Sinner.
She made a sound of terror. Her dad would do it, too. All of it. Without hesitation.
And if he had even one hint of what she had been up to, he would do worse, the way he always threatened. Send her away. Separate her from Andie and Raven. Send her to a place where she would have no one. She couldn’t bear to be alone like that again, the way she had been before Andie and Raven had become her friends.
Julie wiggled free of Ryan’s grasp. “I’m coming,” she called, scrambling around for her bra and shirt, yanking them on, then refastening her shorts. She found her hair band and pulled her long, wavy blond hair back into a high ponytail, combing it with her fingers. She dipped her fingers into her shorts’ pocket for her glasses, dark-rimmed, ugly things she hated and wore as little as possible. She had begged her father for contacts. He had refused, admonishing her sternly about vanity being the work of the devil, then had removed every mirror in the house save for the one in his and her mother’s bathroom, which he kept locked at all times.
Glasses clutched in her hand, she looked apologetically at Ryan. “Sorry. I had a great time.”
He cupped her face in his palms, his expression boyish and pleading. “Then don’t go. Stay with me, babe.”
Her heart turned over. He loved her. He really did. How could she leave when he—
The door flew open; light from the parking lot flooded the car’s interior. Andie stuck her head into the car. “Julie, come on! It’s twenty to nine.”
“Twenty to nine,” Julie repeated, a shudder of fear racing up her spine.
Ryan caught her hand. “Fuck your old man, babe. Stay with me.”
Raven appeared at the doorway then, all but growling at him. “Her old man is not who you want her to fuck. Get lost, creep.”
Andie grabbed her one arm, Raven the other. They pulled Julie out of the car, slammed the door behind her and tugged her toward the shortcut back to Happy Hollow, the subdivision where all three girls lived.
As soon as they had gotten out of earshot of the car, Julie shoved on her glasses and whirled to face Raven, her cheeks hot with fury. “How could you say that to him? You called him a creep. You … you used that word. The F-word. He’ll never want to see me again.”
“Please.” Raven made a sound of derision. “He is a creep, Julie. And the F-word is just a word. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. There, I said it four times and nobody’s dead or anything.”
“Do you always have to be so crude? It makes me sick.”
“Do you always have to be so easy? It makes me embarrassed for you.”
Julie took a step back, feeling as if the other girl had slapped her. “Thanks a lot. I thought you were my friend.”
“And I thought—”
Andie stepped between them. “Stop it, both of you! If we don’t get out of here now, Julie’s sunk. What’s the matter with you guys? We’re supposed to be friends.”
“I’m not going anywhere with her.” Julie folded her arms across her chest. “Not until she apologizes.”
“Why should I? It’s true.”
“It’s not! Ryan said he loves me. That changes everything.”
The words fell between them like a dead cat. Andie and Raven exchanged glances.
“What?” Julie asked, indignant. “Why are you two looking at each other like that?”
“Julie,” Andie said gently, “you hardly know him.”
“That doesn’t matter. With love, that doesn’t matter.” She looked from one to the other, knowing she sounded almost desperate. Sudden tears stung her eyes. “He said he loves me, and I know he meant it.”
“How?” Raven muttered. “By his hard dick?”
Julie sucked in a sharp breath, hurt. “You guys are supposed to be my friends. You’re supposed to stick up for me. You’re supposed to … to understand.”
“We are your friends.” Andie squeezed her arm. “And we do understand, Julie. But friends are also supposed to try to protect each other. Guys will … they’ll say anything to get what they want. You know that.”
“But, Ryan—”
“Look, Julie,” Raven cut in, her tone that of an impatient mother with her toddler, “get real. You ran into the guy at the bowling alley. He’s never even asked you out.”
“He said he liked me all last year. He didn’t ask me out because he was a senior and I was a freshman and—”
“And time for a reality check,” Raven cut in, rolling her eyes. “Did you, like, take classes in being stupid?”
“Thanks a lot,” Julie said, nudging her glasses up to the bridge of her nose with her index finger, her voice quivering with hurt. “I guess it’s hard for either of you to believe that a boy as cute and smart and … and as important as Ryan Tolber would like me, ridiculous little Julie Cooper.”
“That’s not it at all.” Andie shot a warning look at Raven. “And you should know that. We think you’re the best. We think you’re too good for him. Isn’t that right, Rave?”
“Way too good,” Raven answered. “He’s not even in the same league with you.”
“Really?” Julie blinked back tears even as she glared at Raven. “Then why are you always so ugly to me? You act like you’re so much smarter than I am. Like you know so much more about everything. It makes me feel bad.”
“I’m sorry, Julie. It’s just that sometimes you act like all you care about is boys and making out. You know, if you keep this up, people are going to call you a slut. Some already do. And it really makes me mad.”
“A slut,” Julie whispered, her world rocking. “People are … they’re calling me a—” She looked at Andie in question, hardly able to see through her tears. Andie would never deliberately hurt her, but she wouldn’t lie, either. Andie never lied. “Are people … are they really … calling me that?”
Andie hesitated, then put an arm around her. “We’re just trying to protect you, Julie. Because we love you.”
Raven joined the other two. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I just get so pissed off when I see you setting yourself up to be hurt that way. You’re too good for guys like Ryan Tolber. He’s a user.”
“I’m sorry,” Julie whispered, turning and hugging Raven. “I know you’re only trying to help me. But you’re wrong about Ryan. You both are. You’ll see.”
“I hope you’re right,” Raven said, hugging her back. “I really do.”
“Guys,” Andie murmured, glancing at her watch, “it’s almost nine now. Any ideas how we’re going to get Julie home by her curfew?”
Julie looked at her friends, the full impact of her situation sinking in. “My dad’s going to kill me,” she whispered. She brought a hand to her mouth. “He’s going to … he’ll—”
She started to run. Her friends ran after her, but she didn’t pause or glance back, just continued to put one foot before the other. She pictured her father, standing at the kitchen door, watch in hand. She could almost hear his lecture, his litany of criticisms and accusations. His disappointment.
The clock on Thistledown’s town square began to chime, ringing out her defeat. She wasn’t going to make it. It was too late.
Julie stopped, panting, swamped by tears. “Why am I even bothering?” She dropped to her knees, despair overwhelming her. “I’ve done it again. Screwed up again. What’s the matter with me?”
“Nothing’s the matter with you.” Andie sank to the ground beside her and patted her arm. “Come on, don’t give up. We still have a chance.”
“No, we don’t. Listen to the clock.” It chimed the ninth and final ring, the last of it vibrating a moment on the night air before leaving silence behind. “I’m dead.” She covered her face with her hands. “He’s right about me. I’m no good at all. An embarrassment. A stupid, vain—”