Navy Officer to Family Man

‘No one really…not for the first fifteen minutes anyway. I came with a girlfriend to cheer for the uni team but I might have swapped allegiances.’ She gave him a sideways glance, hoping he’d pick up on her invitation.

‘So you don’t have a boyfriend on the uni team who’s going to get upset if I buy you a drink?’

‘No boyfriend.’

And that had been it. Somewhere along the way Juliet had remembered to give Stella her drink and had been relieved to find her in a group that included the boy she was keen on, but after that Sam had been the only one who had held any interest for Juliet.

They’d had such passion and she still found it hard to believe that it hadn’t been enough to sustain them. Hard to believe they hadn’t made it.

She’d only ever had eyes for Sam but passion was no match for reality.

The sound of the front door opening brought Juliet out of her reverie. Initially she thought Sam and the children were home but then she heard Maggie calling her. Her sister had gone for a run and was now probably wondering where everyone had disappeared to. The house was in darkness as Juliet hadn’t turned any lights on and it probably seemed abandoned.

‘In here, Mags,’ she called out, letting Maggie know she was home.

Maggie stuck her head into Juliet’s room. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing,’ Juliet said as she sat up.

‘It’s very quiet. Are the kids already in bed?’

‘No, Sam’s taken them out for dinner.’

‘He’s still in town?’

‘He goes back tomorrow,’ Juliet said.

‘And then what?’ Maggie crossed the room and sat on the bed beside Juliet.

‘I’m not sure. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. Where do I go from here? On one hand nothing’s changed but on the other…’

‘Everything’s changed.’

Juliet nodded.

‘You could have gone with him.’

‘I could have but moving every three years or, worse, every six months wasn’t the right thing for the children, especially Kate. Regardless of her issues, moving constantly once we had a family wasn’t our plan and I thought that given the childhood Sam had he’d want to keep his family together. I thought it would be important to him. But the navy was more important and Sam couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give it up.’ Juliet picked at the quilt cover as she spoke. ‘I made him choose between the navy and us, and I lost.’ She shrugged. ‘No point sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I’ll just have to get on with things.’

Maggie hugged her. ‘You know I’ll always be here if you need me.’

‘Thanks, but I can’t expect you to jump on a plane and fly down to Melbourne at the drop of a hat. You’re here now and I do appreciate that but I’m an adult, and I should be able to manage on my own.’

‘You can manage but there will be times when it’s tough to do that and Sam won’t always be able to help you with the kids in a crisis?he could be on the other side of the world. I’ll only be in Sydney so if you need me, I want to know. You’ve done it for me and I’d be upset to think you wouldn’t call me. Okay?’

Juliet nodded. ‘Thanks, Mags.’

Maggie squeezed her shoulders. ‘No probs. Now, can I make you a cup of tea before I jump in the shower?’

‘No, I’m fine really. The kids should be back soon. Have a shower while there’s still some peace and quiet.’

Maggie disappeared into the guest bathroom and was still in there when Sam and the children returned. Juliet met them at the door and Sam handed her the car keys and a pizza box. ‘We thought you probably hadn’t eaten. It’s a Margherita.’

‘Thank you,’ she said as she took the box from Sam’s hands. Margherita was her favourite. Sam had always been good at the little things but it was the big things that had torn them apart. He could remember her favourite pizza topping and how she liked her tea but couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to move house every three years for the rest of her life.

Let it go, she reprimanded herself, it’s over.

She took the pizza into the kitchen and she could hear the children asking Sam to tuck them into bed before he left. She let Sam help them brush their teeth, change into their pyjamas and read them a story while she ate a couple of slices of pizza, leaving some for Maggie. When the children were ready for bed she stood and watched as Sam kissed them goodnight, amazed as always that she and Sam had created two incredible little people. Two miniature versions of themselves.

But the similarities between her and her daughter were physical rather than psychological. Kate, with her thick dark hair and bright blue eyes, was the spitting image of herself at the same age but she was far more reserved than Juliet had ever been. Juliet was stubborn and headstrong and prone to making quick decisions; Kate was far more measured and in control of her emotions, even at the age of eight. Juliet sometimes wondered if Kate’s dyslexia had influenced her personality. Had she learned to take her time with her responses to ensure she made fewer mistakes or was she simply less volatile than her mother?

Edward and Kate were as different as chalk and cheese, both in looks and behaviour. Edward had inherited his father’s looks and much of his personality. They were both adrenalin junkies, both attracted to danger. She was constantly on the lookout around Edward because he was still too young to assess risk. Sam liked order and routine, he liked to follow the rules and would never make a rash judgement. Juliet hoped Ed would develop some of his father’s sense as he matured but she was worried because she suspected Sam might have always had that slightly sensible gene and that healthy regard for the rules may have been reinforced by his defence force upbringing. Sam’s love of order and routine had certainly helped him to cope with the frequent moves that he’d been exposed to as a defence force brat. From what he ate for breakfast and how he read the paper to the system in his wardrobe and in his bookshelves, Sam was a creature of habit. Even the kids’ bedtime routine had been started by Sam. And now Juliet had taken away some of that.

She followed Sam’s lead, kissing the children goodnight as an unwelcome thought burrowed its way into her head—other than their children, they hadn’t made much of a success of their life together.

CHAPTER THREE

August 2008

JULIET was rushing around the house, trying to get several last-minute jobs out of the way before fetching Edward from kindergarten, when she was interrupted by a knock at the door. A postman waited with a letter, registered mail. She showed the postman her driver’s licence as identification and signed for the envelope with a shaky hand. She knew what the envelope contained? it could only be one thing. It had been a month and a day since she and Sam had been in court.

This was it. Her self-imposed D-Day.

She’d been delaying a whole host of things, things she couldn’t put off any longer. She hadn’t set a date exactly but she’d decided that once the divorce was final and she had the paperwork that said so, she would have to face facts.

She took the envelope to the kitchen and slit it open with a knife.

It had been a month and a day since she’d seen Sam, one month and a day since they’d been in court. Her divorce was absolute. It was there in black and white in front of her. She was now officially a divorcee.

Before she could procrastinate again or let herself be distracted by the children, she did the two things she’d been avoiding. She slid her wedding and engagement rings off her finger and slipped them onto her right hand. It was a slightly tighter fit but she wasn’t ready to be without them totally, though she also had no cause to still be wearing them on her left hand. The rings felt heavy on her right hand and her thumb automatically fiddled with the bands. She supposed she’d get used to the sensation.

One more task to do. She picked up the phone but hesitated before dialling. She put it onto the kitchen bench while she deliberated. What if she didn’t need to make this phone call after all? She palpated her left breast with her fingers, hoping, once again, that maybe the lump had disappeared. But it was still there, about the size of a small walnut. She retrieved the phone and made a long-overdue appointment with her doctor.

‘Good morning, Juliet,’ Dr Wilson said as she called her into the consulting room. ‘What can I do for you today?’

‘I’ve found another breast lump,’ Juliet said as she sat down. She had a history of benign nodules and she’d had various tests done in the past but thankfully they’d all come back negative for any malignancy.

‘When did you notice this one?’

‘A few months ago,’ she answered honestly.

‘Any changes in this one?’

‘I think it’s got bigger.’

Dr Wilson looked at her with one eyebrow raised. ‘Any reason why you haven’t been in to see me sooner?’

Juliet knew that the change in the size of the lump should have sounded warning bells. It had, she just hadn’t had the time or energy to deal with it. Part of her had also tried to pretend that this lump was just like all the others and they’d been fine, hadn’t they? But she knew that this lump wasn’t the same—it had kept on growing.