vexingly. As obscene language is an address to the lewd for applause, so are sharp allusions an appeal to the ill-natured. But mean and illiterate is that conversation where one man exercises his wit to make another exercise his patience.

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Whereas Plagius has been told again and again, both in public and private, that he preaches excellently well, and still goes on to preach as well as ever, and all this to a polite and learned audience; this is to desire, that he would not hereafter be so eloquent, except to a country congregation, the proprietors of Tillotson's works having consulted the learned in the law, whether preaching a sermon they have purchased, is not to be construed publishing their copy.

Mr. Dogood is desired to consider, that his story is severe upon a weakness, and not a folly.

No. 270. [Steele.

From Thursday, Dec. 28, to Saturday, Dec. 30, 1710

Cum pulchris tunicis sumet nova consilia et spes.

    Hor., 1 Ep. xviii. 33.

From my own Apartment, Dec. 29

According to my late resolution, I take the holidays to be no improper season to entertain the town with the addresses of my correspondents. In my walks every day there appear all round me very great offenders in the point of dress. An armed tailor had the impudence yesterday in the park to smile in my face, and pull off a laced hat to me, as it were in contempt of my authority and censure. However, it is a very great satisfaction, that other people as well as myself are offended with these improprieties. The following notices from persons of different sexes and qualities are a sufficient instance how useful my Lucubrations are to the public.

    "Jack's Coffee-house, nearGuildhall, Dec. 27.

"Cousin Bickerstaff,

"It has been the peculiar blessing of our family to be always above the smiles or frowns of fortune, and by a certain greatness of mind to restrain all irregular fondnesses or passions. From hence it is, that though a long decay, and a numerous descent, have obliged many of our house to fall into the arts of trade and business, no one person of us has ever made an appearance that betrayed our being unsatisfied with our own station of life, or has ever affected a mien or gesture unsuitable to it.

"You have up and down in your writings very justly remarked, that it is not this or the other profession or quality among men that gives us honour and esteem, but the well or ill behaving ourselves in those characters. It is therefore with no small concern, that I behold in coffee houses and public places my brethren, the tradesmen of this city, put off the smooth, even, and ancient decorum of thriving citizens, for a fantastical dress and figure, improper for their persons and characters, to the utter destruction of that order and distinction which of right ought to be between St. James's and Milk Street, the Camp and Cheapside.

"I have given myself some time to find out, how distinguishing the frays in a lot of muslins, or drawing up a regiment of thread laces, or making a panegyric on pieces of sagathy[280 - A serge material.] or Scotch plaid, should entitle a man to a laced hat or sword, a wig tied up with ribbons, or an embroidered coat. The College[281 - College of Physicians.] say, this enormity proceeds from a sort of delirium in the brain, which makes it break out first about the head, and, for want of timely remedies, fall upon the left thigh, and from thence in little mazes and windings run over the whole body, as appears by pretty ornaments on the buttons, button-holes, garterings, sides of the breeches, and the like. I beg the favour of you to give us a discourse wholly upon the subject of habits, which will contribute to the better government of conversation amongst us and in particular oblige,

    "Sir,
    "Your affectionate Cousin,
    "Felix Tranquillus."

"To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great Britain

"The humble Petition of Ralph Nab, haberdasher of hats and many other poor sufferers of the same trade:

"Showeth – That for some years last past the use of gold and silver galloon[282 - Close lace made of gold, of silver, or silk.] upon hats has been almost universal, being undistinguishably worn by soldiers, squires, lords, footmen, beaus, sportsmen, traders, clerks, prigs, smarts, cullies, pretty fellows, and sharpers.

"That the said use and custom has been two ways very prejudicial to your petitioners: first, in that it has induced men, to the great damage of your petitioners, to wear their hats upon their heads, by which means the said hats last much longer whole than they would do if worn under their arms. Secondly, in that very often a new dressing and a new lace supply the place of a new hat, which grievance we are chiefly sensible of in the spring-time, when the company is leaving the town; it so happening commonly, that a hat shall frequent all winter the finest and best assemblies without any ornaments at all, and in May shall be tricked up with gold or silver to keep company with rustics, and ride in the rain.

"All which premises your petitioners humbly pray you to take into your consideration, and either to appoint a day in your Court of Honour, when all pretenders to the galloon may enter their claims, and have them approved or rejected, or to give us such other relief as to your great wisdom shall seem meet.

"And your petitioners, &c."

Order my friend near Temple Bar, the author of the "Hunting-Cock," to assist the court when this petition is read, of which Mr. Lillie to give him notice.

"To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great Britain

"The humble Petition of Elizabeth Slender, spinster:

"Showeth – That on the 20th of this instant December, her friend Rebecca Hive and your petitioner walking in the Strand, saw a gentleman before us in a gown, whose periwig was so long and so much powdered, that your petitioner took notice of it, and said, she wondered that lawyer would so spoil a new gown with powder. To which it was answered, that he was no lawyer but a clergyman. Upon a wager of a pot of coffee we overtook him, and your petitioner was soon convinced she had lost.

"Your petitioner therefore desires your worship to cite the clergyman before you, and to settle and adjust the length of canonical periwigs, and the quantity of powder to be made use of in them, and to give such other directions as you shall think fit.[283 - Anthony Wood says that Nathaniel Vincent, D.D., chaplain-in-ordinary to Charles II, preached before him at Newmarket in a long periwig, &c., according to the then fashion for gentlemen; and that his Majesty was so offended at it, that he commanded the Duke of Monmouth, Chancellor to the University of Cambridge, to see the statutes concerning decency of apparel put in execution; which was done accordingly. Thiers, in his treatise of perukes, says that no ecclesiastic wore a peruke before the Restoration.]

"And your petitioner, &c."

Q. Whether this gentleman be not chaplain to a regiment, and in such case allow powder accordingly?

After all that can be thought on these subjects, I must confess, that the men who dress with a certain ambition to appear more than they are, are much more excusable than those who betray, in the adorning their persons, a secret vanity and inclination to shine in things, wherein if they did succeed, it would rather lessen than advance their character. For this reason, I am more provoked at the allegations relating to the clergyman, than any other hinted at in these complaints. I have indeed a long time with much concern observed abundance of pretty fellows in sacred orders, and shall in due time let them know, that I pretend to give ecclesiastical as well as civil censures. A man well bred and well dressed in that habit, adds to the sacredness of his function an agreeableness not to be met with among the laity. I own I have spent some evenings among the men of wit of that profession with an inexpressible delight. Their habitual care of their character gives such a chastisement to their fancy, that all which they utter in company is as much above what you meet with in other conversations, as the charms of a modest are superior to those of a light woman. I therefore earnestly desire our young missionaries from the Universities to consider where they are, and not dress, and look, and move like young officers. It is no disadvantage to have a very handsome white hand; but were I to preach repentance to a gallery of ladies, I would, methinks, keep my gloves on. I have an unfeigned affection to the class of mankind appointed to serve at the altar, therefore am in danger of running out of my way, and growing too serious on this occasion; for which reason I shall end with the following epistle, which, by my interest in Tom Trot the penny-post, I procured a copy of.

"To the Rev. Mr. Ralph Incense, Chaplain to the Countess-Dowager of Brumpton

"Sir,

"I heard and saw you preach last Sunday. I am an ignorant young woman, and understood not half you said: but ah! your manner, when you held up both your hands toward our pew! Did you design to win me to heaven, or yourself?

    "Your humble Servant,
    "Penitence Gentle."

Advertisements

Mr. Proctorstaff, of Clare Hall, in Cambridge, is received as a kinsman, according to his request bearing date the 20th instant.

The distressed son of Æsculapius is desired to be more particular.

No. 271. [Steele.[284 - "Steele's last Tatler came out to-day. You will see it before this comes to you, and how he takes leave of the world. He never told so much as Addison of it, who was surprised as much as I; but, to say the truth, it was time, for he grew cruel dull and dry. To my knowledge he had several good hints to go upon; but he was so lazy, and weary of the work, that he would not improve them" (Swift's "Journal," Jan. 2, 1711). A curious pamphlet, called "The Friendly Courier: By way of Letters from Persons in Town to their Acquaintance in the Country, containing whatever is Curious or Remarkable at Home or Abroad. Numb. I. To be continued" (London, 1711), opens with an account of the discontinuance of the Tatler: "What should this great matter be, but that the old man, the philosopher, the humourist, the astrologer, the censor, the undertaker, the constellation-monger, the Tatler, should be no longer Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq.; that he should have neither maid, dog, cat, pipes, or tobacco-box, in Sheer Lane; but one Richard Steele: from whence arises many fatal mischiefs," &c.]

From Saturday, Dec. 30, 1710, to Tuesday, Jan. 2, 1710-1

The printer having informed me, that there are as many of these papers printed as will make four volumes, I am now come to the end of my ambition in this matter, and have nothing further to say to the world, under the character of Isaac Bickerstaff. This work has indeed for some time been disagreeable to me, and the purpose of it wholly lost by my being so long understood as the author. I never designed in it to give any man any secret wound by my concealment, but spoke in the character of an old man, a philosopher, a humourist, an astrologer, and a censor, to allure my reader with the variety of my subjects, and insinuate, if I could, the weight of reason with the agreeableness of wit. The general purpose of the whole has been to recommend truth, innocence, honour, and virtue, as the chief ornaments of life; but I considered, that severity of manners was absolutely necessary to him who would censure others, and for that reason, and that only, chose to talk in a mask. I shall not carry my humility so far as to call myself a vicious man; but at the same time must confess, my life is at best but pardonable. And with no greater character than this, a man would make but an indifferent progress in attacking prevailing and fashionable vices, which Mr. Bickerstaff has done with a freedom of spirit that would have lost both its beauty and efficacy, had it been pretended to by Mr. Steele.

As to the work itself, the acceptance it has met with is the best proof of its value; but I should err against that candour which an honest man should always carry about him, if I did not own, that the most approved pieces in it were written by others, and those which have been most excepted against by myself. The hand[285 - Addison.] that has assisted me in those noble discourses upon the immortality of the soul, the glorious prospects of another life, and the most sublime ideas of religion and virtue, is a person who is too fondly my friend ever to own them; but I should little deserve to be his, if I usurped the glory of them. I must acknowledge at the same time, that I think the finest strokes of wit and humour in all Mr. Bickerstaff's Lucubrations are those for which he is also beholden to him.

As for the satirical parts of these writings, those against the gentlemen who profess gaming[286 - See No. 56, &c.] are the most licentious; but the main of them I take to come from losing gamesters, as invectives against the fortunate; for in very many of them, I was very little else but the transcriber. If any have been more particularly marked at, such persons may impute it to their own behaviour (before they were touched upon) in publicly speaking their resentment against the author, and professing they would support any man who should insult him. When I mention this subject, I hope Major-General Davenport,[287 - Major-General Sherington Davenport, of Worfield, in Shropshire, was, at the time here spoken of, lieutenant-colonel of the first troop of Horse Guards; towards the end of April 1714, having fallen under the displeasure of the Court, he was ordered to sell his commission in favour of Brigadier Panton. Colonel Wood and Colonel Paget had orders at the same time to sell their companies in the Foot Guards ("Polit. State," vols. vii. and viii. p. 412). About a year after, in the end of February 1714-15, Major-General Davenport bought, it is said, the regiment of Colonel Jocelyn, in Ireland, for £4000 (Weekly Packet, February 26, 1714-15). – (Nichols.)] Brigadier Bisset,[288 - Brigadier Andrew Bisset was a native of Aberdeenshire, in North Britain. On the 25th of August 1717, he was appointed by George I. to the command of a regiment of foot, now called the 30th Regiment.] and my Lord Forbes,[289 - George, Lord Forbes, admiral and diplomatist, was born in 1685, and succeeded his father as third Earl of Granard in 1734. He died in 1765 (see No. 61, note). In 1710 Lord Forbes was a captain in the navy, and a brigadier in the 4th troop of Horse Guards. He was wounded at the battle of Villaviciosa on the 10th of December.] will accept of my thanks for their frequent good offices,[290 - The story of the defence against angry sharpers afforded to Steele by Lord Forbes and his friends, has been told in a note to No. 115.] in professing their readiness to partake any danger that should befall me in so just an undertaking, as the endeavour to banish fraud and cozenage from the presence and conversation of gentlemen.