Treading Lightly

“Oh my God! I know! Why would you do that, Janine?”

Will you please be quiet and mind your own business, you insufferable witch! “I gave it to Locks of Love.”

“Who’s Loxa Luv? She sounds like a porn star. Why are you giving a porn star your hair?”

“Locks of Love, Mother. It’s an organization that makes wigs for teenage girls who lose their hair from medical problems.”

“But your hair was down past your waist!”

“Yes, Mother. I know.”

“How much did you cut off?”

“All of it.”

The older woman choked on her gasp.

“It’ll make a nice, long wig for some girl,” Janine added.

“You don’t even know who it will go to?”

“Nope.”

She heard her mother tsk a few times. “How could you do such a thing?”

Will you please be quiet and mind your own business, you insufferable witch! “I was being generous and giving, Mother. A notion you may not be familiar with.”

“What do you look like now? Without your hair, you have nothing left. Nothing!”

“Why, thank you, Mother. As a matter of fact, you’re probably right. It’s short, cropped close to the head, and now that the weight is gone from it, it’s sprung like a thousand demented pogo sticks on crack.”

“Oh my God. It sounds gruesome!”

“Yes, Mother. I’d have to say that’s exactly how it looks.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re reclusive. No one has to see you.”

“Yes, Mother, I’m saving the world by staying indoors.”

“You don’t have any awards ceremonies or anything coming up do you, dear?”

Will you please be quiet and mind your own business, you insufferable witch! “No, Mother. But thanks for pointing that out for me. It makes me feel a hell of a lot better to know I won’t be offending anyone while not getting any attention or accolades for my work.”

“Yes, dear. Glad I could help.”

Sarcasm was lost on the woman. “Do you have anything else to say to me, Mother? I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.”

“Oh, please, Janine. Don’t start overeating, too. Between your hair, your plummeting career and your difficult son, you don’t want to add to your misfortune by making yourself overweight!”

Will you please be quiet and mind your own business, you insufferable witch! “I was talking metaphorically, not foodwise. I’ve got a lot of problems on my plate right now, Mother. And Craig is not difficult, Mother. He’s the perfect kid. So before you start ripping him apart like you do me, my advice is to say goodbye and hang up the phone before I give you a little piece of my mind on your parenting abilities.”

“No reason to get yourself in a huff, dear.”

“Yes, Mother, there is. You can say whatever you like about me, but when you cross the line and talk about my son, you’re overstepping your bounds, and you’d be wise to back off.”

“But I…”

Will you please be quiet and mind your own business, you insufferable witch! “Back off, Mother, and say goodbye.”

The older woman sighed. “Okay, Janine. I don’t know why you have to turn everything into a fight. I was only trying to give you advice based on some of my many years as a—”

“Goodbye, Mother,” she said as she hung up the phone on her mother, mid-sentence.

She hadn’t noticed that the music had stopped. Nor did she see Craig come out of his room, sliding along the hallway to the kitchen in his socks; so she was startled when he spoke. “You okay, Mom?”

Janine nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.”

“I heard everything,” he said gently. “I didn’t mean to, but when you knocked on my door, I thought the phone was for me so I listened in.”

“It’s okay.”

“Thanks for sticking up for me.”

She nodded.

“I’m sorry about what I said before.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, Mom. It’s not. You’re nothing like Grandma.”

A snort of air came from Janine’s nose. “That’s a relief.”

They stood in silence, neither knowing what to say next.

“Why do you let her talk to you that way, Mom?”

She shrugged. “Why fight it? It just extends the conversation. I’ve learned long ago to let her have her say and not argue. Arguing only prolongs the agony.”

He nodded.

She looked at her son. Really looked at him. “I don’t want you to ever think that way about me, Craig. I want you to be able to talk to me.”

“I can, Mom.”

She smiled sadly at the most important person in her world—the only important person in her world. “Will you let me know if I ever get too overbearing and you can’t express yourself to me? Because the day that happens will be the day I’ve destroyed the best thing in my life.”

He looked at the floor, stubbing his toe at some invisible mark. “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”