Why is it that you mention Las Vegas to any man aged between 20 and 40 and he starts shouting ‘Vegas’ like a fratboy on spring break?
‘Aw, it’s so cute that you think you’re allowed to go to Vegas for your stag,’ says Sophie tenderly.
‘Vegas,’ whispers Dave hopefully.
I laugh, and he grins at me.
‘I’m having a low-key hen, with a fireman stripper, blow-up penises and L-plates,’ says Sophie. She’s joking, obviously. That’s her worst nightmare. She’s banned us from organising any kind of hen night.
‘Fucking hell, this wedding is just cliché after cliché,’ snaps Bella.
The table falls silent. Ollie gets up and walks inside without saying anything.
There’s a pause. Sophie stares into space. She’s pretending she’s not here. But I’m furious, and I can’t hold it in any longer. How dare Bella take her mood out on my poor sister?
‘What the fuck is your problem?’ I say. She looks at me unblinkingly, then slowly gets up and follows him inside. I shake my head to myself. What a cow.
‘Love on the rocks!’ shouts Dave. He turns to me conspiratorially. ‘It’s a Neil Diamond song. Love on the rocks, ain’t no surprise . . . pour me a drink and I’ll tell you some lies . . .’
‘Shut up, Dave,’ says Luke. He looks upset.
‘To be honest, I’m not surprised it’s not working. Bella lives in Bath, for fuck’s sake,’ says Dave amiably. ‘You know, I realised recently I don’t trust anyone who lives outside of London. In fact I don’t trust anyone who lives outside Zone 2.’
‘Then you’re a prat,’ says Vix. Dave grins at her.
The sound of angry shouting drifts from the kitchen. We all fall silent and listen, but I can’t make out any words other than ‘I’m sick of you—’ and ‘I’ve had enough of this bullshit, you never—’ and ‘I didn’t even want to—’ and then the kitchen door slams.
Sophie puts her face in her hands and starts crying. Shit. She really hates confrontation.
I quickly get up and walk over to her. ‘Honey, just ignore her. She’s a complete fucking bitch.’
‘Do you mind? She’s my sister!’ says Luke.
‘Well, get her a muzzle,’ I snap.
‘I don’t want her to come to the wedding,’ says Sophie, through her tears. ‘She’ll ruin it. I’m de-bridesmaiding her. I’d rather have Plum, anyway.’
‘Don’t talk shit!’ says Luke. ‘You do that and this wedding will implode.’
‘Fine!’ snaps Sophie through tears, and runs into the house.
Luke looks into space for a second. ‘Fuck!’ he mutters, and follows her.
There’s a very tense silence at the table again. JimmyJames and Vix start giggling slightly hysterically.
‘I love these group bonding weekends,’ says JimmyJames.
‘I think Bella and I could definitely be best friends,’ agrees Vix.
‘Bella likes drama, that’s all,’ says Dave. ‘Everyone just calm down.’
I’m biting my thumbnail worriedly. Robert looks up at me and our eyes meet. Please fix this, I think desperately. Thank God for mind reading: he nods, and turns to Vix.
‘So, Victoria, tell me more about this guy,’ says Robert quickly, pouring her another glass of wine. JimmyJames immediately starts to tease her, and the night – or what is left of it, anyway – picks up slightly.
Then Dave leans right back in his chair, his legs stretched out under the table, and our feet touch. I meet his eyes and, feeling cockier than I have all day, I don’t look away. He narrows his gaze and I can feel my heart beating in my throat for several seconds. Oh God, this is unbearable . . .
I look away.
Robert is now analysing a text from the date Vix had a few weeks ago.
‘That doesn’t mean he regrets the night,’ he says. ‘It means he regrets the hangover.’
‘Should I text him back, then?’ she says. ‘I mean, I took it as rejection, it’s been like, two weeks. What’s the statute of limitations on that stuff?’
‘You are breaking my heart, Victoria,’ says JimmyJames loudly.
She turns to him and presses her finger to her lips. ‘Shh. Let’s play a game called Shut The Fuck Up.’
‘Sounds fun! What are the rules?’ he says.
‘I’ll give you some love life advice, Victoria,’ says Dave. ‘Don’t ask what he’s doing, or what he’s thinking, or when you’ll see him next. Christ, I hate text-terrogations.’
‘Ignore him,’ says Robert to Vix.
‘I need some new friends,’ says JimmyJames. ‘You lot fight more than my parents.’
‘Do you think I should go and check on Sophie?’ I say worriedly. ‘No,’ says Robert. ‘Luke will sort it out.’
I can’t bear the squirmy feeling in my stomach any more. Combined with the wine and cheese, and the worry about Sophie, Dave’s presence is genuinely making me ill. Perhaps I should go to bed. He keeps looking at me with those laughing eyes, like he knows how much I’m attracted to him and thinks it’s just a big joke.
Then, as if he’s reading my mind, Dave meets my eye again. I hold his gaze for as long as I can, and feel my face start to boil. I will not look away first, I will not look away first . . .
‘I think we should buy more wine, don’t you, Abigail?’ he says quietly.
‘Ye-yeah,’ I stutter, and then swallow. ‘The place shuts in 20 minutes, though.’
Dave stands up. ‘Abigail and I are going to get more booze. You three hold the fort.’
I stand up and, without making eye contact with anyone, leave the courtyard.
We walk through the house and out the front door silently. I feel even more conscious of Dave’s presence than ever. I didn’t think that was possible.
We start walking slowly up the quiet, dark street towards the centre of town.
‘Don’t worry about Bella,’ says Dave after a minute or so. ‘She doesn’t mean that stuff. She’ll make it up to your sister.’
‘I hope so,’ I say honestly. ‘Sophie would never upset someone on purpose. Bella is totally out of line.’