A Kiss Too Late

J EN GLANCED once again at the elaborate clock that presided on the mantelpiece. She’d always disliked that clock, with its fussy, scrolled trim in gilded bronze. Nonetheless, the minute hand accurately indicated that Jen had been waiting in the living room for almost half an hour. This was so typical of her mother. Visiting her was like trying to see a head of state. The housekeeper had sternly ushered Jen into the living room, instructed her to remain there and stalked off to inform “madame” of this intrusion. Throughout the years, Jen’s mother had employed a long line of equally stern housekeepers, who invariably considered it their duty to obliterate any homey detail in the Hillard mansion.

As Jen attempted to find a comfortable spot on the silk-brocade sofa, she felt more and more like someone waiting to petition the Queen. But she rejected the alternative of going upstairs to search for signs of life. Her great-uncles were never home at this time of day–not that Jen could have counted on them to ease the tension. At any rate, Jen would just wait here and let her mother make a grand entrance, if that was what she wanted.

At last the tap of heels sounded in the hall, and Beth Hillard appeared in the doorway. She smiled graciously, as if to an audience.

“Jenna, come here and give your poor old mother a kiss.” Beth Hillard looked anything but poor and old. A slender woman of fifty-six, she could easily have passed for ten years younger. Her hair was still as dark as Jen’s, her skin still fresh and barely lined. If on occasion Beth cultivated an air of frailty, it was simply to put others off guard. In reality, Beth Hillard was a shrewd, determined woman.

Now she held out her arms, and Jen went to give her a dutiful hug. As usual, a cloud of fragrance enveloped her, a floral perfume that Beth had been using forever. It reminded Jen of roses preserved under glass, and it always made her stomach tighten with some vague apprehension. Today was no different.

“We won’t quarrel this time,” Beth murmured against Jen’s ear, like someone delivering a subliminal message. “Absolutely not.”

Jen extricated herself from the embrace, battling a familiar annoyance. “If I recall, Mother, last time you were the one who quarreled with me.”

Beth surveyed her daughter. “Never look to place blame, dear. It’s unladylike. Besides, today I’m willing to make allowances. I absolutely refuse to get upset.”

Jen stifled a groan of frustration. During the past year, her mother had stirred up several arguments with her, usually via the telephone. On one awkward occasion, she’d insisted on meeting in New York. Lunch with Beth had not been a pleasant encounter, by any means.

Now Beth led Jen back to the sofa and urged her to sit. “Come, let’s have a chat. You must be terribly surprised that I’m marrying Phillip–on the spur of the moment like this!”

Jen noted the sparkle in her mother’s eyes. “Considering that you’ve been engaged to the man for years, Mother, ’surprised’ isn’t exactly the term. Let’s just say I’m happy for you and Phillip. Really I am.”

“You know, Jenna, I’ve been foolish to make Phillip wait so long,” Beth said. “I’m glad I’ve finally made up my mind to go ahead. And that brings us to the subject of you and Adam…”

“I don’t quite see the connection,” Jen muttered.

Beth tucked up her feet and settled back in a corner of the sofa. In her bright turquoise blouse and flowered skirt, she made a splash of color against the pale cushions. Beth always dressed to stand out among subdued surroundings; it was part of her flair.

“I want to know how you’ve reacted to seeing Adam,” she said. “Let’s be frank, dear. Don’t tell me the experience didn’t affect you.”

Jen struggled with another surge of annoyance. “Mother, how many times do I have to tell you it’s over between Adam and me? It was an underhanded trick, sending him to New York to tell me about the wedding.”

Beth shrugged. “I just think you ought to get your feelings out in the open. Let’s be honest. You can’t deny that Adam is someone special.”

Jen hated it when her mother went into her honesty mode. Usually it meant Beth wanted other people to be honest, leaving Beth free to pass judgments and proffer advice. It was particularly irritating when the subject turned to Adam.

Jen stood abruptly and went to stare out the window. A lawn as perfect as green velvet sloped down toward the Hillards’ own private beach. Nothing about the place had changed. The grounds were still exquisitely manicured, looking untouched, as if no one ever strolled across them. And Jen’s mother still behaved as if Jen and Adam were meant to form an alliance. That was how the Hillard family had viewed it all those years ago: an alliance, not a romance. Jen suspected that even Adam had seen it in those terms.

She swiveled away from the window and faced Beth again. “Mother, you have to stop. You have to accept the truth about Adam and me. It’s over.”

Now Beth assumed a philosophical air. “You’re just kicking up your heels a little, that’s all. You never had a chance to be on your own before you got married, so you’re doing it now. You just have to get it out of your system.”

Jen clenched her hands into fists. “I’m not just getting something out of my system, as you put it. I’m building a life for myself.”

“One you’re quite mysterious about, if I do say so. What do you do, Jenna? I’m aware you haven’t touched any of the funds in your accounts. How on earth do you support yourself?”

Jen wouldn’t answer that question. No one in her family would understand her job at the deli, or how she lived. And her acting aspirations were too private, too special, to share right now.

“Mother, I’m doing just fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Well, I do worry.” Beth swung her feet down from the sofa and gazed at her daughter in consternation. “If only you’d had children with Adam. That would’ve anchored you.”

“Anchored,” Jen echoed. “Let’s not get into this again, Mother.”

Beth paused, apparently considering different tactics. “I’d always hoped that you and Adam would discover the joys of parenthood together. His poor dear parents dreamed of that, too, you know….”

It was Beth’s guilt treatment, something she used with particular effectiveness. Jen refused to be swayed by it today, but she reflected on her mother’s words. It was true that the Hillards and the Prescotts, long close in friendship, had always harbored the hope that eventually Jen and Adam would marry and produce children of their own. The marriage had taken place, indeed, on the eve of Jen’s twenty-first birthday. She’d been wildly in love, and she’d imagined Adam felt the same way. She’d wanted to believe their union actually had nothing to do with family expectations. More than anything, she’d wanted to believe they were destined to be together for very personal and private reasons. Jen had been so damn naive back then.

Beth spoke again, still working on the guilt angle. “I don’t understand you, Jenna, no matter how hard I try. If you can’t make up with Adam, why don’t you find yourself another husband? Someone suitable, of course, someone–”

“Someone appropriate,” Jen finished. “Yes, I know. Someone with the proper family background who can live up to the Hillard standards.”

“The right candidates are available. Look at me. I managed to find another man who can live up to the standards of our family. In fact, I’m sure your father would be very pleased that I’ve chosen Phillip.”

Undeniably, Phillip Rhodes possessed flawless credentials. Master of his own considerable fortune in real estate, there was no danger that he wished to marry Beth Hillard for her money. Phillip and Jen’s father had even been good friends. Jen could well imagine her father nodding his head in approval, endorsing the wise step his widow was about to take–the step of forming another proper alliance.

Jen pushed both hands through her hair. “Look, Mother, I really am happy for you and Phillip, so let’s forget about me for the moment. This is your time. Let’s talk about plans for the wedding. I’m ready to pitch in and get to work.”

Beth smiled complacently. “I’m so glad to know that, dear. Because you’re going to be a big part of the ceremony. You and Adam both, that is. You see, Adam is going to be the best man, and you’re going to be the maid of honor!”

* * *

JEN WALKED QUICKLY through the grove of linden trees that marked the end of Hillard property. Prescott property began on the other side of the trees. For years, the Hillards and the Prescotts had been neighbors, the two families united in physical proximity, as well as in purpose and outlook. But Jen had always considered this grove between the two estates as a sort of no-man’s land, belonging to neither of the families. It had often been her refuge, a place where she could simply be by herself, away from the combined demands of the Hillards and the Prescotts. It was only natural to come here now. She began to pace.

“Hello, Jenny,” said Adam from the other side of the trees. Jen stopped abruptly. Just the sound of his voice seemed to transform her surroundings. Suddenly this grove seemed too outlying, too secluded.

Jen felt an odd mixture of defensiveness and anticipation. She turned and peered through the branches. “Adam, what are you doing out here?”

He walked toward her. He’d taken off his jacket, but his tie was still loosely knotted. “I have to admit I got curious. How’d it go with your mother?”

Jen frowned at him. “I suppose you already know she plans for me to be maid of honor–with you as best man, naturally.”

“The best man has a lot of responsibilities,” he remarked. “Taking charge of the ushers, being the toastmaster, supervising the rest of the wedding party.”

Jen glanced at him sharply. “I never should’ve let my mother finagle me into this.”

“You could always tell her you don’t want to do it.”

“She is my mother.”

“So we’re both in. I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other the next few days.”

Jen leaned against a tree trunk. “At least we can try not to get in each other’s way.”

“We can try,” he agreed.

“What I mean to say is, I think it would be easier if you didn’t come looking for me like this. Why did you come, Adam?”

For once he appeared at a loss. He didn’t say anything for a moment. When at last he did speak, he surprised Jen.