In Silence

“Whatever you’re having.” Avery let out a long breath and leaned her head against the sofa back, tension easing from her. She closed her eyes. Images played on the backs of her eyelids, ones from her past: her, Matt and Hunter playing while their parents barbecued in the backyard. Buddy and Lilah snapping pictures as she and Matt headed off to the prom. The two families caroling at Christmastime.

Sweet memories. Comforting ones.

“Good to be back, isn’t it?” Buddy murmured as if reading her thoughts.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Despite everything, yes.” She glanced away a moment, then back. “I wish I’d come home sooner. After Mom … I should have stayed. If I had—”

The unfinished thought hung heavily between them anyway. If she had, maybe her dad would be alive today.

Cherry returned with the wine. She crossed to Avery; handed her a glass of the pale gold liquid. “What are your plans?”

“First order of business is a service for Dad. I called Danny Gallagher this afternoon. We’re meeting tomorrow after lunch.”

“How long are you staying?” Cherry sat on the other end of the couch, curling her legs under her.

“I took a leave of absence from the Post, because I just don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I haven’t a clue how long it will take to go through Dad’s things, get the house ready to sell.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

At Matt’s voice, Avery looked up. He stood in the doorway to the living room, head cocked as he gazed at her, expression amused. He’d exchanged his uniform for blue jeans and a soft chambray shirt. He held a bouquet of fresh flowers.

“Brought Mom some posies,” he said. “She in the kitchen?”

“You know Mom.” Cherry crossed to him and kissed his cheek. “Dad’s already complained about the dearth of grandchildren around here. Remind me to be late next time.”

Matt met Avery’s eyes and grinned. “Glad I missed it. Though I’ll no doubt catch the rerun later.”

Buddy scowled at his two children. “No grandbabies and no respect.” He looked toward the kitchen. “Lilah,” he bellowed, “where did we go wrong with these kids?”

Lilah poked her head out of the kitchen. “For heaven’s sake, Buddy, leave the children alone.” She turned her attention to her son. “Hello, Matt. Are those for the table?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He ambled across to her, kissed her cheek and handed her the flowers. “Something smells awfully good.”

“Come, help me with the roast.” She turned to her daughter. “Cherry, could you put these in a vase for me?”

Avery watched the exchange. She could have been a part of this family. Officially a part. Everyone had expected her and Matt to marry.

Buddy interrupted her thoughts. “Have you considered staying?” he asked. “This is your home, Avery. You belong here.”

She dragged her gaze back to his, uncertain how to answer. Yes, she had come home to take care of specific family business, but less specifically, she had come for answers. For peace of mind—not only about her father’s death, but about her own life.

Truth was, she had been drifting for a while now, neither happy nor unhappy. Vaguely dissatisfied but uncertain why.

“Do I, Buddy? Always felt like the one marching to a different drummer.”

“Your daddy thought so.”

Tears swamped her. “I miss him so much.”

“I know, baby girl.” A momentary, awkward silence fell between them. Buddy broke it first. “He never got over your mother’s death. The way she died. He loved her completely.”

She’d been behind the wheel when she suffered a stroke, on her way to meet her cousin who’d flown into New Orleans. For a week of girl time—shopping and dining and shows. She had careened across the highway, into a brick wall.

A sound from the doorway drew her gaze. Lilah stood there, expression stricken. Matt and Cherry stood behind her. “It was so … awful. She called me the night before she left. She hadn’t been feeling well, she said. She had run her symptoms by Phillip, had wondered if she shouldn’t cancel her trip. He had urged her to go. Nothing was wrong with her that a week away wouldn’t cure. I don’t think he ever forgave himself for that.”

“He thought he should have known,” Buddy murmured. “Thought that if he hadn’t been paying closer attention to his patients’ health than to his own wife’s, he could have saved her.”

Avery clasped her shaky hands together. “I didn’t know. I … he mentioned feeling responsible, but I—”

She had chosen to pacify him. To assure him none of it was his fault.

Then go on her merry way.

Matt moved around his mother and came to stand behind her chair. He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Avery,” he said softly. “It’s not.”

She reached up and curled her fingers around his, grateful for the support. “Matt said Dad had been acting strangely. That he had withdrawn from everyone and everything. But still I … how could he have done what he did?”

“When I heard how he did it,” Cherry said quietly, “I wasn’t surprised. I think you can love someone so much you do something … unbelievable because of it. Something tragic.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the group. Avery tried to speak but found she couldn’t for the knot of tears in her throat.

Buddy, bless him, took over. He turned to Lilah. “Dinner ready, sugar-sweet?”

“It is.” Lilah all but jumped at the opportunity to turn their attention to the mundane. “And getting cold.”

“Let’s get to it, then,” Buddy directed.

They made their way to the dining room and sat. Buddy said the blessing, then the procession of bowls and platters began, passed as they always had been at the Stevenses’ supper table from right to left.

Avery went through the motions. She ate, commented on the food, joined in story swapping. But her heart wasn’t in it. Nor was anyone else’s, that was obvious to her. As was how hard they were trying to make it like it used to be. How hard they were wanting to comfort with normalcy.

But how could anything be normal ever again? In years gone by, her parents had sat with her at this table. She, Matt and Hunter would have been clustered together, whispering or joking.

She missed Hunter, Avery realized. She felt the lack of his presence keenly.

Hunter had been the most intellectual of the group. Not the most intelligent, because both he and Matt had sailed through school, neither having to crack a book to maintain an A average, both scoring near-perfect marks on their SATs.

But Hunter had possessed a sharp, sarcastic wit. He’d been incapable of the silliness the rest of them had sometimes wallowed in. He had often been the voice of wry reason in whatever storm was brewing.

She hadn’t been surprised to hear he had become a successful lawyer. Between his keen mind and razor-sharp tongue, he’d no doubt consistently decimated the opposition.

She brought him up as Lilah served the pie. “Matt tells me that Hunter’s moved back to Cypress Springs. I’d hoped he would be here tonight.”

Silence fell around the table. Avery shifted her gaze from one face to the next. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Buddy cleared his throat. “Of course not, baby girl. It’s just that Hunter’s had some troubles lately. Lost his partnership in the New Orleans law firm. Was nearly disbarred, from what I hear. Moved back here about ten months ago.”

“I don’t know why he bothered,” Matt added. “For all the time he spends with his family.”