Gold Coast Angels: Two Tiny Heartbeats

She thought briefly of Mark, her midwifery colleague already settled in Boston at his new job, a good-time guy with big plans. Their actions had been a silly impulse, regrettable but with no bad feelings, more a connection between two euphoric graduates than any kind of meeting of souls.

They’d both been sheepish after the event. The whole ‘do you want coffee, can I use your bathroom’, morning-after conversation that had made it very clear neither had felt the earth move—friends who should never have been lovers.

Dr Kefes broke into her thoughts and she blinked. ‘If you are going to think about your options you don’t have much time. In fact, you may not have any.’

Think about what? Terminating her babies that she’d heard? Seen? Was now totally aware of? She didn’t know what she was going to do but she couldn’t do that.

‘Do they look healthy? Are they identical?’ From what she’d learned about twin pregnancies there’d be more risk with identical twins than fraternal and already that was a worry.

‘Looks to be one placenta but it’s hard to tell. Early days, to be sure. They look fine.’ His accent elongated the word fine and her attention zoned in on something non-traumatic—almost soothing—but he was forging on and she needed to pay attention. ‘Both babies are equal size. Nothing out of the ordinary I can see.’ He smiled and she was distracted for a second again from the whole tragedy. He was a serious darling, this guy. Then his words sank in.

Relief flooded over her. Her babies were fine. Relief?

She didn’t know how she would manage. Certainly with no help from her own mother—how on earth would she tell her?—but she would manage. And no way was she going to blame her babies like her mother had always blamed her for ruining her life.

But that was for home. For quiet, intense thought. And she’d held this kind man up enough with her sudden drama that had blown out of all proportion into a life-changing event. Events.

She was having twins.

Holy cow.

On the first day of her new job.

She had no idea where to start with planning her life but she’d better get on with it. ‘Thank you.’

Nikolai removed the transducer and nodded. As he wiped her belly he watched in awe as this slip of a girl digested her news with fierce concentration.

She was thanking him?

Well, he guessed she knew a lot more than she had half an hour ago because of him. And she seemed to be holding together pretty well. He thought of his sister again and his protective instincts kicked in. He didn’t stop to think why he felt more involved than usual. But it was all a bit out of left field. ‘Will you be all right?’

He wasn’t sure what he’d do if she said no, and as he caught her eye, her delightful mouth curved into a smile and he saw her acknowledge that.

‘Not a lot we can do if I’m not, is there?’ She sat up and he helped her climb down. ‘But, yes, I’ll be fine. Eventually.’

He thought of his sister and the disastrous decisions she’d made in the heat of her terrifying moment all those years ago. And the ramifications now.

He thought of this woman under the care of a less-than-proficient practitioner like his sister had been, and his mind rebelled with startling force. ‘I realise it’s early, but if you’d like me to care for you through your pregnancy, I’d be happy to. There’d be no additional cost, of course.’

‘Thank you, Dr Kefes. I think I’d like that when I get used to the idea of being pregnant. That would be most reassuring.’

She straightened her scrubs and he gestured for her to sit in the office chair.

‘Wait one moment and I’ll print out a list of pathology tests I’d like you to have. The results will come to me and we’ll discuss them when they come back.’

The little unexpected catches of his accent made him seem less formidable and Lucy could feel the relief that at least she wouldn’t be cast adrift with the bombshell all alone.

She watched his long fingers fly across the keyboard as he opened a file on his desk computer. He made her feel safe, which was dumb because she was just a silly little girl who’d got herself pregnant, and she almost missed it when he asked for her full name, date of birth and residential address.

Luckily her mouth seemed to be working even if her brain wasn’t and she managed the answers without stumbling.

He stood up. Darn, that man was tall. ‘The rest we will sort out at your next visit.’

Lucy nodded, took the form, and jammed it in her bag. ‘Thank you. It’s been a huge day.’

‘Enormous for you, of course.’ Nikolai decided she still looked dazed and he resisted the urge to give her a quick hug. He would have given Chloe one but he wasn’t in the habit of hugging patients or staff.

‘And…’ he hesitated ‘…may I offer you congratulations?’

‘I guess congratulations are in order.’ She shook her head and he didn’t doubt she was only barely comprehending what her news would entail.

There was an awkward pause and he searched around for something normal to say. ‘Sister May tells me it was your first day of work. You did well and I look forward to working with you.’

He sounded patronising but had only intended to try to ease her discomfort about seeing him on the ward tomorrow.

He tried again. ‘Of course your news will remain confidential until you decide to say otherwise.’

She nodded and he saw her draw a deep breath as she faced the door. She lifted her chin and He leaned in front of her to open the door. ‘Allow me.’

He actually felt reassured. She would be fine. He now had some idea how strong this young woman really was. He would see that she and her babies remained as healthy as possible, he vowed as he watched her walk away.

But she did look heartbreakingly alone.

Lucy had always been alone.

Half an hour later she pushed open the door to her tiny cabana flat and the really bizarre thing was that it looked the same as when she’d left that morning.

It was she who’d changed. Drastically. And she was alone to face it. But then again when hadn’t she been alone to face things? Luckily she had practice at it. The upside was that in about six months’ time she’d never be alone again.

Upside? There was an upside? Where was the anxiety she should be feeling? She’d lived her whole life with that. Trying to do the right thing. She searched her feelings for anger and blame for the life-changing event that had just been confirmed, but she didn’t find any.

Why aren’t I angry with my babies? Didn’t my mother get this feeling I’m feeling now? Almost—no, not almost, definitely—a real connection with her babies. Maybe this was what she was meant to be. A mother.

But twins. Fourteen weeks pregnant was ridiculous. Her first pregnancy was going to be over in twenty-six weeks’ time, because she’d already gone through more than a third of it.

She’d better get her head around it pretty darned quick. Let alone the known fact that twins often came earlier than expected.

She guessed she’d had her official first antenatal visit with the delicious Dr Nick.

She had to snap any of those thoughts out of her brain. Not only had he been there to see her throw up but to hear her whole sordid story of a one-night stand resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. Times two.

She frowned, and her hand crept to her tiny bulge. ‘It’s okay, babies, I do want you now that I know about you, but you could have waited for a more opportune time.’

Lucy rolled her eyes. ‘Like in about ten years, when I’d found a man who wanted to be your father. Preferably after the wedding.’ Someone like Dr Kefes?

She straightened her shoulders and patted her belly. ‘But don’t worry. I’ll give you all the love I never had and there will be no string of uncles staying over. If I don’t meet a one hundred per cent perfect daddy for you, we’ll do this ourselves.’

Her voice died away and she glanced around the empty room. She was going mad already. She’d bet Dr Kefes thought she was mad.