The Notorious Mrs. Wright

Twenty or so kitchen assistants crowded the door, but were wise enough to stay out of Santiago’s reach.

“¡Basta ya! I will wring your skinny neck! I will chop you into pieces and serve you with garlic sauce.”

“Call the cops!” Houdini said, and flew to the top of a shelf across the room. “¡Como quieras!”

“I’ll make your day,” Santiago vowed, grabbing hold of the support and trying to shake the bird down. “I will make this your last day. ¡Madre del amor de dios! ¡Este es un manicomio!”

Emma rushed forward. “Tom’s on his way to catch him, Santiago. Please, put down the knife before you accidentally hurt yourself or someone else.”

“Susan, you said this would not happen again. You promised Santiago.”

“I know, and I’m very sorry. We’ve been keeping the upper door on the stairway closed. He must have come down on the dumbwaiter.”

“Yes, and last week it was that…that giant lizard riding up and down.”

Oh, great. She hadn’t known about that. “Tom’s iguana was down here?”

“Yes. Santiago open door to get dirty dishes, and is hissed at. Heart nearly stop.”

“I’m sorry. He probably got a little scared. Rambo’s usually very gentle.”

“But I do not like this…Rambo. And that one—” he pointed the cleaver at the bird “—I hate. He is menace. Santiago cook him like squab, ¿no? Stuff him with bread crumbs and almonds.”

Houdini did his imitation of a police emergency siren, then bullets firing. “Hold it, scumbag,” he said. “¡Policía!”

“¡Maldición!” Santiago cursed. “Do you hear? He mocks me.”

“He isn’t mocking you,” Emma explained, gently taking the weapon from his hand. She slipped it behind her back to Abby. “Houdini mimics sounds and phrases he hears, and it doesn’t matter what language they’re in. He gets lonely when we’re not home, so Tom leaves the TV or the radio on for him. He’s hooked on police dramas this month. Last month it was old comedies.”

“Birds and lizards do not belong in kitchen.”

“I agree.”

“Birds inside are…how you say…un presagio malo. Bad omen.”

“I promise Tom will fix both cages this weekend so the bird and the lizard can’t bother you again. All right? Am I forgiven?”

“Hmph! Must give thought.”

Houdini shrieked an ear-splitting “Dial nine-one-one” and Emma was tempted to get the cleaver back from Abby and use it on the bird herself.

Thankfully, Tom came in and relieved her of the need. He climbed the shelf, spoke a few calming words and Houdini immediately hopped onto his hand.

“I’m really sorry, Santiago,” Tom said when he was back on the floor. “There’s a board propped against the door of the cage and a rock holding it in place, but I guess he knocked it loose or found another way out.”

“It is all right, Tom. Santiago was not so very upset.”

Behind Emma, Abby let out a strangled cough of disbelief. “I’d hate to see him when he is upset,” she whispered in Emma’s ear.

Emma tried to keep a straight face. She turned her head and gave Abby a warning look.

Turning back to Santiago, she made a peace offering. “We can lock the dumbwaiter, if that would help. I don’t mind cooking for Tom. You’re sweet to send up dinner, but I can take care of it.”

Santiago glanced at Tom. Emma thought she saw something pass between them, some private message she wasn’t privy to.

“No, no, Susan. Santiago does not mind making plate for Tom when he asks. Tom is good boy.”

“Are you sure? He can always come down here to eat. Or I can cook for him.”

“No, is okay. Tom promise to keep bird in cage. Santiago fix dinner and send upstairs when Tom want.”

“Thank you. That’s very sweet of you.”

The crisis over, Santiago and his helpers returned to work. Abby, Emma and Tom walked through the kitchen to the hallway.

“You’ve got to make sure both Houdini and Rambo stay upstairs,” Emma warned her son. “Or we’ll have to give them away. Understand?”

“But Mom—”

“No buts. It’s unsanitary for Houdini to even be on this floor, much less near the kitchen.” She began to stroke the bird’s breast, but jerked back her finger when he tried to nip it.

“I’ll make sure they don’t get out again.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” She reached up and lovingly mussed his hair. He’d shot up like a weed this summer and had gotten so handsome. “Go on. Your boss will be wondering what happened to you. And be sure to close the upstairs door.”

“Don’t forget I’m going to Tony’s after work and staying over there tonight.”

“Will his parents be home?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, his parents will be home.”

“Okay, but if you go out, curfew is still midnight.”

“Ah, Mom, nobody my age comes in at midnight! Aunt Abby, tell her, will ya?”

Abby held up her hands. “Sorry, Tom. I’m staying out of this one.”

“Be back at the Parkers’ on time,” Emma told him. “I’m trusting you.”

“Oh, okay,” he grumbled with the kind of long, exaggerated sigh that only a teenager can make. “Are you gonna let me take scuba lessons with Mr. Parker? You promised to think about it.”

“I don’t know, Tom. We’ll talk this week.”

“I’ll pay for them myself.”

“We’ll see.”

“Mr. Parker’s got extra equipment and stuff. I wouldn’t have to buy any. And he’s giving me a great discount.”