The Fowl Twins

‘The thing to remember,’she wrote in the foreword, ‘is that everyone is guilty of something.’

If pressed on the matter, Jeronima would say that the strangest subject she had ever questioned was Gary Greyfeather, an African parrot that knew the combination to a cockney gang lord’s safe. It had taken her a few hours and a bucket of nuts, but eventually Gary had spilled the numbers.

The parrot was about to be demoted to second place on the strange-subject list after the Fowl Twins.

Jeronima’s plan was as follows: she would place the twins in adjacent rooms and pose questions to both until some disparity appeared, and then she would use the difference in their stories to drive a wedge between them. Jeronima was aware that Myles was a smart one, but she felt confident that he would crumble quickly in an interview situation.

Myles awoke, and quickly realised that all was not right in the Fowl world. For one thing, he was in a chair, which was most unusual for him. Not being in a chair per se, but waking from slumber in a chair, for Myles was not the type of boy to simply nod off; he had not once, since the age of two, fallen asleep in a chair, sofa or recliner.

To explain: Myles’s brain was so active that he was obliged to perform a nightly relaxation routine in order to disengage his synapses. This routine involved first inserting his night-time mouth guard and then completing self-hypnosis exercises while focusing on Beckett’s unusually musical snores. Beckett’s snores, technically speaking, were not snores at all but a trio of whistles that he exhaled through both of his nostrils and his mouth. This triple exhale was unusual enough in itself, but the really extraordinary thing was that each orifice played a different note. Notes that combined to form a perfect C-major chord, which never failed to remind Myles of Beethoven’s Mass.

Myles could not hear the chord now and knew that he had been separated from his twin. He looked around to find himself in an underground room with stone columns and vaulted arches. There were no visual cues to suggest that he was underground, but Myles could tell instinctively – something perhaps about the heaviness of the air or a pressure he felt in his skull – that he was below sea level. Myles’s skull was very sensitive, and the least change in atmospherics could precipitate a migraine.

Sister Jeronima was seated across a table from him. Bizarrely enough, the nun was absently polishing a throwing knife with a chamois cloth.

Sad, thought Myles. Such a pathetic attempt to intimidate me.

Jeronima expects me to reference the knife, he realised, thus giving her the upper hand.

‘Buenas tardes, Myles Fowl,’ said the nun without looking up from her knife. ‘You must have so many questions.’

It was true that there were things Myles needed to know, but he had answers too, should anyone care to pose the corresponding questions.

He could have asked: Where am I precisely?

Or indeed: Who exactly do you represent?

Or certainly: What do you want with us?

Myles knew that, should he pretend to pass himself off as a frightened, witless youth to learn these things, Jeronima would see right through him; after all, his intellect was well documented.

So, instead of firing off a barrage of questions, Myles said, ‘You sedated us with the helicopter’s oxygen masks. That was a despicable trick, Sister.’

Jeronima was not in the least abashed. ‘The levels are delicate. Sometimes people fall asleep.’

‘And then you are free to smuggle them into your subterranean base without fuss. I would guess we are in Amsterdam. Or perhaps Rotterdam, but I imagine Amsterdam. I do love Amsterdam. The NEMO Science Museum is a marvel, though I do worry about the EYE theatre, architecturally. I have written letters to the board.’

Jeronima gave Myles her full attention. ‘Very good. How did you know we were in Amsterdam?’

This would usually have been a simple question for the NANNI chip embedded in Myles’s spectacles to answer. The map of their trip was displayed for his eyes only on the inside of his lenses. Unfortunately, NANNI had lost network outside Schiphol airport, so Myles had been forced to make an educated guess.

‘Never mind that,’ said Myles. ‘I’m sure you must have questions.’

‘Oh, sí,’ said Jeronima. ‘I have questions, but perhaps some answers too. I can tell you where your brother is.’

Myles rubbed the scar on his wrist. ‘No need. Beckett is in the next room.’

‘You can sense your twin?’

‘Our scars twinge like a form of spiritual radar,’ said Myles. ‘Usually I can see him too.’

‘Do not worry, chico,’ said Jeronima. ‘You will be together soon. It was necessary to separate you for a short time, considering your peculiar situation.’

‘And which peculiar situation is that?’

This was a genuine question from Myles. The Fowls had, over the years, been involved in a great many peculiar situations.

‘The fairy situation,’ said Jeronima, and she placed a black plastic card on the table.

Myles did not touch the card and he made no attempt to scan it with his augmented spectacles. Even basic credit cards had photon technology now. Jeronima had presented her card with such a flourish that Myles felt sure it was packed with advanced sensors and would detect a scan. Then he would lose his precious spectacles and he would have no contact with NANNI, as his watch and smartphone were still beside his bed in Villa Éco.

‘Don’t worry, niño,’ said Jeronima, sensing Myles’s hesitation. ‘It is nothing but a card. We are very old-school down here. There is not even the internet.’

Myles engaged his organic scanners, those being his eyes. At first glance, the card seemed blank, but then Myles noticed seven embossed letters.

‘ACRONYM,’ he read. ‘I presume ACRONYM is an acronym.’

‘Sí, correcto, Myles,’ said Jeronima. ‘ACRONYM stands for: Asociación para el Control, la Regulación, y la Observación de los No-humanos y la Magia.’

‘You’re telling me that the acronym for ACRONYM is ACRONYM?’ asked Myles. ‘That sounds a little forced, if you don’t mind me saying. And it only works in Spanish, though the agency name itself is English.’

‘I suppose you could do the better acronym, chico,’said Jeronima, which was unfortunate, for Myles Fowl had always been a whizz at wordplay.

‘Most certainly I could do better,’ said the bespectacled twin. ‘Let me see … Off the top of my head, what about IMP? Imaginary Monster Patrol. I have added a second layer to the acronym there by linking the word itself to the organisation.’

Jeronima smiled thinly. ‘Most amusing. But also insulting, no?’

‘I take your point. Let’s try another one: ELF. Excellent Leprechaun Force. I could do a few in Spanish if you like?’

Jeronima shrugged. ‘English, Spanish, it does not matter. The name is no importante – it is our actions that count. We are an international intergovernmental organisation charged with monitoring fairy activity.’

‘Los no-humanos,’ said Myles, not bothering to suppress a smirk. ‘So tell me, Sister, if I ignore the ridiculous premise for your group’s very existence, what does your ACRONYM want with us?’

‘Nada. We do not want anything,’ said Jeronima, wide-eyed. ‘We are merely protecting you.’

Myles laughed. ‘From a gunshot? Why would fairy-hunters care about a shot from a human gun? We had a close shave,that is all.’

‘We do not care about this gunshot, but we are most interested in the disappearing island.’

‘There you have me at a disadvantage,’ said Myles. ‘I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about.’

Which was not the whole truth.

The nun’s eyes narrowed and she began twirling the throwing knife on the table. ‘After the gunshot, the island simply disappeared, momentarily, then came back into view. We do not have such technology. So it must be magic.’

Myles laughed. ‘Really, Sister? Magic is your first port of call? Why not aliens? Why not alternative dimensions? Your reasoning is fatally flawed, I’m afraid.’

Jeronima thunked the knife into the tabletop, where it quivered and sang. ‘Listen to me, niño. There is another race under our feet with superior weapons and advanced technology. Some years ago, there was an event that shut down the entire world. Airports, hospitals, everything. It took months for civilisation to recover, and it cost billions. Several governments collapsed.’