Blind Dates and Other Disasters: The Wedding Wish

‘Did your drive come from your parents, do you think?’ she asked. ‘They usually provoke fairly strong responses from kids of that age.’

‘My strong response was that I did not want to end up like them. Well, not like my father, to be more precise.’

‘Tell me more.’ Tell me everything. Holly leaned forward with her chin on her palm, intrigued, and waited until he was ready to go on.

‘By the time I was a teenager, more of his money was going on surreptitious boozing than paying the bills. Once I caught my poor mother searching Dad’s jacket pockets for loose change in order to pay the milkman. And when she died, he barely left the house, and then only to head down to the local pub. So the day after my sixteenth birthday I left.’

‘I had no idea, Jacob. I didn’t mean to pry—’

‘It’s okay. I’ve never hidden my modest beginnings. In fact, it has been fairly well documented. “Poor boy makes good” is always a better headline than “Rich kid is still rich”.’

Holly glanced at Jacob’s half drunk glass of wine. ‘Was he an alcoholic?’

Jacob smiled ruefully at his glass, gently swirling the contents.

‘Possibly. Though I have always thought him more weak-willed than having an addictive personality. Being drunk was an excuse not to make a decision.’

‘And you have based your life around not being like that?’

‘Absolutely. It was the perfect example of failing to take life by the horns. I find no point in being tied down in one project. Take the risk, reap the rewards, and move on to the next venture.’

He sounded so earnest. But to Holly it felt as if he had said this same speech a thousand times in his head. And it broke her heart. She had known a man who had lived by that maxim and all it had done was hurt those who loved him most.

‘And Anabella?’ Holly asked, her voice soft. ‘She’s younger than you?’

Jacob dropped his intense gaze to the table, but not before Holly was certain she saw a wave of guilt pass over his absorbing hazel eyes.

‘She was only twelve at the time. We wrote to each other a bit and she let on she wasn’t happy, but at the time I figured it was more important for me to make money so that later she would be set.’

Jacob absently took a large gulp of wine.

‘A few years later I came home, a man of means and experience, rid of my resentment towards my father. Or so I thought. I walked in to find half of the furniture gone, a pile of ironing covering the couch and Ana practically tied to the sink. She was only four years older but had aged so that I barely recognised her. Her clothes were ragged, and her hair had been chopped short, by her own hand, I later discovered. My bright, beautiful little sister was all but gone, replaced with this listless, miserable creature.’

‘Jacob,’ Holly whispered. She lifted a finger to cover her trembling lips, blinking fast to clear the tears blurring her vision. What have I begun?

Why did I begin? Jacob asked himself.

But he was unable to drag his eyes away from Holly’s compassionate face. When she looked at me with those bigblue eyes and asked such a simple question, about cooking, what made me leap into this tale?

It was like leaping off a bridge but all it had taken was for her to ask, and he had leapt. He felt as if he were dangling over the edge and that Holly had control of the only rope that could bring him back to safety. Yet he had complete faith that she would not let go.

And now he had started he knew there was no way he could stop until the whole thing played itself out.

‘Angered beyond thought, and before I even had the chance to hug the poor girl, I forced her to tell me where he was. Down at the local pub, of course. I found him sitting at the bar, a frail shell of the man I had once known. I tossed him the papers to our family home. I had paid off his mortgage. He glanced at the papers, barely registering the fact of them, much less the enormous symbolic gesture of reconciliation I had offered him. I left in disgust, went home, collected Ana and left without a note, knowing that at least now he could wallow in his own self-misery with a roof over his head but without taking Ana down with him.’

‘So you looked after her?’

Jacob nodded.

‘But you were only twenty.’

‘I know, but what choice did we have? So the next few years I was her rock, her whole life, until she managed to get back on her feet.’ I don’t ever want to feel that exposed again. Having someone else depend so entirely on me. It was just so hard.

Holly nodded. And Jacob felt sure it was not just an affectation. She had heard the unsaid words and she understood. ‘What happened to your father?’

Jacob shrugged. ‘He passed away about four years ago.’

‘Before you left for New Orleans?’

Jacob inhaled sharply. She doesn’t miss a beat. ‘That week. After the funeral I made the move.’ Took off, more like it.

‘It all seems to have turned out for the best, don’t you think? You’ve certainly done well for yourself and you and Anabella are on good terms.’

‘But Ana has been spoilt,’ he said. ‘She’s never been interested in holding down a job, and would rather burn her clothes than wash and iron them herself. And that’s my failing.’

Holly had found out what she wanted to know. Her lovely Jacob had exhausted more emotions in the last years of his childhood than most people did in a lifetime. Then in adulthood decided if he had no feelings, they could never consume him.

How could she hope to bring someone back from that sort of pain? She had hardly experienced the kind of rich, fulfilled childhood and stable family that could make it all better for him.

But she would do her best to try.

‘Jacob. Are you kidding me? You helped a child become an adult. Many people never get that chance.’

‘I was clueless.’

‘You were a kid. You can hardly have been expected to know all the answers.’

Jacob shifted in his chair, trying to throw off the strange feeling that had fast crept up on him. He found himself reaching for Holly’s reassurance. And that was exactly what he had just finished telling himself he never wanted to endure again.

He felt that familiar old need to just run and run. But this time he would not look back.

And then Holly took his palm in hers.

‘Listen to me.’

What choice did he have as she stroked the back of his hand? He listened.

‘From what Beth has told me of Ana, she is compassionate and optimistic, serious and spirited. Without her specific blend of life experiences she may not have taken on that formidable combination of traits.’

His hand tingled from the inadvertent patterns she was weaving across his skin. ‘You are probably right.’

‘No probably about it, I am right. I truly believe a person needs highs and lows, comedy and tragedy in order to mature into a valuable, well-rounded personality. I mean, without the sad times how can you really enjoy the happy times? You know how it feels so good after a great big sneeze?’

Jacob was completely caught off guard. The corners of his mouth twitched in the beginnings of a smile. ‘Sure.’

‘Well, that’s because of the intense discomfort and irritation preceding it. You know how it goes. That first slight tingle that makes your nose twitch, which then grows into that bothersome tickle that builds and builds into an exasperating itch. And then comes the sneeze and when it is released, ahhh, what a wonderful sensation. But that wonderful sensation is only the same non-sensation you had before the tingle even started. Basically the good feeling only exists because of the bad feeling prior to it.’

Jacob’s laughter came more easily. ‘I guess there is some peculiar sense in there somewhere.’