Polly

She turned to the blackboard and began to write her name in long, sloping letters. The din continued, subsiding only temporarily when the chalk grated at a particular point on the board. It was like the volume being switched off. And then switched on, twice as loud, immediately after. She turned back to the class.

‘Quiet, please.’

Did she say something?

Dunno. Couldn’t hear it if she did.

Bet those teeth are capped.

Yeah. And those boobs are definitely plastic.

‘Ladies,’ she tried, ‘quiet?’

Ha! We’ve got her, she’s cracking.

Come on, let’s all hum.

Yeah! And sway slightly.

‘Per-lease!’

Jen turned back to the blackboard and stared at her name. Amazingly, the volume was cranked up a further two notches. Brainwave. She took a deep breath and then dragged her fingernails across the blackboard (capped teeth were impermeable to the screech) before spinning on her heels. The class, still soothing their jaws with their hands, were silent; momentarily at least. Fixing her eyes on the clock at the back of the classroom, Jen spoke from the pit of her stomach in deep, curdling tones.

‘Shut. The fuck. Up.’

8.40 a.m.

Respect!

‘Don’t you ever, EVER make me swear again,’ she told thirty pairs of awestruck eyes.

FIVE

‘Kate, please may I use the phone?’ asked Polly.

‘Sure,’ said Kate and, disconcerted by Polly’s sludge-green eyes, she placed a wand of raw spaghetti between the pages of her book and discreetly left the kitchen as if she had been just about to anyway.

‘Hullo?’

‘Dom?’

‘Hullo, Pollygirl – how are you? How’s it going? What am I saying! Hold on. Max? Max! Quick! I’ll pass you over. You take care, Miss Fenton – them yankies can be wankies. Max? Max! He’s in the frigging bath, Polly. Would you believe it? Call back in five mins, yes?’

‘’Kay.’

‘Hullo?’

‘Meg?’

‘Po-lly!’

The women shrieked at each other nonsensically down the phone for a moment.

‘Max is in the bath.’

‘So I’m your second choice – charming!’

‘Dear Miss Reilly,’ soothed Polly, knowing Megan meant no mischief, ‘I’ve just finished my first full day. It’s the first chance I’ve had to use the phone. I can’t be too long – just give Max enough time to dry.’

‘How are you, girl? What’s it like?’ asked Megan while she located Polly on the school photograph and stroked her with her little finger. ‘Is it incredible? Have you met Tom Cruise yet?’

‘Yes,’ said Polly, ‘and no.’

‘Anyone who looks remotely like him? Brad Pitt, at a scrape?’

‘No,’ said Polly, ‘and no. Or not that I’ve met so far, I’m afraid. There might be, but I’m jet lagged beyond belief. Do you know, this place, Meg, is so, so beautiful. There’s so much space for the children – in class and out. Guess how many I have in a class?’

‘Can’t! Tell!’

‘No. More. Than. Twelve.’

‘Jee—’

‘And they’re all impeccably behaved. They’re even quiet before class!’

‘—zus. No wonder That Carter Woman looks so shell-shocked.’

‘Everything OK?’

‘If you call Upper Four OK.’

‘Say no more. What was for lunch today?’

‘Lunch? Pie and mash, or mashed ratatouille and mash. And some clumpy pink mash for pud.’

‘Do you know what I had? Ask me!’

‘I say, Miss Fenton, what did you have for lunch?’

‘I had Caesar Salad with a selection of cold cuts and a freshly baked roll.’

‘Stop, stop – that’s just not on.’

‘Well, I could have had vegetable burritos, if that makes you feel any better.’

‘No it bloody doesn’t.’

‘Or there again, chicken papardelle with tarragon cream. The Federal Government subsidizes the food while making guidelines about fat content and protein quotas.’