The Parent's Assistant; Or, Stories for Children

Old M. No, please your worship, no; not the box – the box was never stirred from the place where I put it. They left me the box.

Just. Tut, tut, tut, man! – took the money and left the box? I'll never believe that! I'll never believe that any one could be such a fool. Tut, tut! the thing's impossible! It's well you are not upon oath.

Old M. If I were, please your worship, I should say the same; for it is the truth.

Just. Don't tell me, don't tell me; I say the thing is impossible.

Old M. Please your worship, here's the box.

Just. (goes on without looking at it). Nonsense! nonsense! it's no such thing; it's no such thing, I say – no man would take the money and leave the tobacco-box. I won't believe it. Nothing shall make me believe it ever – that's poz.

Lucy (takes the box and holds it up before her father's eyes). You did not see the box, did you, papa?

Just. Yes, yes, yes, child – nonsense! it's all a lie from beginning to end. A man who tells one lie will tell a hundred. All a lie! – all a lie!

Old M. If your worship would give me leave —

Just. Sir, it does not signify – it does not signify! I've said it, I've said it, and that's enough to convince me, and I'll tell you more; if my Lord Chief Justice of England told it to me, I would not believe it – that's poz!

Lucy (still playing with the box). But how comes the box here, I wonder?

Just. Pshaw! pshaw! pshaw! darling. Go to your dolls, darling, and don't be positive – go to your dolls, and don't talk of what you don't understand. What can you understand, I want to know, of the law?

Lucy. No, papa, I didn't mean about the law, but about the box; because, if the man had taken it, how could it be here, you know, papa?

Just. Hey, hey, what? Why, what I say is this, that I don't dispute that that box, that you hold in your hands, is a box; nay, for aught I know, it may be a tobacco-box – but it's clear to me that if they left the box they did not take the money; and how do you dare, sir, to come before Justice Headstrong with a lie in your mouth? recollect yourself, I'll give you time to recollect yourself.

(A pause.)

Just. Well, sir; and what do you say now about the box?

Old M. Please your worship, with submission, I can say nothing but what I said before.

Just. What, contradict me again, after I gave you time to recollect yourself! I've done with you; I have done. Contradict me as often as you please, but you cannot impose upon me; I defy you to impose upon me!

Old M. Impose!

Just. I know the law! – I know the law! – and I'll make you know it, too. One hour I'll give you to recollect yourself, and if you don't give up this idle story, I'll – I'll commit you as a vagrant – that's poz! Go, go, for the present. William, take him into the servants' hall, do you hear? – What, take the money, and leave the box? I'll never do it – that's poz!

    (Lucy speaks to the Old Man as he is going off.)

Lucy. Don't be frightened! don't be frightened! – I mean, if you tell the truth, never be frightened.

Old M.If I tell the truth – (turning up his eyes).

    (Old Man is still held back by the young lady.)

Lucy. One moment – answer me one question – because of something that just came into my head. Was the box shut fast when you left it?

Old M. No, miss, no! – open – it was open; for I could not find the lid in the dark – my candle went out. If I tell the truth – oh!

    (Exit.)

SCENE IV

Justice's Study – the Justice is writing

Old M. Well! – I shall have but few days' more misery in this world!

Just. (looks up). Why! why – why then, why will you be so positive to persist in a lie? Take the money and leave the box! Obstinate blockhead! Here, William (showing the committal), take this old gentleman to Holdfast, the constable, and give him this warrant.

Enter Lucy, running, out of breath

Lucy. I've found it! I've found it! Here, old man; here's your money – here it is all – a guinea and a half, and a shilling and a sixpence, just as he said, papa.

Enter Landlady

Land. Oh la! your worship, did you ever hear the like?

Just. I've heard nothing yet that I can understand. First, have you secured the thief, I say?

Lucy (makes signs to the landlady to be silent). Yes, yes, yes! we have him safe – we have him prisoner. Shall he come in, papa?

Just. Yes, child, by all means; and now I shall hear what possessed him to leave the box. I don't understand – there's something deep in all this; I don't understand it. Now I do desire, Mrs. Landlady, nobody may speak a single word whilst I am cross-examining the thief.

    (Landlady puts her finger upon her lips – Everybody looks eagerly towards the door.)

Re-enter Lucy, with a huge wicker cage in her hand, containing a magpie – The Justice drops the committal out of his hand

Just. Hey! – what, Mrs. Landlady – the old magpie? hey?

Land. Ay, your worship, my old magpie. Who'd have thought it? Miss was very clever – it was she caught the thief. Miss was very clever.

Old M. Very good! very good!

Just. Ay, darling, her father's own child! How was it, child? Caught the thief, with the mainour, hey? Tell us all; I will hear all – that's poz.

Lucy. Oh! then first I must tell you how I came to suspect Mr. Magpie. Do you remember, papa, that day last summer when I went with you to the bowling-green at the 'Saracen's Head'?

Land. Oh, of all days in the year! but I ask pardon, miss.

Lucy. Well, that day I heard my uncle and another gentleman telling stories of magpies hiding money; and they laid a wager about this old magpie and they tried him – they put a shilling upon the table, and he ran away with it and hid it; so I thought that he might do so again, you know, this time.

Just. Right, right. It's a pity, child, you are not upon the Bench – ha! ha! ha!

Lucy. And when I went to his old hiding-place, there it was; but you see, papa, he did not take the box.

Just. No, no, no! because the thief was a magpie. No man would have taken the money and left the box. You see I was right; no man would have left the box, hey?