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Stalker
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“Maybe I’ll have the pastrami on rye,” Hayley said. “Do you like pastrami, Cindy?”
“I love pastrami.”
“Now I’m not touching that!” Rhonda said. “Talk about fat.”
“That’s no good,” Hayley said. “If you want to split, Ro, I’ll take something else. How about ham and cheese?” She turned to Cindy. “You like ham and cheese?”
“Not really. I don’t eat ham. I’m Jewish.”
“Oh …” Hayley thought for a moment. “So you’re kosher?”
“No, I’m not kosher, I just don’t eat ham. We never had it growing up. Although sometimes we did have bacon.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know.” She shrugged.
Hayley said, “So if I had a club, you’d split that?”
“Yeah, I’d split that.”
“And that’s okay with you, Ro?”
“What’s in a club?”
“Turkey, bacon, and avocado.”
“Skip the avocado. It’s not that I don’t like avocado.” She patted her sizable middle. “It doesn’t like me.”
Hayley pouted. “But that’s the best part.”
“All right, so keep the avocado.”
Cindy said, “What are we ordering? I’m confused.”
“I’ll handle it.” Hayley motioned Jasmine over. She said, “A beef dip with extra onions and lots of gravy, French fries and slaw, a turkey dip with extra cranberries, mashed potatoes instead of stuffing, and slaw, and a club on toasted rye, half with avocado, half plain.”
“You want fries with that, Marx?”
“Yeah, you can give me fries.”
“Refill on the wine?”
“Yeah.”
“Another Miller Lite for you, hon?”
Cindy thought a moment. “Better make it a Diet Coke.”
“Why?” Hayley asked. “How many beers have you had?”
“I just finished number three. I’m okay, but let’s not tempt the booze fairy.”
“I’m also on number three.” Hayley made a face. “Make mine a Diet Coke, too.”
“Got it.” Jasmine looked over the order, then at Cindy. “Which order is yours?”
“Why?” Hayley asked.
“Because hers is on the house.”
Rhonda and Hayley started hooting.
“Why?” Cindy smiled. “What’s so funny?”
Hayley said, “Doogle is at it again.”
“Who is Doogle?”
“The horny leprechaun who owns the place.”
Jasmine said, “Don’t listen to them, honey. They’re just jealous. Now what’s your order?”
“What is my order?” Cindy asked the others. “The beef dip?”
“What’s the most expensive item we have?” Rhonda asked.
“The club.”
“Hers is the club.”
Jasmine laughed. “You guys!” She turned and walked away.
Cindy said, “Who is this Doogle?”
“A very little man.” Hayley marked about two feet off the ground with her hand. “Hits on all the women.”
“On cops?”
“On anything with a moo-moo,” Rhonda said.
“A moo-moo?”
Hayley said, “He could suck my pussy standing up if I’d let him.”
“How tall is he?”
“’Bout five three. Maybe fifty years old—”
