The Eye of Dread

Amalia was not guarded; she was lavish with her interest in all he said, and in her quick, responsive, and poetic play of fancy–ardent and glowing–glad to give out from her soul its best to this man who had befriended her father in their utmost need and who had saved her own and her mother’s life. She knew always when a cloud gathered over his spirit, and made it her duty to dispel such mists of some possible sad memory by turning his thoughts to whatever of beauty she found around them, or in the inspiration of her own rich nature.

To avoid disquieting her by the studied guardedness of his manner, Harry employed himself as much of the time as possible away from the cabin, often in providing game for the winter. Larry Kildene had instructed him how to cure and dry the meat and to store it and also how to care for the skins, but because of the effect of that sight of the bloody sheep’s pelt on Amalia, he never showed her a poor little dead creature, or the skin of one. He brought her mother whatever they required of food, carefully prepared, and that was all.

He constructed a chair for her and threw over it furs from Larry Kildene’s store, making it soft and comfortable thereby. He made also a footstool for the hurt ankle to rest upon, and found a beautiful lynx skin with which to cover her feet. The back of the chair he made high, and hinged it with leather to the seat, arranging it so that by means of pegs it might be raised or lowered. Without lumber, and with the most simple tools, he sawed and hewed the logs, and lacking nails he set it together with pegs, but what matter? It was comfortable, and in the making of it he eased his heart by expressing his love without sorrowful betrayal.

Amalia laughed as she sat in it, one day, close to the open door, because the air was too pinching cold for her to be out. She laughed as she put her hands in the soft fur and drew her fingers through it, and looked up in Harry’s face.

“You are thinking me so foolish, yes, to have about me the skins of poor little killed beasts? Yet I weeped all those tears on your coat because to see the other–yes,–hanging beside the door. It is so we are–is not?”

“I’m glad enough you’re not consistent. It would be a blot on your character.”

“But for why, Mr. ’Arry?”

“Oh, I couldn’t stand it.”

Again she laughed. “How it is very peculiar–that reason you give. Not to stand it! Could you then to sit it?” But Harry only laughed and looked away from her. She laid her face against the soft fur. “Good little animals–to give me your life. But some time you would die–perhaps with sorrow of hunger and age, and the life be for nothing. This is better.”

“There you’re right. Let me draw you back in the room and close the door. It will freeze to-night, I’m thinking.”

“Oh, not yet, please! I have yet to see the gloryful sky of the west. Last evening how it was beautiful! To-night it will be more lovely to look upon for the long line of little cloud there on which the red of the sun will burn like fire in the heaven over the mountain.”

“You must enjoy the beauty, Amalia, and then pray that there may be no snow. It looks like it, and we want the snow to hold off until Larry comes back.”

“We pray, always, my mamma and I. She that he come back quickly, and me–I pray that he come back safely–but to be soon–it is such terror to me.”

“Larry will find a way out of the difficulty. He will have an excuse all thought out for your mother. I am more anxious about the snow with a sunset sky like that, but I don’t know anything about this region.”

“Mr. ’Arry, so very clever you are in making things, can you help me to one more thing? I like very much to have the sticks for lame walking,–what you call–the crutch? Yes. I have for so long time spoken only the Polish that I forget me greatly the English. You must talk to me much, and make me reproof of my mistakes. Do you know for why I like the crutch? It is that I would go each day–many times to see the water fall down. Ah, how that is beautiful! In the sun, or early in the morning, or in the night, always beautiful!”

“You shall have the crutches, Amalia, and until I get them made, I will carry you to the fall each day. Come, I will take you there now. I will wrap these furs around you, and you shall see the fall in the evening light.”

“No, ’Arry King. To-morrow I will try to ride on the horse if you will lift me up on him. I will let you do this. But you may not carry me as you have done. I am now so strong. You may make me the crutch, yes.” Of all things he wished her to let him carry her to the fall, but her refusal was final, and he set about making the crutches immediately.

Through the evening he worked on them, and at nightfall the next day he brought them to her. As he came down from his shed, carrying the crutches proudly, he heard sweet, quavering tones in the air wafted intermittently. The wind was still, and through the evening hush the tones strengthened as he drew nearer the cabin, until they seemed to wrap him in a net of interwoven cadences and fine-spun threads of quivering melody–a net of sound, inclosing his spirit in its intricate mesh of sweetness.

He paused and breathed deeply, and turned this way and that, as if he would escape but found no way; then he walked slowly on. At the door of the cabin he paused again. The firelight shone through from underneath, and a fine thread of golden light sifted through the latch of the door and fell on the hand that held Amalia’s crutches. He looked down on the spot of light dancing over his hand as if he were dazed by it. Very gently he laid the crutches across the threshold, and for a long time stood without, listening, his head bowed as if he were praying.

It was her father’s violin, the one she had wept at leaving behind her. What was she playing? Strange, old-world melodies they seemed, tossed into the air, now laughing, now wailing like sorrowing women voices. Oh, the violin in her hands! Oh, the rapture of hearing it, as her soul vibrated through it and called to him–called to him!–But he would not hear the call. He turned sorrowfully and went down again to the shed and there he lay upon his face and clasped his hands above his head and whispered her name. It was as if his heart were beating itself against prison walls and the clasped hands were stained with blood.

He rose next morning, haggard and pale. The snow was falling–falling–softly and silently. It fell like lead upon his heart, so full of anxiety was he for the good friend who might even then be climbing up the trail. Madam Manovska observed his drawn face, and thought he suffered only from anxiety and tried to comfort him. Amalia also attempted to cover her own anxiety by assurances that the good St. Christopher who watches over travelers would protect Larry Kildene, because he knew so well how many dangers there were, and that he, who had carried the Christ with all his burden of sorrows could surely keep “Sir Kildene” even through the snows of winter. In spite of an inherent and trained disbelief in all supposed legends, especially as tenets of faith, Harry felt himself comforted by her talk, yet he could not forbear questioning her as to her own faith in them.

“Do you truly believe all that, Amalia?”

“All–that–? Of what–Mr. ’Arry?” She seemed truly mystified.

“I mean those childish legends of the saints you often quote?”

Amalia laughed. “You think I have learn them of the good sisters in my convent, and is no truth in them?”

“Why–I guess that’s about it. Did your father believe them?”

“Maybe no. But my father was ‘devoué’–very–but he had a very wide thought of God and man–a thought reaching far out–to–I find it very hard to explain. If but you understood the French, I could tell you–but for me, I have my father’s faith and it makes me glad to play in my heart with these legends–as you call them.”

He gave her a quick, appealing glance, then turned his gaze away. “Try to explain. Your English is beautiful.”

“If you eat your breakfast, then will I try.”

“Yes, yes, I will. You say he had faith reaching far out–to where–to what?”

“He said there would never be rest in all the universe until we find everywhere God,–living–creating–moving forever in the–the–all.” She held out her hands and extended her arms in an encompassing movement indescribably full of grace.

“You mean he was a pantheist?”

“Oh, no, no. That is to you a horror, I see, but it was not that.” She laughed again, so merrily that Harry laughed, too. But still he persisted, “Amalia–never mind what your father thought; tell me your own faith.”

Then she grew grave, “My faith is–just–God. In the all. Seeing–feeling–knowing–with us–for us–never away–in the deep night of sorrow–understanding. In the far wilderness–hearing. In the terror and remorse of the heart–when we weep for sin–loving. It is only one thing in all the world to learn, and that is to learn all things, just to reach out the mind, and touch God–to find his love in the heart and so always live in the perfect music of God. That is the wonderful harmony–and melody–and growth–of each little soul–and of all peoples, all worlds,–Oh, it is the universe of love God gives to us.”

For a while they were silent, and Madam Manovska began to move about the cabin, setting the things in order. She did not seem to have taken any interest in their talk. Harry rose to go, but first he looked in Amalia’s eyes.

“The perfect Music of God?” He said the words slowly and questioningly.

“You understand my meaning?”

“I can’t say. Do you?”

She quickly snatched up her violin which lay within reach of her arm. “I can better show you.” She drew a long chord, then from it wandered into a melody, sweet and delicate; then she drew other chords, and on into other melodies, all related; then she began to talk again. “It is only on two strings I am playing–for hear? the others are now souls out of the music of God–listen–” she drew her bow across the discordant strings. “How that is terrible! So God creates great and beautiful laws–” she went back into the harmony and perfect melody, and played on, now changing to the discordant strain, and back, as she talked–“and gives to all people power to understand, but not through weakness–but through longing and searching with big earnestness of purpose, and much desire. Who has no care and desire for the music of God, strikes always those wrong notes, and all suffer as our ears suffer with the bad sounds. So it is, through long desiring, and living, always a little and a little more perceiving, reaching out the hand to touch in love our brothers and sisters on the earth,–always with patience learning to find in our own souls the note that strikes in harmony with the great thought of God–and thus we understand and live in the music of God. Ah, it is hard for me to say it–but it is as if our souls are given wings–wings–that reach–from the gold of the sun–even to the earth at our feet, and we float upon that great harmony of love like upon a wonderful upbearing sea, and never can we sink, and ever all is well–for we live in the thought of God.”

“Amalia–Amalia–How about sin, and the one who–kills–and the ones who hate–and the little children brought into the world in sin–” Harry’s voice trembled, and he bowed his head in his hands.

“Never is anything lost. They are the ones who have not yet learned–they have not found the key to God’s music. Those who find must quickly help and give and teach the little children–the little children find so easily the key–but to all the strings making horrible discord on the earth–we dare not shut our ears and hide–so do the sweet, good sisters in the convent. They do their little to teach the little children, but it is always to shut their ears. But the Christ went out in the world, not with hands over his ears, but outreached to his brothers and sisters on the earth. But my father–my father! He turned away from the church, because he saw they had not found the true key to God’s music–or I mean they kept it always hid, and covered with much–how shall I say–with much drapery–and golden coverings, that the truth–that is the key–was lost to sight. It was for this my father quarreled with–all that he thought not the truth. He believed to set his people free both from the world’s oppression and from their own ignorance, and give to them a truth uncovered. Oh, it set his old friends in great discord more than ever–for they could not make thus God’s music. And so they rose up and threw him in prison, and all the terrible things came upon him–of the world. My mother must have been very able through love to drag him free from them, even if they did pursue. It was the conflict of discord he felt all his life, and now he is free.”

Suddenly the mother’s deep tones sounded through the cabin with a finality that made them both start. “Yes. Now he is free–and yet will he bring them to–know. We wait for him here. No more must he go to Poland. It is not the will of God.”

Still Harry was not satisfied. “But if you think all these great thoughts–and you do–I can’t see how you can quote those legends as if you thought them true.”

“I quote them, yes, because I love them, and their poetry. Through all beauty–all sweetness–all strength–God brings to us his thought. This I believe. I believe the saints lived and were holy and good, loving the great brotherhood. Why may not they be given the work of love still to do? It is all in the music of God, that they live, and make happy, and why should I believe that it is now taken from them to do good? Much that I think lies deep in my heart, and I cannot tell it in words.”

“Nor can I. But my thoughts–” For an instant Amalia, looking at him, saw in his face the same look of inward fear–or rather of despair that had appalled Larry, but it went as quickly as it appeared, and she wondered afterward if she had really seen it, or if it was a strange trick of the firelight in the windowless cabin.

“And your thoughts, Mr. ’Arry?”

“They are not to be told.” Again he rose to go, and stood and looked down on her, smiling. “I see you have already tried the crutches.”

“Yes. I found them in the snow, before the door. How I got there? I did hop. It was as if the good angels had come in the night. I wake and something make me all glad–and I go to the door to look at the whiteness, and then I am sorry, because of Sir Kildene, then I see before me–while that I stand on one foot, and hop–hop–hop–so, I see the crutch lie in the snow. Oh, Mr. ’Arry, now so pale you are! It is that you have worked in the night to make them–Is not? That is sorrowful to me. But now will I do for you pleasant things, because I can move to do them on these, where before I must always sit still–still–Ah, how that is hard to do! One good thing comes to me of this hurt. It makes the old shoes to last longer. How is it never to wear out shoes? Never to walk in them.”

Harry laughed. “We’ll have to make you some moccasins.”

“And what is moccasins? Ah, yes, the Indian shoe. I like them well, so soft they must be, and so pretty with the beads. I have seen once such shoes on one little Indian child. Her mother made them.”