The Mum Who’d Had Enough: A laugh out loud romantic comedy perfect for fans of Why Mummy Drinks

‘Let me show you.’ On my own guitar, I start to play a riff, aware of Flynn’s gradually flattening expression, his mouth setting in a firm line. I stop and look at him. ‘That was Chuck Berry. You can hear how he played about with the timing, the emphasis – that’s what gave him that unique sound—’

‘Dad,’ Flynn interrupts, placing his own guitar carefully on the sofa beside him.

‘Hang on, Flynn …’ I start playing some more. It’s helping a little, focusing on the music. Helping me to not fixate on Sinead, just for a few moments …

‘Dad!’ he barks. I stop, taken aback by his abruptness. ‘Look, um …’ He shuffles uneasily. ‘D’you mind if we don’t do this?’

I look at him. ‘You mean, try out this Chuck Berry riff?’

Flynn’s eyes seem to harden. ‘Well, yeah. I mean, why would I want to play like Chuck Berry?’

‘Because he’s one of the greats,’ I reply with a frown. ‘A big influence on Springsteen, actually. He even covered some of his songs. Hang on a sec …’ I place my guitar to one side, and get up with the intention of fetching my laptop.

‘Dad, please,’ Flynn cries after me. ‘No YouTube clips of old dead guys!’

I swing round to face him. ‘He not just any old dead guy. He was a major innovator—’

‘Yeah, I know who he is. I mean, was. Max’s dad’s got a record of his, that awful song … what’s it called again?’

I shrug, genuinely confused.

Flynn smirks. ‘I remember. “My Ding-a-Ling” …’

‘Oh, that,’ I retort. ‘That was just a stupid comedy record—’

‘Yeah, about his dick—’

‘Flynn!’

My son’s gaze meets mine, challenging me. Was he ever so belligerent when Sinead was here? I’m sure there were occasions, but I can’t recall any right now.

‘What’s up with saying “dick”?’ he asks, clearly pushingboundaries.

‘Nothing, I suppose,’ I mutter. ‘But it’s a bit unnecessary. Okay, shall we try that Stones riff instead—’

‘Well, that’s what the song’s about, isn’t it?’ he rants on. ‘Max’s dad was playing it when he was drunk one night. He was a pervert. He put spy cameras in women’s loos—’

‘Max’s dad?’ I exclaim.

‘No, Chuck-fucking-Berry!’

‘Okay, okay,’ I exclaim, deciding not to tick him off about unnecessary language on this occasion, although it’s definitely out of order, coming straight after ‘dick’ a few seconds ago. I have a swearing limit and he’s definitely topped it. However, things are heated enough as it is. Pick your battles, I’ve always believed, and I know everyone swears these days. The c-word seems to be as commonly used as ‘hello’ or, ‘how are you?’, not that I’m a fan of it being tossed about like confetti. But I try to be easy-going and liberal, often thinking, Christ – hasn’t my son had enough to deal with in life without me lambasting him over trivialities?

‘C’mon,’ I add, ‘we can play something else. This is supposed to be fun, not an ordeal for you.’ He wrinkles his nose at me, as if I have suggested a game of Ludo. ‘How about trying that finger picking again?’ I soldier on. ‘You were doing really well with that …’ He was too, by which I mean no onlooker would even guess he had any issues with his fine motor movements.

Flynn gets up and grabs his guitar by the neck, and for one split-second I wonder if he is going to bash me on the head with it. ‘Look, Dad, what I’m trying to tell you is – if you’d listen – I don’t want to do this anymore.’

You don’t listen to me. Will I soon be presented with a list of my faults from my son, too? Well, why not? Might as well make it a family game.

‘What are you saying?’ I ask hollowly. ‘You can’t just give up, Flynn. You’re so good!’

‘No, I mean—’

‘I know it gets frustrating,’ I barge in, ‘and you can feel like you’re not making much progress. But honestly, you have real talent—’

‘Dad,’ he says firmly, shaking his head, ‘what I mean is, I want to stop playing guitar with you.’

I blink at Flynn. Something cold and hard seems to clamp itself around my heart. He stands there, glaring at me in disdain, as if he can hardly believe I was fifty per cent responsible for his existence. He is gripping his favourite instrument, the one that cost us a fortune for his fifteenth birthday, after I’d managed to persuade Sinead that it really was the best choice for him. But he only tried it out for ten minutes, she hissed, as the three of us left the music store in Leeds.

Sometimes, I told her, it’s instant. You just know.

Love at first sight? she said with a laugh.

I clear my throat and try to pull myself together. ‘So, you, uh, don’t want me to teach you anymore?’

‘Yeah,’ he says, with a tone that borders on the callous. ‘I mean, no. No, I don’t. Is that all right, Dad?’

‘Er, yes, of course it is,’ I reply, ‘if that’s what you’ve decided. So, er, d’you want to learn from someone else?’

‘No, I just want to play,’ Flynn says emphatically. ‘I just want to do my own thing with Max, Luke and Si and the others, know what I mean?’

‘But you do your own thing now … ’

Flynn’s nostrils seem to flare. ‘Yeah, but that’s all I want to do. I don’t want to sit here, learning your things …’

‘They’re not my things!’

‘Dad, you know what I mean. It’s not a big deal, is it? C’mon.’ He hoists a small smile, as if I am a child whose balloon has just slipped from his hand and floated away. Then he shrugs and saunters off to his room.

I know I should leave it at that. I should accept that, at sixteen years old – with his mother recently departed from our home – he is fully entitled to continue to progress, or not progress, however he pleases. He can never learn another damn thing, if that’s what he wants! But instead, I follow him upstairs and loom in his bedroom doorway.

‘What is it?’ he asks.

I clear my parched throat. ‘So, er, you really don’t want me to teach you anymore? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Yeah. I explained that already, Dad.’

I shrug, feeling ridiculous. ‘But I mean … isn’t it quite handy that I’m here, and available, and we can just do stuff whenever you’re in the mood?’ And I can adapt techniques according to your abilities? I want to add, but of course, I don’t.

‘I don’t really want to anymore.’

‘But why not? I thought you enjoyed it. I thought, you know, it was our thing …’ My voice wavers. Oh, God. How needy do I sound now?

‘Just leave it, would you?’ Flynn mumbles, picking at his fingernails.

And then I must really lose it, as I snap at my beloved boy: ‘Suit your bloody self then. But don’t come running to me when you can’t figure out a G minor seventh!’

What a jerk.